Help with relationship, serious answers only.?

Question

This is such a long story, so I'll be as blunt as I can. I have a fiance, and we have one child together, and he has a child from a previous relationship. The children are one and three, respectivley. While I was pregnant, my fiance (just boyfriend at the time) was not so helpful or understanding. Out late all night, and minor other things. When I was in the hospital after I had my daughter, he had to go home because his "back hurt" and could not spend the night there with me. After we got home from the hospital he went to the bar and left me home with a newborn and a 5 inch incision in my stomache (c-section). After awhile, my daughter was about five months old, I found a bunch of drug paraphanilla that I think was used for meth. Then, I found out he cheated on me when my daughter was 6 months old. I didn't find out untill after he had PROPOSED to me. Now I am to a point where I've told him to clean up his act (I just found more drug paraphanilla) and even if he does...

I dont think I can forgive him. But I'm to scared to leave because I dont want to have to start all over agan, and I have nowhere to go. Now lately I have been having dreams about another man, and it makes me mad that this is happening. I dont want to have thoughts about cheating, but I cant help it. I would never actually cheat, but even just THINKING about it is horrible to me. I dont know if I should forget the past and hope my man will change, of if it will never happen (hence "men neven change"). Has anyone gone threw this? Is anyone a single parent that can give me their out look on single parenting? Is anyone dealing with a spouse on drugs? Is anyone having thoughts about someone other than thier spouse? Any input would help me out alot.

Answer 1

Sounds like you're having it really hard at the moment. I really do feel for you. I think you know what the right answer is already - You absolutely have to get out of this situation.

There seem to be a lot of problems with your fiance. He is unsupportive. He is unfaithful. He is unreliable. He is untrustworthy. He is a drug abuser. He is a very bad role model for his children.

I think you need to asses this from the pointof view that you are now a mother and this whole situation is no longer just about you & your fiance. You need to think about your daughter's future. Is she safe in an environment with drugs? What would happen if she somehow managed to get her little hands on some of the paraphanilla. Can your fiance be trusted to care for her and watch her if there's a possibility of him getting high? What sort of example does it set for your daughter? Will she grow up believing drugs are acceptable and, god forbid, turn to them herself.

If your fiance cheats on you he is also cheating on his daughter. He is putting his family second and I think that if this is happening so early in your daughter's life - it will always happen. Don't let her grow up seeing you as someone who accepts this sort of behavour from a man.

You will be a great mother and a great influence on this little girl's life. So be the best possible influence you can be to her. Be a role model that she will be proud of in the future. Please forget about this man you so clearly does not deserve a family as wonderful as you and your daughter.

Answer 2

You are going through alot right now..and I have been in a similar situation several years ago to my children's father. He cheated on me with women, used drugs, and would go out all times of the day and not come home for hours. I have been there!

I put up with it for 2 years for my boys. I finally had made my mind up that I had enough and I left. He begged me back but I knew I wanted and deserved better. You can not change someone..they would need to want to change within. I knew this was not the case.

I know your scared because you are starting over if you take this leap and your probley thinking the same way I did. How will want a single mother and how will I make it on my own? Well, we single parents are alot stronger then we think we are! There is also life and love down the road. I have after 7 years found the man that I was suppose to marry. He is wonderful to me and my children...and if I would have stayed so many years ago..then I would have never understood how a woman should be treated with respect and love..you deserve that too! Good luck!

Answer 3

OK you requested in the event you must positioned your foot down and say you are now not. Not what? You misplaced me at that factor. But besides, I do not wish to sound to ahead however what's the rush? If it is intended to be then allow it occur how it must. Did you rush into your first marriage? What is the significant circle you're relating to? I can bet that once sixteen months whatever goes very proper when you consider that the 2 of you're nonetheless in combination. Talk to him approximately your issues however some thing you do are not making him think as though he's being confused to make a resolution in any other case you would lose him for well. As you could have stated it is a first for him and you could have been there performed that so simply allow him come round in his possess time in the event you love him sufficient to do this. Just suppose of ways you'll think if the trouble have been reversed and be sincere. I desire you all of the good fortune to your courting.

Answer 4

"Men never change" is a stereotype. While it may be true that a lot of men really don't change, some do. However, I don't think that's the case with your guy. If he is in fact doing meth thats one of the most dangerous and most addictive drugs a person can do and no meth user should be around children at all. You have a child to think about and that child's safety and well-being are more important than your desire to be in a relationship. A bad father is not better than no father. I won't suggest that you cheat on him. You should dump him and move on with a guy who will treat you right and be a good role model for your child.

Answer 5

Similar scenario - but with booze. My ex went on a 2 day drinking binge after I had my son. I was the only mother in the ward that didn't have a visit from Daddy that weekend. In hind sight, I should have decided what to do then. Things never got any better, and I wasted too many years in this one-sided relationship. As for leaving, and being a single mother? Best decision I ever made. It's scary - but the right thing to do. (the easy way out is the wrong way). He's using drugs, and cheating (as when high they have no concept of right and wrong). Save your daughter and yourself from grief, and get out. You need a man you can rely on, to love and support you, and be a stable presence in your daughters life. Choose happiness - move on. Good Luck.

Answer 6

My cousin has a husband like this and they have three kids together and to make a long story short they had a mobile home and they sold it to build a house well the money they sold it with he went and spent all of it on meth.Then got hooked it has been a down hill slope for the last three years.They only had two kids then.He got hooked never stayed home to help her with the kids she lost her job because he was harrassing her at work.She ended up cheating on him and that really made things worse he started acting real crazy then.They lived at his parents for about two years if not more while he drank and drugged and she had no job and no home of her own and no money to support her kids.The last kid she had he didn't even go for the birth cuz he was having drug withdrawels and was sick.I don't know about you but this sounds like this is the kind of life you will end up living if you stay with this person.Its hard to start over but once you do and get past the missing and hurt part you are so much more at peace.I would not marry this man if I were you he does not respect you and does not love your child or he would have stayed with you at the hospital my husband never left me there alone for a second.He was right there thru the whole thing and even took care of the baby in the middle of the night to let me rest.Thats what kind of husband you deserve not some punk who cares more about his buddies than his fiance and child.I would never be with someone who didn't show they loved me and my daughter I don't care if I had to leave with nothing and start over I would because I would rather be alone than with someone who makes me feel like nothing.This is a decision that will be hard but you gotta be strong for your child and do what it takes to make a safe happy home for her.Its not about you and your husband as much as about that innocent baby.

Answer 7

I've been through this. I was with my ex for 10 years before I woke up and realized he wasn't going to change. My ex sounds a lot like your boyfriend. I was left at home with my two kids while he was out partying all the time. He had a major drug and alcohol addiction and promised me over and over that he would clean up his act. Sometimes it would happen for short periods of time but he always went back to the same old person. It's not healthy for the kids or you to stay in the relationship. It is scary at first being a single mom but it really isn't as bad as you are thinking. Things get easier and easier with time and you'll end up happier without him and so will your kids. Eventually you'll find someone who will actually love and respect you and your kids, your boyfriend does not!

Answer 8

It's better to raise your child alone then to stay in a bad relationship. The stress and emotional trauma that you feel and are going through, will eventually have an affect on your daughter in many ways....not to mention having a drug abuser in the home. I would leave, and tell him that when he's gotten the help he needs and gets his priorities straight, then maybe a reconciliation could be discussed. Then maybe during this time alone, you will be able to work on your self esteem and confidence, and be able to deal with everything with a clear mind. Your daughter deserves your full attention, and you deserve to fully enjoy your baby without having to worry so much. You also deserve love and respect, which it doesn't sound like he is able to give you. It's better to be single and happy, then married and miserable. My best of wishes for you....

Answer 9

I agree with JP and sluff off anyone who is requesting you feel guilty about doing so. Standing your ground is not controlling it's quite the opposite because it's verbally giving him a choice which he chooses either or. If he chooses the relationship let him know you will stand by him...understanding that nobody is perfect. If I were you I'd let him know that under no circumstances will you be party to a child near meths or paraphernalia. I've heard that homes where it is made is causing cancer. I do not know if that is true but you may want to look up that drug and it's environmental risks. What if the children put that stuff in their mouths?

Answer 10

How can you even consider staying with this man? First off meth is nearly impossible to stop using it is powerfully addictive and he cheated on you, he treats you like crap. You child will be exposed to this if you stay. Guess what, you could be held for child endangerment for not doing anything to protect your child. There are so many things out there to help single moms that you are actually better off a single mom then married in some cases.