My Wife said she wants a divorce, but now she is sending mixed signals...?

Question

My wife and I have been married for 8yrs. She told me 2 weeks ago that she wanted a divorce and she has contacted a lawyer and I have made plans to move out. I know that I have been not the best husband - no I haven't cheated on her, I am just moody and I tend to keep a lot of my emotions bottled up. She has told me that she doesn't feel loved and that she wants attention, and that she doesn't see us getting back together. Today we had a really long talk, something that I have not been able to do with her for a long time. I told her that I accepted her decision and I wanted her to be happy and we both decided that we want to remain friends. I don't know if it is because I am losing her, but I was really turned on after our long talk, and I told her that but I also told her that I wasn't going to act on my feelings out of respect for her. She then kept coming back to talk to me and I tried several times to leave but my urges got the best of me and we had sex.

After we were finished she reminded me that nothing was changing, that it was only sex. By the way I have tried to get her to go to counseling, but she has not been receptive to it.

She has said other little things that make me think that she doesn't really want this, but she is not going to make it easy on me. I am supposed to sign a lease on an apartment on friday, should I sign it or should I ask her if we can try for a couple of months and see if we can work things out? To be honest I didn't realize how much I loved her until after she said it was over.

Answer 1

There might be a chance for the two of you. You did what she'd been wanting for you to do for a long time. You were emotinally intimate by talking to her. Come right out and ask her if there's still a chance. Have you both considered counseling?

Addition to your additional details: She may have said that the sex was only sex because she really is afraid that nothing has changed, and that maybe you're just doing this to keep things the way they were. She doesn't really trust you. Maybe you should ask her if she would consider a legal separation where you both explore how your relationship might be salvaged--instead of rushing into a divorce. You'd be apart, which is what she wants right now. But the divorce would not be final, so that you could still be married if that ends up being what you want. I still would push for the counseling.

Answer 2

Wow, 8 yrs. is a long time to invest in a relationship. Do you think maybe she needs your attention sooo much that she is willing to take it this far to see if you care. You might be paying her more attention now that she's contacted a att'y and that might be all she's been hoping for. Tonight you had this long talk and you're fearful? of losing her so maybe you gave her the attention she is craving. If you two love each other, please take the time to put eveything into it you have. Start seeing a counselor and try to make it work. Hey, you've already got 8 yrs in this, what's a couple more months? I'm afraid if you both don't give this every chance, you'll be sorry for a long time to come. You don't mention kids but if they're involved you really have to make the effort. I wish you nothing but the best and will say a prayer for you and yours.

Answer 3

GOING THRUE A DIVORCE RIGHT NOW NO FUN. YOU SAID SHE IS NOT RECEPTIVE TO COUNSELING . SHE DOES NOT HAVE TO GO I AM JUST LIKE YOU I KEEP IT BOTTLED UP YOU DON'T MEAN TO IT JUST HAPPENS WERE MEN. GO GET HELP FOR YOURSELF AND IN TIME SHE WILL SEE THE CHANGES YOU MAKE EVEN IF IT MEANS YOU GO EVERY COUPLE OF YEARS FOR A REFRESHER DO IT.AND IN THE END YOU KNOW THAT YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU COULD DO NOT GIVE UP THE FIGHT. MAKE EVERY DAY ABOUT HER IF SHE WANT'S TO MOVE OUT YOU CAN NOT STOP HER BUT BE VERY NICE TO HER THRUE ALL OF THIS. VALENTINES DAY IS JUST AROUND THE CORNER MAKE THIS DAY A DAY FOR THE BOTH OF YOU TO START OVER AND GET BACK TO THE PLACE YOU WERE WHEN SHE FELL IN LOVE WITH YOU. SEDUCE HER EVERY DAY IT IS A START SIT HER DOWN AND TAKE THE TIME TO TALK TO HER. JUST TAKE 30 MINUTES A DAY MAYBE TWICE A DAY IF ALL ELSE FAILS GO FOR THE SEX. LET HER KNOW YOU ARE THERE MAKE HER FEEL THAT YOU ARE THERE PHYSICALLY AND EMOTIONALLY. DO NOT EVER WALK AWAY FROM HER YOU LOVE HER DON'T YOU THAN SHOW IT. GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

I suggest you both go to marriage counseling. It sounds as if you were giving her the attention and validation she needed when you "had a really long talk" and that you "accepted her decision" and "wanted her to be happy." You said things that she needed to hear.

As a woman, I would rethink a divorce if my husband was willing to start opening up and sharing his feelings with me, allowed me to be me and cared how I felt.

Since she kept coming back, I suspect she was looking for more of the same feelings she got when you opened up to her. The fact that you made love (sex is a physical act) leads me to believe that she wants your marriage to work. She was a willing participant in that bit of intimacy.

I think you two have something worth saving. Good luck and be blessed.

Answer 5

She kept coming back because you finally did something shes wanted for a long time. You opening up to her. It turns women on.
She wants to know you, who you are. The fact you wont share yourself with her is why she wants the divorce. Then you did talk and that made her happy. Have you thought of getting couples counseling so you can continue this talking thing with her and find a middle ground where both of you can get what you need? Youve given her some hope.

Answer 6

I told my husband I wanted a divorce many times too BUT I didn't really meant it. I guess it was more of a threat to him then. But since talking to him and he opened his heart and mind (just like you) we are much closer to each other. The thought of divorce is no longer in my head anymore. I am very sure you and your wife will be together again. Just treat her much nicer and be more open to her. Woman wants that....trust me. Talk about the sex.....well, my husband and I had sex after having a big argument. He says that turned him on!!!!!

Answer 7

Sounds like you have taken a step with the talking toward your marriage. I would seek every avenue to make sure this is what she wants and want you want. Counseling is an option if you both are willing to work on the issues in the marriage. It has to be 100% and 100% from both parties for any marriage to work. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 8

Put the divorce plans on the side for now. If you can have that magic again that's all she ever wanted. (Plus, if you can keep a woman happy like that, she'll always come back to you. Remember how you felt when you had a good long talk with her. If you can keep coming back to her like that you become irresistible to her).

Work it out and take your relationship to the next level!

Answer 9

Since you haven't had long talks with your wife for a while, maybe that is what needed to get your relationship going again. Over time, she may feel neglected and ignored. Spend more time with her and don't boil over too much. If you have problems, talk and compromise. If your wife doesn't feel loved, then she will leave. Give her what she wants, your full attention.

Answer 10

friends have sex. you seem to understand that that is not the fix for your situation. for the moment things may appear be on the upswing, but given your moods and inability to communicate, the same feeling will return and you both will be back to square one. divorce. go your own ways and you might consider getting some help. unless you like the way you are. you can't be all that bad, she did marry you.