From day one my mother-in-law had a PROBLEM, so for peace I stayed away; visit at Christmas times etc. One Christmas 10 years ago in front of everyone she said to me "If you can only come by at Christmas - stay AWAY. I said okay, then my husband said... if you are not welcome I am not welcome you and I are one the bible says when you marry you become one with your partner. So he too have stayed away! Now I am called the bad person because my husband do not go by.........NOW mother-in-law is playing the blame game again----10 YEARS AND COUNTING?
2007-02-13 00:00:21 · 29 answers · asked by alynda 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
...if my mother in law would have told me that..??.....
You damn betcha I would have stayed away. It would be her loss in the long run. Good Luck...and don't fret about it.
2007-02-13 00:04:29 · answer #1 · answered by K.W. 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dont get worried. The history never says there has been a good relationship between MIL and DIL.
Still, the most important person for you is your husband and not your mother in law. While your husband understands you well, you dont need to worry much about the blames. Blame is always there even if you do good. Stay cool!
2007-02-13 00:54:58 · answer #2 · answered by Irismar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"If you can only come by at Christmas - stay AWAY"
That was code for "why aren't you interested in getting along with us?"
The Bible does not say marry and get rid of husband's family...which is now, because you are both as one, your family also. Becoming as one refers to the relationship between the husband and the wife. It absolutely does not have anything to do with severing family ties to the point of not associating and disrespect. If you are a Christian you know that isn't doing your best. If your husband suddenly pretended he had no former relationship with his parents he's lying and pitting you against his parents. Nice set up there because it really visually puts you as the blame even if you aren't. I'd get active in the daughter-in-law department and get to know your family. Hubby is not leading you he's reaping negative attention off of you unless you initially started the unrest in the family when you married their son....I have no idea.
2007-02-13 00:19:47 · answer #3 · answered by GoodQuestion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My mother did the same thing to my sister in law years ago. Now there are children involved and she still makes my brother and sister in law suffer by playing the blame game.
We all make choices in are life - good or bad and from and outsiders point of view, your mother in law made a bad decision. You abided by it. Everyone knows that. However, you still have this problem.
Obviously, your mother-in law was hurt that you didn't spend enough time with her by telling you to stay away.
Is it possible for you to try and make an effort with her now, outside of holidays? Start by sending her thoughtful notes. Does she have a special interest such as gardening, baking, travel? Maybe you can put some thought into on of her interests and bring her something on it such as a special gardening tool, plant and new baking gadget or info on a special place she would like to travel to. For your husband, who has stood up for you , you must try (as difficult as it may be) to bond with this woman.
Good luck
2007-02-13 00:12:10 · answer #4 · answered by IPnlove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother in law is a selfish *****. She is acting the way so very many women act, in order to get their way and to get what they want.
Your husband has the right take on this and is being a good man. Both of you should simply tell this old lady that she is a witch and then explain to her that the way she acts would make everyone wish to stay away, regardless of her wanting them there or not.
You will always be called the bad person when you wont give in, be silent, do what others want. Concentrate on doing what is right and what you should do and dont be concerned with what people like. For the most part, people are immoral, unethical, selfish turds. Pay them no attention.
2007-02-13 00:08:56 · answer #5 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Perhaps she feels that you had the problem by staying away in the first place, but she probably did not realise that it was her behaviour that made you only visit at Christmas time. Perhaps this has gone on long enough though, I am sure she would rather be at peace with you and her son that still be fighting.
2007-02-13 00:40:51 · answer #6 · answered by sparkleythings_4you 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would, if it was only me. There's no reason going some place where you're not wanted. However, I have to think of my husband and child. I don't want to make my husband choose between our family and his mother. I would try to get at the root of the problem. She may have some issues or maybe she's just jealous and scared you would usurp her place in his affections. If it really couldn't be cleared away by talking openly then I would have no choice but to let her go.
2007-02-13 00:13:45 · answer #7 · answered by Seryus! 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me that she was annoyed that you only came by at Christmas and possibly hurt too.
Sounds to me like she wanted you to come by more often and not just make a "holiday appearance" for the family.
I am sorry but after reading what you wrote a couple times you and your husbadn look like the bad guys. I would be terribly hurt if my son and daughter in law only visited at the holidays.
2007-02-13 00:39:11 · answer #8 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sadly some mothers are like this when their sons marry. they feel like you took their son away from them. nothing you can say or do is going to please this woman. as long as you are not telling your husband to stay away from his mom, you have nothing to feel bad about. i would encourage him to still maintain a relationship with his mom. she is the only mother he has not matter how unreasonable she is being. he does need to explain to her that you are his wife and that you are to be respected and that they only reason you ONLY came by at Christmas is because you knew how she felt abut you and you were trying to be respectful of her feelings and not cause any trouble. and that it was her choice to not see him anymore because she was not being respectful of his marriage. if she still does not change and he still chooses to not see her, he should just send her presents for her birthday,Christmas,mothers day, etc.that way he is still making an effort. and she can choose to respect his feelings or ignore them. either way it will be her decision.
good luck to you . i hope things work out.
2007-02-13 00:13:23 · answer #9 · answered by fungirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yahoo! Search. lyrics "Mother In Law"
2. Scott's Place.
2007-02-13 00:24:02 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good move on your husband's part. This is clearly an issue that your mother-in-law has been having long before she met you, so don't take it personally. The blame is with her.
2007-02-13 00:08:07 · answer #11 · answered by Joe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋