Okay, My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. He has left me twice claiming that he didn't love me and that he didn't want to be with me. He is moving to Maryland, due to the military, and he wants me to go with him after I graduate. But, I dont trust because he has cheated on me, using the internet, and he has left me twice. I have been best friends with a male for 9 years. He has been my rock and he has been there for me when my husband wasn't. My Male BF told me not to go because he doesn't want me to get hurt again. My husband doesn't want me to be friends with him because me and my male bf talk 2 to 3 times a day. We have a bond, a connection that no one can touch. I almost lost him because my husband made me choose. I don't want to lose him again but my husband said that if we ever became friends again, my marriage would be over. My question is should I have to choose between the two, I believe in marriage, but I am tired of being hurt by him every year, what to do
2007-02-13 01:58:06 · 18 answers · asked by MovingOnWithMyLife..Your Loss! 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I realize your husband has not been perfect, cheating, walking away from you, etc, but it's you asking the question, (not him) so here's my opinion to YOU. (I'd have words for him if he were here!) Why would you continue such a close knit relationship with a man after your married? Ouch! If this other guy is your "rock" and has "been there for you"...why didn't you marry him???!!! I think it's pretty lame that you are complaining about what your husband is doing and yet your treating him so disrespectfully. What do you expect?! You are NOT married to this other guy so stop listening to him. He's not your rock. Get a girlfriend for that. I'm sorry, but it bugs me how women are so quick to point the finder at their husband, but fail to recognize how crappy YOUR behavior is. He's no angel, but you need to make changes too. Make a choice, husband or "rock". Good luck to you.
2007-02-13 02:21:59 · answer #1 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
More proof that women cannot have male "friends".
Women use the term "guy friend" to describe a relief pitcher, hanging around waiting to come in and pitch into the same mitt someone else warmed up if the starter can't close the deal.
And just how did you keep this "friend" around? Talking. Telling him every intimate detail of your life. Calling him "2-3 times a day" as you say. Touching his arm. Giving him 'the look'. Hugging. Maybe a kiss or two. That's no friend. What if your husband had done those exact things with a woman - what would you call it? Exactly. Cheating. That's what you did, Sunshine, so you can drop the "I've been cheated on twice" routine- you are just as guilty of infidelity as he is.
Women, stop deceiving yourselves. You have no "male friends" - only backup lovers and husbands on layaway.
Just end the first relationship, end the second relationship, wait a while and stop defining yourself by the men in your little spider web of a world, and then see all the single guys you want.
2007-02-13 02:23:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Normally you have to put your spouse first. Especially if the friend you have is a male because that is a very intimidating situation especially when he is away from home and he is there with you talking to you all the time.
However if he isn't treating you right and your not sure you will be together then maybe you shouldn't choose. My advice to you is give your husband the benefit of the doubt...move with him for a few months and see how things go. Maybe with you with him there and not so close to the bf of yours you might see a different side to him.
2007-02-13 02:13:24 · answer #3 · answered by lookingwesttexas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are going through this in your marriage and then you were asked to decide to pick between your marriage and your bf.
Your husband does not sound like a person that really cares for you or your feelings. He does not seem to respect your choices in life (including your choice of friends).
But when you married him you promised to stick together through good and bad and apparently when an issue is bothering him this much you need to do whats best for your marriage.
2007-02-13 02:08:17 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
She is already hurting her husband via having thoughts for this guy. If she fairly loves her husband she would desire to wreck the relationship off and basically proceed to be pals. i'd say she would desire to persist along with her heart, yet her heart is taken via somebody else and that's her husband. no count if she harm her husband via telling him or no longer she would be able to harm her toddlers greater, and that they are hurting even however they do no longer comprehend. it's going to be confusing yet she have she must be sure the place her marriage will circulate and if there is something there to hold directly to to boot the youngsters. She made a vow in front of God and witnesses and if she breaks this vow she would sense sorry approximately her decision and it might desire to no longer paintings out with this different guy. tell her that she would desire to stay and make it paintings and seek advice from her husband approximately their marriage and the way they might desire to re-ignite and produce the spark back without telling him approximately the different guy. And if nonetheless she sense a similar way then and purely then she would desire to permit it circulate and notice what happens. i'm hoping that what ever decision that she makes that she would not circulate into it blind and make a mistake via fact as quickly as she leaves they could no longer be a turning back.
2016-11-03 08:23:26 · answer #5 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
obvioulsy it isnt' working for you to have both.. none of us can actually decide for you... because none of us are in your position. You've been married to this guy for 4 years and hes cheated on you and left you twice.. this doens't seem like a relationship buitl to last.......
it seems like your male friend has feeligns for you but he doenst want to act on them bc you are with a husband...
your husband is giivng you ulitmatums and saying you can't have friends thats ridiculous.. hes going to become more and more possesive until he wont' even let you talk to guys...
You can belive in marriage but your husband doesnt understand it.... I thin kyou should choose the friend
or let you rhusband go to maryland for a while and cool off and se ehwo your relationship works when you come to visit him
good luck
2007-02-13 02:02:52 · answer #6 · answered by hanntastic 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you should have married your friend of nine years, rather than your husband. Your friend is correct that that your husband doesn't seem all that interested in you coming with him.(gone out on you twice in 4 yrs? ye-sh!) Spare yourself the heartache and end your marriage. Then start living life and gather close to you people who want to be close to you.
2007-02-13 02:13:22 · answer #7 · answered by zax_fl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Only you can really answer this question. You already know the answer to this issue. Listen to what your heart and your head is saying. If you head is saying something different, go with what your head is saying. Your heart will thank you later.
Also ask yourself "can I deal with this for the next 5 years if nothing changes?" if you can't think of what you need to do for yourself and do it. You cannot change another person!
2007-02-13 02:04:35 · answer #8 · answered by Erica, AKA Stretch 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd choose the friend. If your husband has left you twice claiming not to love you, I'd let him go. Friends are forever. If you and your friend become lovers, even more the better.
2007-02-13 02:37:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you shouldn't have to choose. Your friend has always been there for you. Your husband hasn't.If your husband was sincere he would welcome the fact that you are lucky to have such good support and love and friendship. He is obviously incapable of giving this to you or anyone else.
2007-02-13 02:12:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋