im soo confuse..dunno what is happening
A-24 y.o=my girlfriend since 8 yrs ago; hot tempered,always mad at me, expect me to be perfect, put all her problems to me, nag all the time, hurt my feeling everytime, always fight, ego,abuse me emotionally, disrespectful, dominant, already discuss abt this.
however; she is matured, confident, treat me good when she's in the mood, firm,love me
B- 23y.o=another girl who comes to my life 3 mnths ago; bit childish-always cheerfully like a little girl, not firm in decision,
however, she seems to really understands me, accept me as i am, charming, cute, modest-but sometimes too humble, softhearted, love me,
i love them both,
i know i cant live with A as my wife, but i have so much beautiful memories with her, and i still love her.
should i continue with A although im hurt everyday and she become a queen ctrl?
or try new relation? what if im really miss my ex? would the feeling fade away with respect to time?
please help me
2007-02-12 20:08:00 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
the first one (A) will give you hell (and maybe you like it??)
and you have to get to know the second one more, 3 month is not enough...
2007-02-12 20:23:56 · answer #1 · answered by gone 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Relationships in the early months are always sweet, but what you like about B now can become an annoyance later on.
Did you like A in the beginning of the relationship because she was confident, knew what she wanted in life etc, and do you feel that those good aspects are now turning into something bad? Remember that this will happen with B aswell. Her cheerfullness and indecisiveness might seem appealing to you now, but for how long.
Don't throw away an 8 year relationship because the grass looks greener on the other side. On the other hand, if you say that you can't live with A as your wife then you already have your answer. But think on it very carefully.
If you are going to marry someone, you must remember that there will always be more difficult days then easy ones. And whether you end up being with A or B, there will always be problems. A might be a control freak, but B might end up being dependent and unable to look after herself. You might feel attracted to B, because you find life with A difficult. But using B for a way out would be the wrong decision. If you decide to break up with A, you should spend time alone, make sure it is the right thing to do, and not immediatly step into another relationship. If you use B to get over A, you come to regret this later. You will end up resenting B for coming between you.
2007-02-12 20:26:34 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stay with A and sort things out between you. Find out why she's being this way. Tell her you're unhappy and am thinking about splitting up but emphasize that you love her very much and don't want this to happen.
The words that you use to describe both girls is telling: for A you use 'firm', 'confident' and 'mature'. This is in contrast to 'humble', 'childish' and 'cute'. You obviously don't consider her as an equal or as a challenge. Being an equal in a rship is necessary.
Furthermore, you've only known B for 3 months. I bet A seemed more 'charming' at 3 months. Most do, but at least with A you know that the love lasted, even if the adulation and innocence of the early relationship has dwindled.
If you did dump A the pain probably would fade over time but you may always feel a sense of regret.
You need to make a decision though as if either of them find out about the other you may lose both.
Good luck.
2007-02-12 20:23:39 · answer #3 · answered by allears 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I say stay with A!!! I think you have not known the secret to being a man...
when you have a decision be decisive... can you live with it for the rest of your life... things you need to consider... is she controlling you or you just can't control yourself... remember... they are mad because they are mad at small things and the rest of the day they get more irritated, because of small things...
late to work... 10%
boss is angry... 25%
unfinished work... 35%
your late for the date... 55%
you didn't ask how she was... 70%
you get what I mean...
they just want you to be there... period...
women nag all the time, because they know you can do so much more...
she fights and hurts you because she knows you more than you know yourself....
egoistic... needed for the job...
abuse emotionally... I don't think so... disrespectful... maybe when angry...
dominant... because you might not be a self-starter...
women tend to remember the past and bring it to the conversation, because it still hurts...
do you see what I mean...
women are supposed to be taken care of... when the bad day gets too worse... she might not be able to handle it...
If she says anything... remember she didn't mean you... she is just venting out her feelings... you need to see and hear her... you can help her that way... go with the flow... don't go against what she is saying... say... hmmm, yeah... I would too... I think you are right... I feel the same way if I'm in your position... Yes... going with the flow let's her communicate herself and you listen... evade... give positive feedbacks.... that is the hunters way... the old way... listen intently... that would help her... she will find the answer to her problems anyway...
why? women use both brains at the same time and it is very hard to process emotions... men use only one half of the brain at one time... so we don't process the same way as they do...
Stay with the one you have right now... she is need of what only you can give... would you run away from someone who trusts you that much... you are a coward if you choose B... and she will be a scapegoat... face it like a man... and you'll be a man in her eyes...
Lastly, "You are the most improtant person in the whole process..." Leo Buscaglia said that... So, unless you plan to become one with her and improve what you have with communication you will never have the relationship you want. Make the best out of it... yourself... and her... you will have her falling in love with you more than before... trust me I know...
Hope this helps...;-)
2007-02-12 21:01:35 · answer #4 · answered by DEADPOOL 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If either of these young women were really the one you should marry you wouldn't be asking this question about either of them.
You're young. The first young women sounds like she's got issues. There's a chance you underestimate the maturity of the second one just because she may be secure enough not to have to "act grown up" or "act all serious". Even so, you would know for sure if she were the one.
Forget about thinking about marrying anyone until you meet someone and think, "This is the one!". Why on Earth would you settle, particularly since you're so young.
2007-02-12 20:41:53 · answer #5 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! I am gong through a VERY similar situation! I've been with someone for 8 years (and am not completely happy). And just met someone a month ago (and am very intrigued). And I feel you, when you say you love them both. It's so hard - I can't choose either! I too would have to agree with many of the other suggestions, that you should take time for yourself, to reflect on things. Let them both know that you need time and really reflect and let your heart (and head) tell you what you really want and what's best for you. Best of luck. I know exactly what you are going through, you can email me if you'd like to vent/talk!
2016-05-24 04:36:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Definitely dump girl A. You may have been with her a long time, but if you are not happy with her completely after 8 years, do you really think the next 40 or 50 years are going to change her?
Don't marry girl B until you know her for longer.
I think you need to be single for a while and date other girls.
2007-02-12 20:23:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you really want your relationship to work with her you should both try communicating more. However, if you've already tried every possible option and failed then maybe it is time to see other people, but this should be your choice since no one knows those two girls more then you!
Good luck :)
2007-02-12 20:20:01 · answer #8 · answered by Amy ;) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you really dont know then its not time to get married.
2007-02-12 22:45:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋