domestic violence?

Question

i split up with my ex almost 2 years ago due to domestic violence he does have a police record following this incident! problem i have is we have a child together that he isnt really al that bothered about but is now saying he wants to see but i feel he is only doing it to get at me, the house i live in is a joint morgage with him (i cannt at this time get rehouse) but since we have split he had done nothing but mess around walking in and out of my daughters live he owes me money but refuses to give me it he wont pay his half of the mortgage and never bothered to get our child anything for xmas or birthday not evan a card! he basically wants us out of the house and has told me that he wants to get me in to a much dbt as possible and has made threts like unless i sell the house he doesnt want to see our child and wnt give me a penny lots of other things simalair to this have happened but now he is thro his solicitor demanding acsess plz help is this still domestic violence

these mind games are destroying my life! and can anyone do anything about it to make him grow up and stop it! i cant get away from him as we have a child

i have got a solicitor an am been told i have to go along with him and let him see are child and if i run away i can get into a lot of trouble the housing situation where i live is terriable i cant get any where to live am trying so hard and cos of the debt he is causing they wont be any money left from the sale of the house yet he has nothing to pay he rents a room at his dads for £10 a week the rest of his money goes behind the bar at the pub

Answer 1

I knew somebody in a similar situation, they split up and she remained in the house and she paid the mortgage for TEN years, then he showed up out of the blue demanding he wanted the place sold, which she had to do because he was named on the mortage and when they sold it she had to split the profit, even though he hadn't paid a penny. So BEWARE, seek legal advice right away. It sounds to me that you would be better off selling off the house just to get rid of him because all the time he knows there is money to be had he probably won't let you rest. Don't worry he'll soon waste the money, but he won't be able to come back for more because it's gone. Then you and the kids can start a new life without him breathing down your neck.

Answer 2

OK straight away during working hours, call your local woman's refuge and ask to speak to an outreach worker, if they were involved with you following your DMV (Domestic Violence) you may still have a contact no, if not dont worry they CAN still help you.
They can offer you support through this, they also have the resources to get you into a solicitor to get legal advice, and support you 100% Yes this is STILL domestic Violence, its mental abuse and the people who inflict this upon their partners whether male or female know all the right buttons to push.
An outreach worker can work with you to liaise with the mortgage company, utilities, CSA, they can help you get back into a positive environment emotionally, they are not counsellors, they can direct you there if you feel you need it.
There is a national Domestic Violence Helpline which is a 24hr helpline, they may be able to put you in touch with the local network.
With their support and the right legal advice, you will be able to get what is best for your daughter, if it goes to court, and you have no representation it may not end up in a direction you would be happy with. The court will always look at the best interests of the child, and in the majority that will be maintaining contact with her father,

Support Line: 020 8554 9004, email [e-mail]

Call them, Get the support you need, they will be able to help.

Your not on your own, pickup the phone or email them.
Good Luck.

Answer 3

Go and see a solicitor - if you are not working you will probably get legal aid and not have to pay a penny!

It is not domestic violence but could be considered threatening behaviour!

You need a solicitor to take up your case and let them deal with his solicitor - your solicitorwill make it clear that he/she/you will not tolerate threats and blackmail!

He or she may even apply for an injunction against him to stop him coming to the house or within a set distance - if he breaks the rules of the injunction and in view of his 'previous' he could be sent to prison!

Do it now - pick up a Yellow Pages and ring some solicitors - they will advise you on Legal Aid etc -

Answer 4

I'm sorry to hear this. It is difficult to advise you as there are some details I don't know, and I'm ony familiar with family law in UK, although it might be similar in other countries.

If in UK, you are protected by the law. You can apply for an injunction if he is still violent in any way. Remember that he already has a police record.

He should be paying maintenance towards the upkeep of his daughter. It works both ways - not all his way.

Your daughter has a right to see her natural father, too. It sounds as if you are both still angry with each other, which is understandable. But you are the one looking after your child, and as such, deserve to be treated with respect and understanding. It is hard being a single parent.

Treat your ex with respect too, however hard it is - if you behave as though he is not getting to you, he will back off eventually. You need to be able to express your feelings - but not to him. It might help to have some counselling - often available free through your doctor.

You have a right to have support and legal advice and I urge you to get this as soon as possible. You could start by going to your local citizen's advice bureau (number will be in yellow pages)

Also, ask your family and friends for emotional support.

Don't let him get to you. Hold your head up high. Don't get into debt - because it will weaken your position and lower your self-esteem. If you're already in debt, ask citizen's advice bureau for advice on this too.

It will help your self esteem if you have a network of people around you - an understanding GP, and helpful advisers at citizen's advice bureau, and more friends around you too. Join a parent's group (parent and toddler group if your child is little) Get talking to other parents when you take your child to school, tumble tots, and anything else you take her to.

Try to smile whenever you can (I know it's not easy) You will get through this. Show your daughter that you can be strong even in the midst of such a difficult situation.

Wishing you good luck and sending supportive vibes.

Answer 5

I have read what you've said, & the answers.
I agree you need to keep a diary of events, conversations etc.
I would ask my solicitor to file an injunction to stop him coming anywhere near you & the child (because he is a threat).
I would put the house on the market.
I would consider phoning the domestic violence hotline & speaking to the domestic violence officer attached to my nearest police station, to make them aware of your situation & the threat posed to you & your child, & I would consider the possibility of going into a refuge, using that as a lever to ensure you get housing.
(Not knowing how much money you will get from the house sale = you may not be able to afford to buy a place).

OR, I would consider getting your solicitor to write him a letter detailing your grievances & reasons for not allowing access.

If the matter goes to court, because he contests your reasons, your diary, injunction, spell in a refuge etc., will all be taken into consideration - but he might still get access to your child.

So to pre-empt that, you could just simply lose contact with him by opting for a refuge in another county, keeping your address secret, & changing your names- that only costs £3.50, so that he cannot trace you via elec bills, council tax, elector's rolls etc.

That may sound absurdly dramatic but a violent nature coupled with alcohol could have very bad consequences, so you do need to take appropiate action for your short & long term protection.

Answer 6

Can you afford an attorney? If not, is there a low cost lawyer referral service, in your area? Have you tried the bar association in your area? Maybe someone from there can represent you pro bono (no cost). Do you have a restraining order on him? If so, why are you talking to him? If he tries to approach you, you can call the cops, and he can be arrested if there is one. If not, please get one. Do you have a job? Can you move into an apt. with a roommate-that maybe has a child themselves? Please, talk with an attorney on this whole matter. You need to protect yourself and your child. If you have a parenting plan, showing this guy is the father of your child, and child support is ordered, and he hasn't/won't pay a dime, let the court know this-he would be in contempt of court Not good. I wish you the best. Take care.

Answer 7

Call the cops and let them know what's going on.He has a past of hitting you.Although there is situations that people stop using abuse in relationships, it seems like that's not the case here.The child doesn't need to be in that type of environment.Who's to say that when the child gets older the father doesn't "abuse" the child.Don't let someone in that is ruining your's and your child's life.Reguardless of who that person is.You and your child won't be safe like that.Let the cops know of everything he's doing.Maybe they can do a little more.Depending on what the Law Enforcement is like where you are from.Good luck and hope everything turns out good!

Answer 8

Seek legal council. Get out of the house and try to sell it. Do you have family or friends you can stay with? He is still controlling you and abusing you and your child. Record everything that he does. The more information you have to take to an attorney the better. It sounds like he doesn't really have a leg to stand on and he is just using scare tactics. Don't play into his game. Get control of your life and your childs.

Answer 9

I Have to say first that I believe that you may not be in the US since you are referring to a solicitor. But 1st of all were`there not support and visitation worked out in the divorce. Take him to family court and let them collect for you. No fuss no muss. If you are concerned about violence try for a PFA

Answer 10

My advice dear is get legal advice - legal aid (its free) find out where you stand and ALL your options. Don't be concerned this freak doesn't want to see your child as why would you want him to be in your daughters life anyway? You want to teach your daughter that she is above all this situation and not to repeat the same mistakes you have. You want to teach her better life choices and choices in life partners. Don't show her that you will be walked on. When you know where you stand legally then you can act accordingly with strength and this is the best example you can show your daughter. He will treat you bad as long as you let him, end the circle of domestic violence on your terms. Once the legalities are sorted, then figure out the level of involvement you want him to have in your daughters life.