I had a secret life what have I done what can I do?

Question

For years I was able to cheat on my husband with many strange men because he trusted me.
I began to hate him for being such a fool and an idiot and trusting me.
I was badly hurt as a child and my husband finally made me do therapy.
He eventually sensed things wernt right and I hated him more for not believing my lies.
When I confessed I was angry and I really rubbed his nose in my affairs and told him all his friends who I had slept with.
I even added a few who I didnt sleep with.
I told him he had the smallest p**n*s I had ever seen and he couldnt satisfy me.
My husband used to be dynamic, full of energy, and always active.
For the past two years he has let himself go and has cancer.
He hardly talks to me, never smiles, and wont even abuse me.
He says his life is over, but our children have the right to security so as long as he is the only one I have betrayed and they dont know, he will " wallow in pus " until they leave home.
Do I leave him? What to do???

I know I have been a B*#ch.
I am not proud.
I wish I could take it all back.
My husband was diagnosed cancer 1yr ago and he got some medicine from America and has burned 25 tumors from his face and body.
I am a bit scared to be honest because everyone here is condeming me.
My husband was so independant and strong before all this, and I think I was jealouse of his popularity.
I thought he was like everyone else always cheating.
I was so wrong.
How to turn the clock back.
He used to write poetry, was a top athlete and worked with the old and young and prisoners in jail. He says one must have love in their life to have joy in their hearts.
I love him, I am sorry.
It hurts me when our grandchildren come and I see him play with them and laugh because he is Irish and laughs with his eyes.
I know what I have done is wrong I just dont know what to do.
I see him cry when he watches tv where people cheat or romance is happy.
He wont let me touch him.
I cant reach out.

When my husband was young his mother tried to kill him and he was in a coma for 10 days. When he came out of his coma his mother was there. He says the first words she spoke to him were that she thought he was going to die and it was the best nights sleep she had ever had. He too was abused and it was his abuser who took his mother to visit him in hospital. I used to hate him because he said I reminded him of his mother.
They wrote a book about him and he was giving lectures at the university 2 times a year for the last year psycology students. The one question repeated each time that never changed was " Why dont you hate women ?"
I cant/never could understand his mind. He said he would fix his own cancer, and I thought he was deluded, but he got some stuff and burnt 23 tumors out of his face ( doctors were going to cut his face off).
Nobody believed he could do it but he did. I left him then, but antibiotics nearly killed him and I came home to help nurse him. Cancer returned.

People say they have never met a stronger man. ( I cry as I write) But now I see a man who has given up and I want to undo the damage I have done and I want him to live even though he calls me a sult.
It has been 1yr since his cancer was diagnosed (melanoma) and he refuses to take medication.
He is obsessed with little children and will do anything for any child he sees is hurt. He says he must have sensed the hurt child in me when we met and that is what made him marry me.
In 30yrs of marriage he has only struck me 3 times, and they were only slaps. I know I deserved 3000 beatings, and I think because he wouldnt hit me and make me stop, I hated him more.
He was once interviewed on tv and called the best pound for pound fighter in the competition. People would assume he was violent because he has a lot of tattoos, and I let people think that because I got attention. I am so sorry for what I have done to destroy him.
He wont give me another chance, he just sits and does nothing

Answer 1

You say you were able, but still, why did you? What was missing in your marriage? Was it the thrill that you knew something he didnt? Your story sounds alarmingly familar and you need to seek professional help. Do you still love your husband? Did you ever? your husband needs to know what you are feeling, imagine yourself in his shoes, all the hurt, distrust, anger, love...not that cheating is right, but I dont think you should have told him. The ONE person that he shouldve been able to count on for the rest of his life betrayed him WITH the friends he had to talk to about it. He has no one. No wonder he doesnt care about anything. You need to ask for his forgiveness. Is he terminal? As for your children, you may not have told them, but they know. They know something isnt right, they know there is more to the story. The only way to stop the cycle is to get therapy for ALL of you, and go to church, and pray. Pray for your children, your husband. Pray for yourself and for forgiveness. I am sorry for your pain.

Answer 2

I'm glad you can say that you are a b**ch. You are the cancer and it really sound like the only reason you are hurt now is because you can no longer hurt him. You don't need any help, because the same thing you have done to him will be done to you. I wouldn't want you to touch me either, half the town have already touched you, If you know what I mean. If you leave him, maybe he will get better ( I'll be praying for him ) Why stay and make his life miserable even more? Congrats to you, you have taken a good, strong man and broke him down to the point that he calls his life '' PUS ''. Actually you are the pus.Being hurt as a child gives you no reason to be a married wh0re, neglectful wife and a horrible mother. He thinks the kids don't know, but you have slept with so many people, the news will get back to them and if he dies, they will blame you. He is not the only one that has let himself go, you did also. You are not the picture of health either. Anyone that could be that mean, have got to be ugly, broken hearted and evil.

Answer 3

My suggestion is that yoiu should serioulsy seek more counceling, it sounds as though you were having all those affairs and verbaqlly abusing him about his abilities and penis size in the hope that your husband would find out or react and abuse you for it. Which is prolly what happend to you when you were younger. Often people will be self destructive to hurt the people that they care about in the hope to get the attention & treatment that they are drawing there past experiences from. Your husband needs you, if you love him and you want to see this through then you seriously need to talk to him about marriage counceling. Remember that he is sick and feeling hopeless due to the disease thats killing him land your being bitter and hateful is just fueling his depression. If its a matter of, just dont love him anymore than thats a totally different story, but it sounds to me that you are just frustrated and need some additional professional help.

Also remember that your desisions will ultimately have an effect on your children. And if they are old enough to understand what is going on then it could wind up negatively afecting your relationship with them, if you are not honest about your feelings about your relationship with there dad. So be sure that you talk with them if you decide to leave your husband. I would suggest though that you keep out the details of the affairs with them.

Good luck to you, I hope that it all goes at its supposed to,

Answer 4

How many lives have you destroyed ???
No wonder the poor man has cancer.
Sister you are undoubtably evil.
Ok. So you were hurt as a child and maybe you are the way you are for a reason. But it sure sounds like you are enjoying destroying this man.
Go on then leave him.
I bet you are gonna cry the loudest at his funeral, and everyone will feel sorry for you.
I pity you for the pathetic person you have become. I think the wrong person has the cancer.
There is a God and my experience is that he grants people like you a long miserable unhappy old age.
This is one time I pray God will provide a miracle.

Answer 5

You are evil. Why is he still with you? I would rather die alone than be with a person like you. Your kids need to know what you did to him. You"ll probably continue living a lie and they'll think you are the good guy. I'd kick you out on my last breathe. So now I suppose you want to leave him so you can go on and continue destroying other families. AND YOU WILL. Tell your entire family what you did and be totally honest and then go get help if there is in fact enough help out there for you. I can't even wish you good luck.

Answer 6

You should have left him long ago. He sounds like a really good
person and did not deserve the things you done to him. You should really seek help for your problems as well and stop using
your childhood as an excuse to hurt others. I to went thru a very
bad childhood, I was beaten daily by my step father and raped by
my brother, my mother was more of a mental abuser by always
telling me that i was ugly, fat and no one would ever want to be
with me...Guess what after a pretty bad marriage to one man I have found the man of my dreams and have been together for
8 years. He knows of my childhood but I would never use that as
an excuse to do hurtful things to him or anyone else. I took the
things I went thru and let them make me a better person....We all
have that choice you know. As far as your kids go I would not give them any details of the events but I would let them know that
you do have a lot of issues to work out from your past and that
you cannot be a good wife, mother or for that matter person until
you get the help you need. Defintely do not take your kids from
their dad it seems like they are the only reason he chooses to stay alive. I also think you should apologize to him for all the hurtful things you have done to him. Let him know you do need
help and he has been a wonderful understanding husband that you took for granted. Tell him you want to get help but you
do feel his pain and hate what you have done. When you say
these things really believe and mean what you say. Get strong
and don't let your parents take away your adult life as they have done with your childhood........Please get help......If not only for your kids.!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

You are the most discusting exuse for a wife I have ever seen. I wish you were the one with cancer and dying. I wouldnt touch you with a ten foot pole after you treated me that way and it seems your husband feels the same way. You are a nasty ho and I hate you simply from reading your post.

I think what you need to do is stay so your kids dont have a bad memory of him..if you can do one unselfish nice thing in your pathetic little life you should at least do that for him. I would seriously kick the **** out of you if I knew your husband personally.

Answer 8

I grew up with a young woman who was abused as a child. She grew up sexually wild and died alone of AIDS. I understand why she dealt with life the way she did. It's a shame what can screw-up a kid for life.

I'm so sorry you had such low self esteem most likely cause by your childhood. Many people are brought up to think they don't deserve the good things that life brought them and will subconsciously sabotage their lives.

Therapy! Only a Therapist can help you with your self destructive ways.

As a Cancer survivor, my heart goes out to your Husband. A positive outlook is key to beating the disease and unfortunately, your Husband doesn't sounds like he's too happy.

What should you do? Fix your Karma! Do EVERYTHING you can to make him happier and his life easier!

And TELL him what and why you are doing this! Ask him, will you be happier if I leave?

Good luck to your Husband!

Answer 9

One line of a poem said . . . the moving finger writes; and having writ, moves on. However you live the days can not be erased, it will forever leave a mark. But hey your life is not over yet, although your story practically will not have a good ending, it is at this time when God's mercy is abundant. Take your strength from His grace and you will be able to bear the pain of all these. There's more to come.

Answer 10

My suggestion is that yoiu should serioulsy seek more counceling, it sounds as though you were having all those affairs and verbaqlly abusing him about his abilities and penis size in the hope that your husband would find out or react and abuse you for it. Which is prolly what happend to you when you were younger. Often people will be self destructive to hurt the people that they care about in the hope to get the attention & treatment that they are drawing there past experiences from. Your husband needs you, if you love him and you want to see this through then you seriously need to talk to him about marriage counceling. Remember that he is sick and feeling hopeless due to the disease thats killing him land your being bitter and hateful is just fueling his depression. If its a matter of, just dont love him anymore than thats a totally different story, but it sounds to me that you are just frustrated and need some additional professional help.