Abandoned in marriage ?

Question

My question/story is complicated, so I will break it down...
-married 6 months (I already had 1 child)
-supported,loved him,did everything for him. Drove 2 hrs. every morning to college, took my child to school, drove 2 hrs.back home, cleaned,cooked, and loved him,
-after 6 months he goes out of town for 5 days & lies about it...I forgive him, we make up...
-1 months later he moves in with his family (5 hrs.away) and we discuss divorce...I was heart broken, angry, felt used...(in arguements I was told that I would never do better than him)
-Out of anger I went on 1 date (nothing happened)...then he changed his story to "the marriage is over because I went on the date"
-he emails me pictures of the resort where he was going to take me to reconcile. I am confuse, I thought he had moved on...I did everything for this man.
-1 month later he leaves messages on my phone, saying how he loves me, and misses me, and needs me....

I responded by telling him that he was the 1 who left me, I am confused when he tells me on my voice mail that he loves me...I want to pick up the phone and say...I love him to, but I dont know if he is still playing these mindgames or if its serious...
-I really want to reconcile, because the love is still there...
But I have not heard anything in 3 days, should I call, or just leave it be ???
He was the love of my life for me...we have hurt eachother, but I am willing to start over...should I ask him, or leave it be, since I was the 1 who responded last ???

Answer 1

Do you seriously need others to tell you how to handle this? You know what you have to do, but it sounds like you need others to agree in order to justify yourself. For crying out loud, he WENT OUT OF TOWN FOR 5 DAYS AND LIED ABOUT IT! Then he abandoned you and your child by moving out and going back home to mommy and daddy. He also attempts to break down your self-confidence by telling you that "you'd never do better than him"? Is that the type of guy you want to be married to? Does that sound like a person who is supposed to "honor and cherish" you "til death do you part"?

Either this guy is extremely immature, or he's very controlling and can't handle being questioned. Either way, you are much better off without him being around. Why be around someone who tries to break down your spirit and confidence?

It sounds like you're quite capable of being self-sufficient by the fact you were able to juggle college, take care of your child, and still maintain a household. It's too bad this guy doesn't appreciate it; but it's not your fault. Heck, juggling all of those things is stressful enough wihthout your spouse adding to it. The situationt sucks, and it may be hard on your child. but wouldn't it better for your child to grow up seeing his mother as a strong iself-sufficient woman instead of being a doormat for her husband?

I don't know how old you are, but I would think your parents (if they are around) would be willing to help you get through this until you get your life in order. Also, I'm sure your friends would be willing to help out if they can (babysitting, etc). Take care and good luck.

Answer 2

I am so sorry you have had to go through all that...and with a young child. Yikes, it takes a strong woman. I think that marriage is forever. I think you should give it everything you have. Consider this though. Instead of focusing on the situation or your husband, work on you. Set a time limit for yourself (6 months, a year, two years, etc). Transform yourself into the person you would be if you were not with him: confident, gorgeous, self-sufficient, etc (whatever matters to you). At the end of your "time", check out the difference in your life. If he hasn't stepped up to plate and is still unsure of himself, you can walk away knowing you gave it all you have. And you'll be walking away a better person with no regrets. The consequence of divorce is awful, do whatever you can before calling it quits. Good luck.

Answer 3

I think you need to step back and look at what this guy has put you through. This sounds to me like an unhealthy relationship. I think he feels you betrayed him even though he moved out of the house. When he went out of town what happened? Was there another person involved? Why all of a sudden does he what you back? I think therapy would help I am a stronger believer of that. I also think he is confused having a child so sudden in a marriage is a tough adjustment as well. Try to seek help and see what happens.

Answer 4

It sounds like he is trying to reconcile the marriage. If you love him, do it. You both sound immature at this point. Who in a marriage goes on a date or goes out for 5 days and moves 5 hours a way.

Get counselling. You are putting your kid through this remember that.

Answer 5

I honestly believe that you should just cut your losses with him. He's not ready for anything real. Trust me, what he did to you will come back on him threefold. You can do better than him but for right now it's all about you and your child. Focus on the important things in life and start enjoying life. You don't need anyone to allow you to do bad, you can do bad all by yourself. Never allow any man to make you feel less than or that you can't do better than him because that's just crap. Be strong and know that you deserve the very best.

Answer 6

It sounds that your marriage in only a convenience for him. Most recently, he thinks he needs the convenience of your company. You were most accommodating to him for your 6 months together. So he seems to be playing you to get the much more from you. Evidently, no one is being as kind to him as you were. He is not showing any commitment to you; so you might as well divorce or even annul the marriage. May be you can get from things that will repay your efforts.

Answer 7

i think he left because there is someone else in his life, but is not sure of them so he keeps u there just in case it doesn't work out. if he is the one who left, he needs to be the one who does the reconciling. he is just playing u, is insecure about life, and doesn't know if his new relationship will work out so he doesn't want to burn his bridges with u just yet.

Answer 8

this man sounds like a control freak . i know i was married to one. make a clean break now if you take him back he will constantly remind you of your date. he only wants you as he thinks someone else does. of course you can do better if you want to. dont be a slave for anyone man or woman.

Answer 9

my ex cheated on me, i forgave, One of my co workes ups and kisses me out of the blue at lunch i told the guy off, didnt kiss back left ex finds out...and accueses me of cheating and wants a divorce.

sounds like your man is confused of what he wants out of life, you might want to try a trial seperation before doing anything else..try dateing again, maybe spark the romance back.

Answer 10

Sad though it is I think you would be better moving on