Am I a Horrible Person?

Question

Here is my deal, I have been trying to get pregnant for over 4 yrs. now, and have not been succesful. My brother and his wife tryed for 1 month and got pregnant. I am happy for them, but on the inside I'm mad as hell. How do I get over this feeling? I can't keep doing this, it's like a huge fight inside of me. On the outside I want everyone to believe I'm excited,and happy, but on the inside I'm sad, frustrated, angry, emotionally drained, and ashamed?
Please if anyone has been through any thing like this, I could use some advise.

Answer 1

Oh honey, you are totally normal. I have long depressing crying fits whenever I find out someone is pregnant and I am not. I totally understand your feelings. Luckily, my sister in law also struggles with infertility(OK that came out like a bad thing to say, I don't mean it like it sounds) but it is really nice to have someone to talk to about it who actually understands what you are going through. We can say things to each other like "If you get pregnant, I'll be happy for you, but I will hate you a little bit" Unfortunately, I haven't found a great way to deal with the emotional conflict. I tend to call women dirty names and deem them unworthy to have children in my head only. If you want a great book, grab "The Conception Chronicles". I got it at Target. I found it totally true to my feelings (which validates it as normal when you feel like you are going psycho) and it has great summaries of what you go through medically with all the testing.
My best suggestion is find someone who knows what you are going through and can sympathize.There are many forums where women talk about everything they go through in the struggle to conceive. If you want, you can email me. You can talk all of the "poop" you want and vent whatever feelings you have (like how you want to punch people in the face when they say "Your next!!" or "Just relax and it will happen" or "Its God's time" That one really gets me, God wants 15 year old crack addicts to have babies but not me? OK maybe its just me imaginary punching these ignoramuses). I won't judge. It can be hard to talk to people about it who haven't gone through it.The great thing about Internet support is that its totally anonymous so you can say whatever you want. I know you will be a great aunt to your new niece or nephew. You're not horrible, just normal. Best of luck :)

Answer 2

You need to own those feelings and find a trusted friend you can discuss them with or perhaps a counselor. You are feeling grief at what you perceive to be a loss. Indeed it is a loss and you have a right to feel the way you do. Have you sought medical advice? I feel certain you already know about tests purchased at pharmacies to predict ovulation. Frankly, I just did it the old fashion way with the thermometer. When you wake with an elevated temp, that is the day to try and a few days afterward. It's been a while for me, so I don't remember exactly how many days you are fertile. I empathize with you and hope the very best for you.

Answer 3

My mother went through this too. She tried for years to have a child. Her brother already had a little girl, all her friends were pregnant, and since she was little, she always wanted to have a child. (she also wanted to adopt a girl). She tried 3 times with invitro. The third one made it to 4 months, and miscarried. She had to see a therapist for 8 months to recover. Turned out she had cysts on her ovaries. She ended up getting a hysterectomy. Then a few years later, a woman was pregnant with a little girl, and needed to give her up for adoption. My dad worked with her attorney, and here I am today.
What you're feeling is normal. You just want to have a baby. You're own child. After what my mom went through, I don't blame you for feeling sad, frustrated, and overwhelmed. You can still have a child. You can try invitro, like my mom. Or you can adopt a baby. I don't think my mom sees any difference if she'd passed me through her own canal. I'm her only daughter. And it's a wonderful bond, whethor blood related or not.
I hope you are lucky with your family planning, and that you're blessed with a beautiful child. It'll happen. Even if it's not quite how you expected.
As for dealing with this. Perhaps you should do what my mom did, and see a therapist. They can help you deal, and cope with this. Also talk to your husband, family planning is something you're working on together, so perhaps he can support you.
Good Luck to you

Answer 4

Aww, no you absolutely are not a horrible person. In fact, what you are feeling is pretty normal after all the frustration you've been through. It's like grieving in a way. You just have to realize that it's ok to feel the way you do. Yes you love your brother and you're happy for him and at the same time you are sad within and frustrated. It's ok and normal to feel that way! Keep trying and then enjoy your new niece or nephew when he or she arrives. And yes, life isn't always fair. Hugs

Answer 5

No your not, your human and honest with yourself,
something that might help you is getting invovled with the prep for their babe, I know it hurts that it's not you having the baby, but things always happen for a reason, have you already considered other options? I'm sure you have wisdom the new mom would really benifit from, keep an open heart and let go of the negative, cause you really can't be mad at them, they tried just like you are. Good luck

Answer 6

No ,you are not.I went trough the same thing.I will never forget how bad it was.It got to a point,that i didn't let my husband to look or touch another kid.That wasn't good enough for me.One day i packed his stuff and asked him to leave.Poor thing started crying.God i was bitter.But don't give up.I have two beautiful,healthy children.And you will too.I mean it.Hope is half of the success.If you want,you can e-mail me at [e-mail] and we'll talk about it.Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Well, that's normal to feel that way. It's ok to get angry inside, just don't hurt anybody else. I don't know If you're horrible person, because I don't know anything about you. But to feel angry, sad, frastrated is normal. Maybe you should see the doctor and ask what's happening to you.

Answer 8

Feeling bad or guilty are not the traits of a "bad" person but rather a "good" person.. "Bad" or "horrible" people never feel ashamed, and never regret anything bad they do..! At least I think so!

Don't feel bad, and don't lose hope.. A better day will come.. Just be patient..

Answer 9

You seem jap, and characteristic a swatsika on your call Ahh, you comprehend in WW2 Nazi-Germany and Japan by no potential coordinated any militia or political manuevers throughout the warfare. They have been purely linked with one yet another, no longer a genuine militia alliance. They the two considered one yet another inferior additionally.. So, why do you have a swatsika after your jap call?