ok here's the situation. I was in a relationship for 7 years, I went into the relationship with three kids. Last July I found that he was having an affair with his ex. So I left and moved out of state. He was not a very good father figure for my kids anyways, and at the time my kids couldn't stand him. Now (7 months later) My oldest son decides he wants a realationship with this man, my son is 13. Mind you I had to move out of state because this man would not leave me alone. Should I let my son be his own person and have a relationship over the phone with this man?
2007-02-13 02:26:46 · 29 answers · asked by samlee1976 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
HELL NO!!! This man is no father figure for yer son. Your son has no reason to talk to yer ex. this man cheated on you, he is a liar. who knows what else he will say or do to yer son. a phone conversation will move on to going to see him and hang out with him. this man has hurt you enough. do not allow this man to hurt yer son the way he has hurt you!
Yer son is 13! he is a minor. he is yer responsibility. everything he does YOU are held accountable for. yer his mother, YOU have to call the shots!
2007-02-13 02:40:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You had this man in your child's life for 7 years and he wasn't a good father figure? Your son is 13, and for the past 7 years has developed a relationship with this man. Is this the only man that your son had in his life as a father figure? I would say that your son has a right to talk to this man. Understandable that you and him are no longer together and shouldn't be, but how could you deny your child the relationship he has counted on since he was 6? I don't see any harm in letting your son talk to him. Make sure that both of them are aware that there will be no getting back together though. Don't be surprised if they try to work together to get you back together. Stand strong though.
2007-02-13 10:36:58 · answer #2 · answered by Stephanie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wasn't a very good father figure to your children back then, why do think that would have changed? I believe it would be too risky to have your son have a relationship with this man. Besides, what would happen when you begin a relationship with a new man? It's best to leave your ex out of the picture and look towards the future.
2007-02-13 10:33:27 · answer #3 · answered by ladydi_1987 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes and No. Its not a wise idea if you had to leave because the man was harrassing you but if you set it up to be very clear with your son that he is not to tell the man where you are living and any details of the area and the calls are supervised I would allow him to have a phone call with this man once in a while if my son wanted that.
2007-02-13 12:55:14 · answer #4 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. But maybe get him a cell so that your ex can't trace the call and call you all the time. But it is important that your son is able to establish a relationship w/ his father, since he is probably looking for a father figure (crucial at his age). As part of the bargain, remind your son that you do not want your ex contacting you or knowing your address at any time, so to keep that info off limits in all phone conversations.
2007-02-13 10:32:10 · answer #5 · answered by whattodo 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No. You've already said this man was not a very good father figure for my kids; and you've said that he would not leave you alone to the point that you moved away. That's serious enough to say "no."
Your son probably needs a good role model and male figure in his life. I would contact the local Big Brothers/Big Sisters group.
Good luck.
2007-02-13 10:31:50 · answer #6 · answered by I_Spy 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
HI Sam,
Absolutely NOT. He is 13 years old and has too much to learn. He should be in church and you should too. I suggest a Non-denominational Church in your area. If you would like, I can assist you in finding one that uses only the BIBLE as it's WORD of TRUTH. GOD has given us a savior that we need to follow and lead our children to follow. Your son is at a critical age right now. Don't let someone else make his choices for him. I am sorry about your problems in this last relationship but you also can find a good mate out there somewhere and you certainly deserve one! My wife and I have been married 31 years. We are VERY HAPPILY MARRIED Christians. I want nothing more than your happiness also. Send me a note if you want to talk. Have a great week.
Eds
2007-02-13 10:35:30 · answer #7 · answered by Eds 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Be his own person? He is 13!!! Who is the parent here? It's YOUR job to decide what is best for him, not his. Your son seeks this relationship because he is looking for a leader, or roll model not a cup-cake.
Grow up, get a spine and be a parent.
2007-02-13 10:38:57 · answer #8 · answered by David P 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NOOO if he is not sons father, then no.... look ur son at this stage is craving for a father figure... so he is reaching for next best thing further more...if u let him contact ur ex will use it as a way in ur life or at worst to get back at you... talk with ur son find out what si REALLY bothering him
kapish... :)?? contact me if u like...oh i am 27/M/London.. lol
2007-02-13 10:34:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I dont think over the phone relation will hurt .. provided that u know for sure this guy is not gonna be a bad influence on ur son. But i would also keep a watchful eyes on the conversation at all times.. ur son is afterall, still young.
Cheers!
2007-02-13 10:32:31 · answer #10 · answered by Ichigo 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋