Okay, I babysit for a friend every afternoon when her daughter gets out of school. My friend does not pay me which is fine, and I help her out because she doesn't have a lot of money to pay for after school care for her daughter. I understand where she's coming from, but lately it seems like she is overstepping her bounds. She doesn't get home when she says she'll be home and doesn't ever offer to watch my kids for me. I was very short with her this morning b/c she's supposed to be home at 3:30 today, but left for work late so it will be closer to 5:30. This is really starting to interfere with my alone time with my own kids and my own work schedule. (I have flexible hours) I need to know a tactful way to tell her she needs to either be here when she's supposed to be here or find another sitter or start keeping my kids from time to time. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
2007-02-12 23:59:22 · 14 answers · asked by samiam246 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Thanks for everyone's input...I failed to mention that we're next door neighbors and our kids play outside together all the time which is why I don't want any bad blood between us....
2007-02-13 06:24:34 · update #1
just be honest.
you have to tell her how you feel.
honesty is always the best policy.
i;m not saying she won;t get hurt
but she will respect you in the long run .
2007-02-13 00:03:21 · answer #1 · answered by rottentothecore 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
1. How if you take your kids into her house? So you still can have time with them?
2. Ask her for her honest answer. Maybe she has to work overtime to get some money. We'll never know until she speak out. Tell her about your objection. You need to hear (first) and be heard (secondly).
3. Leave her alone, if you can't stand it anymore.
2007-02-13 09:11:33 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is not intentionally trying to treat you like a door mat, she is just figures you have nothing better to do anyways. Just before she goes out the door, confirm the time she will be home and tell her to phone her if it changes. If she doesn't do that the next time she is working late, tell her you can't babysit for her because it is interfering with your obligations. Believe me she will not get mad at you.
The fact is when people do not have to pay for something (even a little something) they see no value in it.
2007-02-13 08:46:39 · answer #3 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be pissy when someone takes advantage of your kindness. A friend wouldn't do that. Or at least give you notice of when she's going in late/home late etc. Tell her. If she doesn't like it?...then she can pay for afterschool care. Don't let her take advantage of you anymore. Good Luck
2007-02-13 08:48:30 · answer #4 · answered by K.W. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you're being a door mat. You are trying to do a nice thing for a person who you call a friend, but she is not being much of a friend is she? Perhaps she's not really your friend. Are you afraid that if you stop doing nice things for her that she will go away? Would that be so bad? Some people are really good at sucking the life out of you and taking everything they can from other people without any reciprocity. No one needs someone like this as a friend.
Having said that, if you choose to continue to do her this favor, you need to speak directly to her about deadlines and that you cannot continue to watch her children if she cannot respect those deadlines. If she says that she has no choice, tell her that you're sorry that you can't help her and that she will need to find alternative childcare. Giving her two week notice will allow her plenty of time to arrange other care.
Throughout your life you will run into people like this. It is important to stand up for yourself and do what YOU need to do for YOURSELF and your family. No one else is going to fix it for you. You are the one who is in control here - don't let others make you feel obligated or guilty about saying no.
It takes practice, but the more you do it, the easier it will become.
Good luck.
2007-02-13 08:12:23 · answer #5 · answered by Jasper213 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since she is your friend and it sounds as though you want to salvage the friendship, then you must be as diplomatic as possible. It is not what you say but how you say it. You may tell her that you do mind helping her, but can she also help you out by keeping you informed of the time that you can expect her for this helps you to plan your life.
2007-02-13 08:50:58 · answer #6 · answered by myleshunt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to approach your friend and tell her what's going through your mind. If she is your friend then she has to be told straight up that the current arrangement is not working out the way you would wish. Be respectful and firm.
2007-02-13 08:09:56 · answer #7 · answered by Solid 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is using you. The minute you suggest seriously for her to look after your children or to do something for you, or to tell her you will stop looking for her children, she'll drop you and move on.
She is using you as a free baby sitter.
2007-02-13 08:25:05 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you have your own life and kids and that you want to spend more time with your kids,to see how they growing up,help them with they homework,kiss them for goodnight and tell her that her doughter needs a little more attention from her!
2007-02-13 08:40:09 · answer #9 · answered by Adviser 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to say, but I think it's now at the point that you are going to have to be direct and tell her to be home on time, case closed. Tell her she has one week to pull herself together and decide to stop taking your time for granted, or you are going to quit watching her kids. If you don't stand up now, you'll forever be her doormat and your kids will suffer as well as your relationship with your kids.
2007-02-13 08:05:00 · answer #10 · answered by GirlinNB 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u should tell her nicely that u need money right now and u would like for her to be on time because u have things to do
2007-02-13 08:03:21 · answer #11 · answered by redwrestlingblue 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋