Understanding transgendered lesbians better...help??

Question

My best friend is a transgendered (always wanted to be a guy) lesbian. I know she binds her breasts with body suits etc, and she also tries to appear male. I want to better understand what she's going through, but it's difficult when I myself am a lesbian and dislike male anatomy, so why would she wish to have a penis if she's not attracted to them herself...if that makes any sense? Do transgendered lesbians have issues with recieving oral? Do they only want the male role in sexual situations? Thanks.

Answer 1

Perhaps because she identifies as a straight male but is stuck in the body of a woman does she appear to be lesbian.

Answer 2

Not all transgendered/transsexual people have the same situation or feelings, but I, like your friend, was born female, but identify as being male. For me, I am attracted to guys and consider myself a gay guy, just because I'm not a girl. I really don't care about my anatomy, or anyone else's, really, and I think alot of transpeople feel the same in that while they wish that they have the anatomy of a man/woman, it is mostly just because they know they are supposed to physically be that way, and because people in 'normal' society treat you like a woman if you have a vagina and like a man if you have a penis. So my guess is, your friend honestly doesn't care whether s/he has a penis or not, but just feels male. Most transsexuals born female who identify as male never get sex reassignment surgery. We don't care about having a penis. That's not what being a man is about. Chances are if your friend feels male s/he just doesn't want to be a woman in a relationship with another woman, but wants to be a man in a relationship with a woman. You might feel angry or betrayed about this sometimes, or feel that it is difficult to understand, but just understand that your friend isn't any different than s/he has ever been; this is who s/he has always been, really, and I'm sure s/he wouldn't mean to offend you in any way by this. Just hang in there. Your friend is still your friend, regardless of gender.

Answer 3

Gender and sexuality are different. That's the first piece to understand. Your attraction to women doesn't really have much to do with the fact that you are a woman- the combination of both gives you your lesbian identity, but they're two totally separate constructs. Once you can grasp that part, the rest is easier to understand. Some transmen have issues with receiving oral, some do not, it really depends on the person. Many do, though. Transmen want a male role in all parts of their life, not just in bed.

I hope this helps somewhat!

Answer 4

I'm going to be honest: I'm always confused by people who identify as male, but still identify as lesbians. I can understand pretty well either one, but it seems like if a male is attracted to women, he wouldn't be a lesbian. I think it's fair to ask him (has the person in question specified which pronouns are preferred?) about that, and how that all fits together. If you're good friends...he'll probably be open to questions, and will let you know if something is indeed too personal. As for wanting a penis while not being attracted to them, I think it's important to recognize that sexual orientation has NOTHING to do with gender identity. Trans people are gay, straight, bi, pan, and asexual; there's no connection there.

Answer 5

sounds like she is more than transgendered, she is a true transsexual. she identifies as a male, and she feel uncomfortable with the idea of sex in the female role. she's not technically a lesbian, she identifies herself as a man trapped in a female body who is attracted to women.. she probably feels uncomfortable in sexual situations because she does not have the genitilia that she feels she needs.

sexuality and sexual orientation are two different things.. straight men do have a penis yet they are not attracted to others who have a penis.

in my case, i am a biological male who identifies as a woman. i am bisexual but lean towards the lesbian side. i have tried to have sex as a man but i just felt so uncomfortable that i could never do it. i don't want to stick my penis anywhere because i don't feel i should have it.

the idea of being a true woman and having lesbian sex with other women is what all of my fantacies are about.. i love giving oral sex to women and i love touching and fingering them.. but i've never felt comfortable letting anyone touch my penis because it just doesn't feel right.

your friend probably would feel uncomfortable receiving oral sex and won't likely achieve orgasm because, like me, she feels trapped in the wrong body and won't be in a relaxed, comfortable frame of mind.

feeling trapped in the wrong sex is not fun. it's not just about sexual activity, but it is every day life.. it's about social situations, it's about trying to fit into the world in a work environment.. it's very challenging. i always feel like an outsider, a loner.

but the entire transition process is very costly and time consuming.. but in my case, at least i have something to live for. something to shoot for.. my goal is to save up enough money so that i can go thru the entire process.. visits to a gender therapist, female hormones, laser hair removal surgery, and ultimately, sexual reassignment surgury..

take care of your friend and love her and try to be understanding, and don't be afraid to ask her questions. i'm sure she will open up to you and try to explain everything she is going thru.

all the best
Jeff

Answer 6

You need to ask your friend, since there is no monolith of transgender.

Some transguys and stones don't like recieving oral or manual sex, some do. Some may be okay with external stimulation but not penetration. Some like everything.

I understand why you are having issues with this, but ultimately, it's hir choice and hir body. If you can't talk to your friend, there are books and documentaries out there you can check out.

Answer 7

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