Am I a horrible person?

Question

Here is my deal, I have been trying to get pregnant for over 4 yrs. now, and have not been succesful. My brother and his wife tryed for 1 month and got pregnant. I am happy for them, but on the inside I'm mad as hell. How do I get over this feeling? I can't keep doing this, it's like a huge fight inside of me. On the outside I want everyone to believe I'm excited,and happy, but on the inside I'm sad, frustrated, angry, emotionally drained, and ashamed?
Please if anyone has been through any thing like this, I could use some advise.

First I want to Thank everyone who answers my question. I really do appreciate the feedback. It helps to read what other people have been through or are going through. I helps to know I'm not the only one, which may sound rude and I'm sorry if it does, but it is true.

I have been to doctors and have done different types of drugs. I have had only 5 periods in 4yrs.

I know for sure it is me and not my husband.

Again, Thank-You to Everyone!!

Answer 1

That does NOT make you a bad person at all.

First of do not fake anything . By now you have congradulated them.
As you said you are happy for them. Now it is time to own up to your feelings.

I would write a few letters...you may or may not want to send them, But it will help get your feeling out.

Maybe take a walk and head to the park where no one is and scream it is not right. I want to be pregnant.

Talk to your mother or father or an other fam member when you two are alone and let it out.

Keep true to yourself hun.

Answer 2

I think what you're experiencing is perfectly normal and justified given your situation, and frankly I'm surprised that your brother and his wife would be so... thoughtless (for want of a better word) about flaunting their pregnancy when they surely know how much trouble you've been having falling pregnant, and how much you want a baby. I think it would be a good idea to perhaps speak to a middle party about your feelings (say a parent or close friend of the family) so they can then let your brother and sister in law know - they may be so wrapped up in the idea of having a baby that it hasn't even occurred to them how you might feel - whatever you decide to do, you should reiterate how happy you are for them, but that that it also makes you sad that you don't know the same joy they are experiencing.
As for your troubles falling pregnant, did you know there is only a 24 hour period when your egg is viable for fertilisation?! The best thing to do would be to monitor your temperature and vaginal mucus over the next couple of months to gage when you ovulate (the temperature and mucus levels go up when you're ovulating, and stay high if you're pregnant) then have sex like crazy for the next week or so. Also, I've read that if you climax at the same time as your partner, the contractions caused by orgasm help the sperm move higher, faster.
Also, you may not have considered it, but there has been astounding success with women who take Chinese herbs and remedies to help them fall pregnant...perhaps that's something else you could look into....

Good luck and all the best to you.
P.s. You are most definately not a horrible person

Answer 3

No, you aren't a horrible person. You are a person. A human person. With thoughts and feelings, the same as anyone else. What you are going through is perfectly normal.

There is no quick fix for "getting over" these emotions. It's going to take time, but knowing that you want to be happy for them is a good start. I'd advise talking to a counselor. It may sound stupid, but they can provide a lot of assistance and a listening ear for you to vent these frustrations. It is important that you don't keep them bottled up inside, because eventually they will spill over and people will get hurt.

If you have been trying for four years, you may want to consider seeing a specialist and/or other options. There are many children out there who need a mother. How perfect that you want a child?

Answer 4

It took me 4 years to fall pregnant (including 3 years on various fertility treatments). I remember feeling that way a few times and felt bad too. My only advice is to focus on those things in your life that you enjoy that you will not be able to do when you do finally fall pregnant. Go out, be spontaneous, travel etc as you will not be able to do these things later on.

I am now 38 weeks pregnant (it happened naturally in the end) and i think to myself now that i had 4 years of being selfish and doing what i want when i want (that is all about to come to an end).

I hope you are seeing a specialist given that you have been trying for 4 years - dont give up hope and dont feel too guilty about your feelings - it is frustrating when you try to do something that should be the most natural thing in the world and it takes so long for you and then others just have to think about having a baby and bam there it is.

Good luck

Answer 5

I don't think you're a horrible person.I think after trying and not succeeding,you can become very frustrated but overall your feelings are normal.When I found out I was pregnant,I was so excited and then a month later one of my in-laws became pregnant and one more month after that,and then it was like a down pour on my parade,instead of being the center of attention I now had to share the spot light with two other people and it made me mad I felt like they were stealing all of my glory.And while our situations are different I experienced the same feelings as you.But my advice to you is just to be patient,everything happens for a reason.Don't worry you'll have you're chance to shine and then you'll laugh at the way you've been feeling later!!!!

Answer 6

i have a feeling my sister is going threw the same thing! and the reason why is because im 3 years younger then her married and with a baby on the way!and shes not married nor has a baby on the way... i think its a normal feeling of jealousy! and its ok! but i think if you have been tryin for 4 years! then you and your partner should go to a doctor to see what its wrong! b/c 4 years is a long time to be trying! i hope this helps! good luck and i wish you the best!

Answer 7

It's perfectly normal to feel angry. You have been trying so hard for so long and someone else barely tries at all and succeeds. I would be mad as hell too. Just explain to them how you feel. Let them know that you are happy for them but you are upset also. They should understand and if they don't, they have some issues they need to work through to not understand your reasons for feeling this way.

Answer 8

I have and am going through the same thing i have been trying for three years and nothing my husband has two bothers one has two kids 4 and 1 the other has one who is 7 months. I love there kids but wish for my own everyday.

Answer 9

hello,
no, you're not a horrible person. quite natural the way you are feeling, because you want the same for you to happen. it's perfectly understandable. try to stay focused on you though, not what others have. your ob/gyn should be able to help you to determine the time of the month that's best for you to try and become pregnant. I wish you the best of luck!

Answer 10

Oh man that all...no your not horrible...how about when i had my miscarriage i wished it on every pregnant woman i saw bc i was so upset....its def normal.....just keep faking the happiness and keep trying....and think about this atleast you will have a new neice or nephew coming into the world