Help with 1 year old.?

Question

Can a one year old have an "attitude problem?" My daughter gets in these moods where she pushes you away, slaps at your hands when you try to change her, and she will lay down on the floor and cry. When she hits at me I have pushed her hands away, saying, "no, that hurts mom" but now I'm realizing that maybe that is what gives her the okay to hit and slap at people. She hasn't been doing this for more than a week. Maybe she got it from daycare? And right now, I'm telling her no and she keeps reaching for my coffee mug. Now shes laying on the floor crying. Do I ignore these fits? I cant even go to the bathroom and she's out side the door crying and rolling around on the floor!! Help me. I don't want a spoiled child, but I dont want her to feel neglected by "ignoring" her little fits and tantrums. Oh, and now she trows things. Where did this hostility come from?? Are all little kids like this. And I'm sure it olny gets better, right...

Answer 1

Ho, boy. Do I know tantrums. And yes, the terrible twos can start as early as 12 months old. My eldest use to throw himself on the floor and bang his head against the floor. He had a goose-egg on his forehead until he was three years old. If I got up and left the room, he'd follow me. One day, I just went in a circle around the house, from room to room, while he kept throwing himself down, realize I was gone before he could bang his head, and he'd get up and chase me down again.

Thankfully, today, I have a polite 13 year old who does what I say. Okay, maybe not the first time I ask him, but I don't have to take any of his privelages away to get him to behave properly.

By letting her have her little tantrum, you are teaching her how to handle and eventually control her emotions. She isn't hurt, physically or emotionally....she's just plain mad! If you give in to her tantrums simply just to make her stop, or because you are worried about it hurting her, you are teaching her that she can get whatever she wants by having a tantrum....and as they age, it only gets worse.

Despite the current belief that "we teach our kids to hit by spanking", kids are still showing violence, even in the most non-violent households. A friend of mine, a teacher, bought her child non-violent toys, let him watch non-violent TV only...and still, he'd hit her whenever he was angry at her. (And continued to do so because she didn't stand up for her right NOT to be hit by him.) I believe that the violent little tantrums are natural, almost instinctual rather than learned....Its up to us to teach them that hitting and throwing are not acceptable. The first couple of times that she throws something of her own (or if she throws something she wants to play with) at you, take it away from her for a couple of hours, or even for a day. After the first couple of times, she'll get the picture. Hitting and kicking? You just need to hold her hands in yours, look her straight in the eye, and tell her no...we don't hit, and we don't kick. Don't smile when you say no...make a mean mommy face and use a mean mommy voice, or you will send mixed signals. In a few months (around the age of two, and if she understands it), you can start time outs.

I also recommend that you watch Nanny 911 or SuperNanny. The nannies deal with these problem nearly every week. What I learned by osmosis through my mother, these nannies are teaching people every week.

Answer 2

I have an 11 month old that behaves the EXACT same way. I think she did get it from her daycare. My friends daughter got a hitting problem from the daycare. Initially my daughter was spoiled but I decided to try and break her of that habit. It doesn't help that my mom gives in very easily. She hits. She ignores everything you tell her to do. She may sit down the first time anything after that she doesn't want to do. She may or may not stop when you ask her to. I think children can have attitude problems. I let her cry. If she's not hungry or hurting I let her cry. I do spank her legs with my hand if what she's doing will hurt her. Sometimes she cries sometimes she continues to do what she's doing so that's not always effective. Sometimes I distract her with other things. I sing in her ear. She loves Old McDonald. As for those people that think you should watch Supernanny those are the people that are embarassed my their children in the store. Everybody isn't going to baby her forever. I let her sleep in the bed with me. Do you do that? Perhaps we can compare notes.

Answer 3

In response to some of the other answers, hitting and spanking at this age are not effective (and yes, I do plan to spank my child if necessary). A child cannot comprehend physical punishment until they are closer to 18 months.

My daughter is two days shy of a year old, and she was doing the same thing. At this point, children are learning boudaries...both their own, and their parent's. When my Annie does something she is not supposed to do (ie. playing with the blinds on the window), I firmly tell her no. If she persists, I tell her one more time, and then if she continues to misbehave, I pick her up and move her to another area of the house with a toy that is appropriate for play. Given, when I do that, it results in a tantrum...tears and all. You CANNOT give in to this! I sit across the room from Annie and explain to her why doing what she was doing isn't the right thing to do. It's heartbreaking, but it's crucial in your daughter's development. You're doing great by explaining why she shouldn't hit and play with your coffee mug. She may not get it right away, but after about two weeks of Annie's tantrums, she responds when I say "NO!" She gives me am "oooooo-kay, Mom" look, and crawls off to find other entertainment.

As far as the seperation anxiety your daughter seems to have when you go to the bathroom, you may want to check out the website I have listed as a source. It was very helpful to me.

This is a cruddy part of parenting, but the more vigilant you are about it now, the less likely you are to see it again in the future!!! Good luck!!

Answer 4

It is a part of growing up. She is learning to express her dislikes, the same way that she expresses what she likes by smiling.

My 13 months old is doing the same thing. Talk to her, make sure you sit down to get to her level and look into her eyes and talk to her very seriously. She may not understand all the words you tell her, but she will get the look and the tone. If she keeps throwing tantrums again, ignore her. Kids are very good at manipulating their parents. be firm. It is frustrating, but even if she cries her lungs out (or screams like my daughter does), don't let her get away with what she wants.

Another thing that has worked for me, is showing her how she can get hurt. For example, if the coffee mug is warm (make sure it is not hot) let her touch it and tell her that her hands will burn if she touches mommy's coffee mug again. Kids are all about experience and you have to help her go through this phase. Good luck

and one more thing (it is my personal experience... no thumbs down please!) don't hit her or spank her in response to her hitting you. It makes her wonder why mommy is doing the same thing I do (hitting) but doesn't get punished!

Answer 5

It must be a phase - my little girl is 13 months and exactly the same, one minute she is adorable and the next we're checking to see if she has 666 on the back of her head!
I think its because she is now on the move, she wants a bit more independence, and she has no fear at all. One parenting book I read says that you can't reallly discipline until they are around 3 years old - because although we say no don't touch mum's coffee, they don't understand why not, they don't understand risk or danger.
Anyway we have found that our daughter is worse in the evenings before bedtime when she is tired - maybe this is the reason.
But good question and I'd be interested to hear the answers from the more experienced parents - just remember you're not on your own, we're going through the same!

Answer 6

i spanked lightly until my son was a little younger than 2 but then he really started hitting back and i didnt want to get into this habit so i got into the "be calm" attitude....yes. they absolutely have attitudes because they are experiencing independence and want everything they want. about a month ago my almost 2 year old got upset because i wouldnt let him go outside (he was upset because i carried him inside and didnt let him walk) he cried by the door for an hour and had a fit. he kept bringing me his shoes and coat after i took them off of him. i ignored him and made dinner, ate, and started watching t.v., every now and then i would say we arent going outside, ive told you that. you can come eat with me if you want or you can come help me cook if you want....so anyway he cried for nearly an hour. 3 days later a similar situation occured and he cried for 5 minutes then stopped and came and asked for a drink. if youre firm they learn quickly. the trick is not to get mad or yell because then they get more upset and want to fight. just be firm and calmly ask them if they want to stop and help you or do this or that. she will figure out that its better to do something fun with you rather than cry. its not neglecting. youre right there. if she were to get hurt you would be there for her. trust me, it doesnt take long. if she throws give her a warning and tell her youl ltake it away next time. then do it. first of all it will make her stop and secondly will make her take you seriously as a parent. and third of all if she doesnt know what "stop or i will take it away" means then she will now. its parenting, not being mean. you have to be firm just like with a 15 year old. the difference is to talk to her every so often and remind her she has the option to play etc. instead. good luck

Answer 7

she might have got this from day care or maybe she is just learning how to express to you how she if feeling and yes it will get better eventually the best thing to do is completely ignore this behavior and reward her for any and all behavior if you tell her stop then she knows that she will get a reaction out of you its kind of like a bully at school if you let the bully know they bother you they'll keep bothering you and if you just ignore them they get bored she will get sick of crying and go do something else i went through the same thing with my son when he comes home from my moms house because she gives him whatever he wants and i don't give in the ways she does do just try as hard as you can to ignore her even if that means shes laying in the doorway and you have to walk right over her like shes not even there trust me It makes you feel bad but it will make your head feel better or if she has a play pin put her in it and tell her that she cant come back out until she calms down kind of like a time out type of thing

Answer 8

I am sorry but I have to laugh at this. My daughter is almost 20 months old and I swear she hit the terrible two's the day she turned one. Some children are just more aggresive than others. I think it is just their temperment not anything you have done wrong. I haven't figured out a way to stop my daughter. They are too young. I have tried the discipline techniqes that my doctor showed me but nothing works. I do pop her hand when she hits me and she has almost stopped that. Good luck Mom. These children are what they call difficult children and hopefully for us they learn sooner than later.

Answer 9

i have a 1 year old brother and he is exactly the same unfortunatly it is just part of them growing up, it is also attention seeking they know when they hit or bite that they are going to get a reaction so the next time she does it GENTLY slap her hand and more her away. she will start to kick and scream but yes ignore it, when she does something good give her all the attetion in the world soon she will realise that hitting and biting wont bring attention.

trust me it works
i hope this helps

Answer 10

my son was the same, he used to do it in the middle of tescs... how embarassing.. anyway all i did was just ingnored the really bad tantrums, even walked away in one shop, and told him how good he was when he behaved. also used to make him help me like tidy his toys etc as this distracted him from the thing he wanted. once she can start to talk she will get better, my son did any way. no he is just over 2 and hardly ever has a tantrum now. he will even go shopping without complaning