I have been in a relatioship for about 5 years. We broke up for a few months then got back together. We have one child. I am about to turn 20. I want another kid in the future and I want to get married but he doesn't. I have done somethings to lose his trust. But I have been doing everything that I can to regain some sense of trust from him. My brother go married a few months ago and it made me realize that I want to get married some day. I am not talking about like 2 years I am thinking more around 3-4 years I want to get married. My boyfriend said her would never marry me. I feel like I am trapped because I am never going to have that marriage or another child. I think that he proposed to me it would show how much he really wants to be with me. I wouldn't get married right away but I just think that if he just showed some other form of commitment to me that I would feel more at ease with the relationship. Do you think that this is wrong to think?
2007-02-12 19:22:24 · 18 answers · asked by wishbear3687 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It is totally natural and normal for you to think this way. Do you know why your boyfriend said he would never marry you? Is it because of him having lost trust in you? Or is it because he is hoping to find another girl (but in the meantime sticking with you)? Or is it because he is not ready for commitment and his answer was just a retaliation to your pressuring? Does he love you? I ask all these questions because they are important in deciphering what's best for you and whether your boyfriend could be someone who will change his mind a couple of years later about marrying you.
2007-02-12 20:03:11 · answer #1 · answered by Lilliana 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, you're 20 years old, you've been in this relationship since you were 15 and you have a child together... before you even think about getting married to him ask yourself "why am I in this relationship?" Is it because of your kid? Or the fact that you've been together since you were 15? Just make sure you aren't staying together because that's all you know, or because you don't want to throw away something you've put so much time into. If you stay together because you truely care about each other then odds are 2-3 years down the road he might change his mind and decide to get married.
Most importantly, you're 20 years old and it doesn't seem like he's much older; both of you of a lot of time to think about this. If he keeps telling you that he'll never marry you but you continue to feel this way, then ditch him. There are plenty other guys ready to commit.
2007-02-13 03:45:08 · answer #2 · answered by Mystery_Woman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes you are wrong. You are in love with the fantasy. You will end up in divorce court because you are already saying you feel trapped! You have a child and its time to grow up and be responsible as a mother and teach your child important things, not how to end up divorced. How clearer can he make it for you? He doesn't want to marry you. Don't try to trap him. Perhaps you should look at the reason why he doesn't trust you anymore cause sounds to me like he cant move on from it. Trust cant be earned in a week........what did you do? If it was an affair etc then you definately should look at your own part in the breakdown of the relationship and consider why you did it in the first place.
2007-02-13 04:30:36 · answer #3 · answered by kelstar 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How you feel is how you feel, just because you don't agree doesn't mean either of you is right or wrong. Some people want marriage and kids and the picket fence, others would run screaming into the night at the thought of all that.
One thing with your situation, if he does not ever intend to commit because of what you did to lose his trust then you have no chance of ever making it, married or not. If he refuses to marry you because of it then he refuses to forgive you or even try to get past it.
So it seems to me that whether he refuses to commit further because of your failings or because he isn't about marriage and more kids then it's pretty much doomed and it's time to stop wasting YOUR time and move on to someone more mature. Or someone who wants the same things you want. You can't force him to change his life goals for you, and if you see they are very different than yours, then stop throwing more years away on this unyeilding man.
Good luck to you, I hope you make a choice that will lead you to happiness. Find someone who can make you happy and love your child and who wants to add to your family. Someone more compatible w you.
2007-02-13 03:45:49 · answer #4 · answered by Polly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are already living with him and have a child with him..so what is the fuss for a paper that says you are married..if he ever wants to leave you married or not married he will... a paper is not a warranty of happiness..so stop bothering him with the marriage thing.. has no meaning.. it wont give you peace of mind.. just work on your relationship... and make him happy.. you are still a baby.... you have plenty of time to have another baby..take care of your man... you cant plan a marriage..you need 2 to tango..
2007-02-13 05:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by pains1956 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, your guy has to believe in you, have faith in you and be open to the things you do positively to regain his trust. that takes time.
be a good mother, a good person and a loving woman to him without him using the past against you to treat you poorly. If it would make you feel better to be proposed to...I dont know. It would be better if he said you and I will do this this and this goal and get married after these things are acheived. working together and knowing that you are both accomplishing goals to reach your dreams. why dont you two make a list of small and big goals. A sincere proposal from him would make you feel good and inspired... tell him that...why wouldnt he want you to feel good? peace
2007-02-13 03:35:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he says he doesn't want to marry you then why waste your time, move on. I lived with a lady for a year at the end of the year she said either we get married or move out...... we got married. If you love someone you will marry them. If your just using them till something or someone better comes along then ya just live with them.... DON'T HAVE ANY MORE KIDS WITH HIM IT WON'T MATTER HE WON'T CHANGE HIS MIND.
2007-02-13 03:31:17 · answer #7 · answered by S h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't force someone to get married. Pressuring someone about it just drives a wedge further between you and him. Drop the subject about marriage for a bit. But you need to get an answer from him...yes or no. If he isn't going to EVER marry you, don't waste your time with him.
2007-02-13 03:28:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
this is all part and parcel of life. you were young, you made mistakes, and somehow you will have to live with that. it is not wrong to think as you do, everyone wants a future, a happy one, it only varies between other people what makes them happy. you have done something to lose his trust, and you regret it, and have been trying your best to reagin back that trust. as we can say, we can do our best, but in the end, the decision making is not our's to make! the ball is in his court now, he has to make the decision, and you would have to decide whether to continue on with this relationship
2007-02-13 03:33:55 · answer #9 · answered by glastnot 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go.Find yourself another man to love>He is not Interested in marriage.If you push him or give him an ultimatuim he will later resent you,the marriage and the family yo have made.
Some form of committment from someone who doesnt want to committ is worthless.It will only give you a false sense of hope...
LET HIM GO
2007-02-13 03:29:48 · answer #10 · answered by prettycoolchick38 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋