Shall I marry him?

Question

Shall I marry him?
I met him at work a year ago, he is good looking , real man and most importantly we both have the same vision regarding many things like religion and so .. the problem is that he is paid 1/2 of what I am paid , my position is more senior than his...

Based on your experience , do you think this should be a problem after marriage ? How do you think other people at work will perceive that, should I even care for them??

All opinions are welcome , I really need an honest advice.

Thank you very much

Answer 1

Money is not everything ! As my husband says money comes and goes. My advise would be to have a plan as to how ya'll will pay bills.

Answer 2

It's not what we think. It's what the both of you think. Is his pride going to be hurt because you make more money than he does and that you are further along in your career?

If he objects, will you be willing to take a lesser job or to quit altogether? It would be easier if you didn't work at the same place, but there you have it. And, working at the same place, can you keep personal problems separate from your work?

You talk about him being good looking and having the same vision. But do you love him or are you just settling?

My husband is younger than I am and I had more money saved than he did. It took a bit for him to adjust to that fact and accept that it didn't matter that I was a bit further along in life than he was. We both brought things to the marriage that the other didn't have. But my husband is not ruled by ego or pride.

You need to seriously discuss this with the man you're contemplating marrying.

Answer 3

Yes it will be a problem not with just what other people say or think but with how both of you will feel. But if you love each other sincerely and really want to share your lives together, you can work hard at making that problem manageable within your marriage.

Every marriage has problems but the difference is to recognize them and to work together in managing them. To not recognize them would be futile but to give up your love because of them is cowardly.

Look at Barbara Streisand and James Brolin, Meryl Streep and her husband Don Gummer...in each case the wife makes not just twice but perhaps 200 times the husband's earning and yet each of those couples have been happily married for many years (27 for Streep, almost 10 for Streisand ). These low- key people have lasted much longer together than the high- power Bens and Jens of this world.

Answer 4

Will his salary be enough to support both you and him when you get married in a way that you won't need your money?
The reason I am asking this is that it is natural for the man to be the provider of the family. If the answer is yes, then I think there is no problem here at all. You should go ahead and marry him and it is none of anybody's business who makes more money as long as you are a happily married couple.
Now, if the answer is "No" , then you have a number of things to consider. First, will you be able to change your life style to a large degree in a way that you will not be forced to pay for the larger share in the daily needs of your household ? What I mean is , will you be able to get rid of all the extra things that you are currently using in order for you to be able to live off his salary alone ?. Secondly, you should honestly ask yourself this question "Will this issue bother "me" after marriage? Will I be able to overlook it ? . You should be as honest as possible to yourself and to your man in answering this question. Third, you need to talk with him about that, see how he feels about this whole situation. You guys need to open up and be clear about this whole thing. I am sure he is thinking about this issue too. And maybe he too is too shy to talk to you about it. And I believe it is really wrong for you guys to start a marriage without setting some ground rules to clear all the matters up. As for your work collagues thing, I believe it is no body's business whether he makes more money or you. It's between you and your man.
Good Luck

Answer 5

I'd go with Kalooka,he gave you the most realistic opinion,so you do have to consider this issue a little bit away from love feelings which will at least won't be your priority after marriage,so you do need to try to know what's on his mind (direct way or indirect depends on your guy's nature),but try not be biased and let go of the thought " he is the most adorable person on earth,there is no tiny winy possibility that he might be bad or evil" :)
As for co-worker you should just make what you are convinced with and what will make you feel better regardless what will people think about it.
Good Luck

Answer 6

You really need to discuss it with him.
In the olden days even 30 years ago I might say it would bother him but nowadays heck some guys stay home and their wife works while they care for the house and its not looked upon as odd. What you need to find out is:
Does he have your ambition to get ahead? will he see you as the competition or is he happy where he is? He has to be open and honest about that.. and will he want to continue to work there after you are married? Will there be a conflict in office relations?
btw a relationship trust and like interests make for a wonderful friendship which makes a lasting relationship.(love is for romantics and valentine's day enthusiasts :))

Answer 7

It depends on you and the guy. Many men are very sensitive about this sort of thing and though he might say anything, he might harbor resentment. Is there any way you could help him or encourage him to advance his education so that he could move into a higher pay range?

If there is true love and he and you are open-minded enough to deposit both paychecks into one account and never look at it as "my" money or "your" money, you could avoid too much discomfort.

Answer 8

It all depends on his character. I make more money than my husband and my income is essential. But he is understanding, loving and appreciative, and that's why we do not have problems at all.
He does not have inferiority complexes and I do not ever dare to make him feel bad about it. Whoever has the money is more than willing to spend it on our Home.
If he is that kind of a man then expect no problems at all. You know him better, so just try to make sure he has no inferiority complexes and that he will not later save his own money (or spend it on his pleasures) and depend on your income, because some men do that.

Answer 9

There is a high probability that this issue will bring some unwanted scenes later, either now or on the long run. so, you better test his "sensitivity" level, i am not sure how you can do that but try to find a way. If you can handle the sensitivity issue, you can handle work colleagues.

Answer 10

i reckon you have to have a very serious conversation with him on the topic. some men say they don't mind, but the day-to-day life sometimes proves otherwise.
in the workplace, it might be a problem if you're his direct superior, or if you work in the same department (would you really want to be with him all day?). if however you work in different areas for the same company, it shouldn't be a problem.
good luck in nay case x

Answer 11

Well you should go for him, but if you feel that he loves you because of your position or your position might become cause of conflict in your married life, then better clear these things first by asking tricky questions. (don't ask straight forward)

And once you decide to go with him, then stick on your decision. World keeps their thoughts changing but you gotta have gutts to endure it & face the situation.