my husband moved out 2 months ago...I guess it was both our fault...All he would do is sleep, work and play on the computer...I would take care of the kids..house, inside and out. He said he stayed in bed because he Got sick of me yelling. Well the only reason I would yell was to ask him to help me out..I think he is just using that as a scapegoat...I feel better about things..But I do love him so much..I just don't know what to do...
2007-02-13 01:26:25 · 16 answers · asked by hurtalloveragainks 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You do sound better off. You just need some encouragement. You'll find someone else who will like to do stuff with you and your kids and will laugh at the idea of sleeping and playing video games instead.
2007-02-13 01:32:05 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even though there are experts that say divorce is one of the worst things you can do to a child, I'd say that's not always true. You do not want your children to grow up thinking it is okay to sleep all day and play video games. You want them to grow up and be responsible, independent adults with a work ethic. That is what all parents want for your kids. It sounds like your husband is a bad influence on the kids and treats you like a slave. Men hate to be yelled at or nagged all the time but if they are not pulling their end of the load at home then what choice are you left with? You have every right to tell your husband when he's not living up to his family responsibilities. If he shuts down and goes to bed then he's not much of a man.
I'm sure this marriage has been very, very stressful for you. If you feel better about things and can support yourself then you are WAY better off. Eventually, in time, the feelings of love will fade for your husband and you will have more anger that you put up with what you did. Divorce is never easy and I'm sure many, many couples who split still love each other...but that doesn't mean they are the right match. You need to be happy and have a supportive partner. It's clear your husband isn't cutting it. I wish you tons of luck. Find a good lawyer and find a good family therapist and start working towards being a single mom. You can do it!!
2007-02-13 01:40:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so sorry you are going through tough times. Marriage problems are terrible. Is your question really "am I better off" or are you asking if you should consider going back to him? You should check out a book by Dr. Laura Schlessinger called "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands". It's a great book, read it soon! Judging only by the problems you've listing, I would say...heck no...you aren't better off without him. Those are hardly enough issues to consider breaking up a marriage over. Those are not issues enough for a father to not be with his kids in the same house. If there are more issues you haven't told me, I apologize. I am a believer in marriage is forever. My husband and I have gone to hell and back a few times, but continue to work through stuff. I've considered leaving and I'm sure he has too, but the consequences of divorce are so horrible, I would only use that "option" if my life depended on it. I hope that you will pick up that book, hearing what you said in your question sounds just like what I used to say and reading and using the info in that book changed my way of looking at things. Weigh out your situation. Consider the consequences. Good luck to you.
2007-02-13 01:45:01 · answer #3 · answered by Wendy B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems that your husband isn't interested in trying to meet you halfway. In order for any relationship to be successful BOTH partners need to make an effort and from what you are saying it doesn't look like he's willing to make that effort. I don't know if that means you should give up on him or not, but perhaps it is a good idea to at least separate for awhile and see where things go from there.
My advice would be to sit down with him and have a rational conversation and without nagging, yelling, or arguing with him tell him how you feel and express that you really need his help with things in order to make the relationship work. If he's receptive of that and willing to make an effort than give him a chance to prove it, but if not then move on and find someone else who will be willing to make an effort
2007-02-13 01:39:00 · answer #4 · answered by RaisedByWolves 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should ask your husband to meet with you and talk. See if you can seek counseling and work this out. Does he love you? Does he miss you? Tell him how you feel and you were only yelling because you were frustrated by his lack of interest in the family. If he really wants out of the marriage you will have to pick up the pieces and move on for the sake of your kids. They do not want to grow up in a household with two bitter parents. Try this and Good Luck!
2007-02-13 01:52:16 · answer #5 · answered by jjeano661 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe some time apart will make him realize the error of his ways. There is nothing like some distance to knock some sense into a man. Maybe he'll realize that he was neglecting you, maybe not. If he does, then great. You can work on things and be a family again. If he doesn't, then you know you made the right choice for your family.
2007-02-13 01:39:41 · answer #6 · answered by Mel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you feel better about things... as in you feel better without him around? Or you feel better (let it go) and are wiling to forgive him? If you feel better without him, you answered your own question. If you want to forgive him and start over, see if you are both willing to make compromises, seek counseling, find common interests and pursue them and unplug the computer. Do you dread the idea of him coming back? OK, pretend...you just answered the phone he said he is coming home. Your first thoughts were....happiness or dread? That says it all... Good Luck.
2007-02-13 01:41:32 · answer #7 · answered by Elizabeth P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
when people want to leave, they use anything as a reason to go. best not to put too much trust and hope into it, best if he left u, to move on. u have to accept that he left, meaning he isn't interested in working it out, if he had been a help mate in life u would not have gotten so frustrated with him and yelled. chances are if he hasn't come back around and tried to work it out that he has moved on with someone else.
2007-02-13 01:35:00 · answer #8 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to do what is best for you & your children and it sound's like you made the right choice.Your husband has not yet grown up and obviously does not like responsibility and that is no way to raise children..You made the right decision stick with it you and your children will be better off..Move on you will find the right man and he was'nt it..Best Wishes..
2007-02-13 01:37:10 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Two questions, one does he still want you? two are you both willing to go to marriage counceling?
The reasons for your separation seem fairly easy to resolve if you both want to work at it but if there are other things you didn't mention then I don't knwo what to tell you.
2007-02-13 01:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋