Parents with a teenage son.?

Question

I really need advice. I dint want to expose my personal life but I feel I have to at this point.
I love my son. I have always tried to guide him and love him best I could.
Somethings wrong. He is failing out of school. His grades were never perfect but never this bad. He has been late more than 10 times for school this year. Now I am finding "dirty" words written on his notebooks.
I recieved a call from the principal yesterday. He said my son drew a very dirty picture on his desk! It was a picture of his teacher doing obscene things.
I took away his gameboy etc. I made him write an apology letter to the principal and teacher. I also made him write 10 pages of "Im sorry for drawing an innapropriate picture."
I have tried to ask him if there is something else wrong and he says no. Im so sad about this.

Answer 1

Hey.

I understand what you, and he are going through. I am sixteen, and I went through a stage like that. I guess I just never got caught. Do you spend a lot of time with him? If not, try to, and don't worry about anything. Go have fun, go do something he wants to do, and just listen to him. Don't press too hard about anything being wrong, just talk to him. Let him vent. Let him tell you what is wrong. It will come. It may take days, or weeks for him to open up, but it will come.

Don't be too worried. I think finding dirty words in his notebook isn't such a bad thing to have happen. Be the nice parent. Tell him that if he really wants to draw that kind of picture, draw it in a seperate notebook from all school work. He is going through a time of a lot of pressure, and personal change. Given time, everything will sort itself out.

One more thing before I go. Please, having him write 10 pages about the picture...not a good thing. He isn't going to learn anything from that. All that will come of it will be anger. Maybe give him a job, or make him go to bed early so he will have a little quiet time to himself to think about what he did. The best punishment is a talk. Just talk to him about what he did. He will be anxious, and he will listen to what you say. Good luck. I hope all goes well.

Keifer

Answer 2

Well, in the 10th grade there are a variety of things that are going on with your son...

First, address the flunking out part. At your son's age, the punishment must more than fit the crime. Taking away his gameboy etc does nothing to teach him how to balance his life so that schoolwork comes first. You need to become involved with his school life, by daily emails from his teacher or volunteering in the library or helping with the band.... whatever. Show him that you are willing to sacrafice your free time, your job time, whatever, for his school time. When you are in contact with the school "all the time" then behaviours at school will mimic behaviours at home.
Then guide your son's behaviours at home by checking with him daily about school, what work he's supposed to be doing, what work is supposed to be done.

I am not sure how you can be late for school, unless he is walking to school. If he rides the bus, he isn't late.... if he's driving.... then he needs to ride the bus so he isn't late.

The dirty pictures thing..... is a phase, its brought on by sexual tensions, the easiest way out is to make sure some playboys magically appear in his room and he has some "private time" in there to "read the articles", he also needs the book, "Mars and Venus in the Bedroom" by John Gray (in fact you may want to read it yourself first). The John Gray book addresses many questions of the youth, and if you read the book first you will say to your self, "Man, I wish I had read the book when I was his age".

Answer 3

Of course he'll tell you that nothing is wrong. He's a teenager. He probably either doesn't know what's wrong, or he thinks he doesn't need help.

It could be one of several things. Either he needs help with his school work because its suddenly become overwhelming to him (which is lowering his self esteem, and thus the other acting out), or he's being bullied (again, a self esteem issue). You might want to also check and make sure there are no drugs...marijuana isn't really dangerous, but it can cause someone to loose their ambitions. (Drug use can also be caused by the first two problems).

Just be gentle and treat him like a young person (as opposed to a child) that you want to help. Despite saying he doesn't want help, he probably really wants you to step in and help him....but treating him like a little kid will only push him away.

Answer 4

I have a cousin around that age and he was getting into trouble a lot with teachers all of a sudden.

Come to find out that the poor kid was an outcast in his class and being teased big time.

Your teen could be going thru a rough time with peers or be dealing with peer pressure. Ask him if he gets along with kids in the school.

They transferred my cousin to another school and since then he has been back to himself. He has a ton of friends, and most importantly, brining home A's and B's. (He was brinign hom D's and F's.

Answer 5

He needs counseling, NOW. There could be any number of things going on with your son. It could be major hormones like they all have, and a pre-occupation with sex. It could be ADHD. It could be he's majorly depressed. It could mean he's involved with either drug or alcohol use. Whatever it is, he's calling for help. It's your job as his parent to get it for him.

The school should have a psychologist on staff, that's a semi-decent place to start, but you'll probably have to take him to someone in private practice, ask your pediatrician for his/her recommendation. Something's up, but he may not tell you, for any number of reasons, the most obvious one is, he's a teenager.

Best of luck to you!

Answer 6

There are some things that are beyond our abilities as parents. Your young guy is crying out for help. He needs to see a professional therapist. It may not actually be serious. It sounds like he's struggling with his newly discovered sexuality. If he won't talk to you (not surprising--adolescence involves putting distance between themselves and their parents), a professional counselor may be able to help him resolve his problems. School counselors really aren't that well trained for such things. Your family doctor can make a referral. Good luck.

Answer 7

16/17 year old guys are well into puberty by this time & their male hormones are raging from one end of the spectrum to the other, trying to figure out where to settle down. They are curious about sex because of their feelings. I wouldn't be all that alarmed as long as it does not escalate to pure porn. A guy can get addicted to porn & after a period of constant perusal cannot perform without it.

Answer 8

yaeh he is not going to talk to u .. i noe this might seem wrong for u but almost all the teenagers at like this.... im 15 and i know many boys like this that just act like dombasses and they go on drugs bcuz they think its cool and they do bad in shcool just to be cool.. well i think its not but many people do ... so i think u should not try talkin to him becaus e he wont pay any attention to u or he might not even talk to u n u should just find some1 his age or around his age to talk to him and tell u wats wong but don be so mean he might be going through something in school like problems wit people ..... so just once again this is normal way for a teenage boy to act only that it the wrong way and he might not change but u should try anyways ....

Answer 9

Something is definitely wrong. Talk to him and don't take no for an answer.

Answer 10

You need to find a counselor ASAP.
If he will not talk to you, he needs to find someone.