My husband of 7 yrs just found out he has a 3 yr old....?

Question

I've been marriade for 7 yrs to a wonderful man. 4 yrs ago we seperated & discussed divorce. After months of months of counseling we decided to give it one more go. Last month we were both informed that durring the time we were seperated he father a child. It was hard to forgive him but I did & here is our problem.. The mother of the child wants to give up her parental rights which puts him in a position to either take in the child or give her to the state. We have 2 kids of our own & 1 more would not add any hardship however it would be HELL looking at her every morning. What to do??

Answer 1

Well, since you have forgiven your husband, you could try to forgive the child. It sure didn't ask to be here. It might be hard for a while, but I'm sure you would come to love the child. Please consider taking it in. You and your Husband are all the family it will have. Be sure to make it legal that the Mother can never see the child again.

Answer 2

All of that happen when the two of you were separated-this child had nothing to do with anything you can love her just as much as you love your own two kids-you said that you forgave your husband-now there is a child that need a home and two loving parents-if you can do that than you are a good woman-if not that you should not take on another child-remember she is his child and now she can be your child and she is only a 3 yr old baby that can bring so much joy into your home and she is the sister to your two kids-she is only 3 yrs old and looking for someone to love,hug,kiss,and care give her something she is not getting and no it would not be HELL looking at her every morning-you have enough love to give this child-she is 3 yrs old with a mother that don't want her and now you don't want her either-rethink your decision and give this child a home and she will give you all of the love her little heart can give and she will remember you all the rest of her life-God made a way for you to take care of two and he will make a way for you and your husband to take care of three-you have enough love to give another child-just remember that this child had nothing to do with what-if you love your husband you can love this child and she don't need forgiveness for anything-all she need is love and care and waking up with her can be a joy think about if the state get her what will happen to her you don't know (anything and eerything) then you would wish that you had taken her

Answer 3

I am kind of at on the other side - I did not sleep with a married man, I became pregnant at the end of a relationship, the father freaked out (after talking about having kids with me, how we would raise them...) and ran off not telling anyone about it. My boy is 9 has grandparents, two aunts and three cousins in the same city who do not know he's here. Oh, and the father has moved back into town with a wife of seven years and she does not know about it either. My boy is not something to be hidden or ashamed of, and he should never have to feel that way about himself but he knows the situation, so he does. I'm thankful for him everyday.
I ache that my son cannot know his own family, and he looks just like his father! I also believe that they are missing out on the most special child, he's amazing. If his father and step-mother met him they would fall in love with him, and he would embrace them right back.
Just thought this might give another perspective.

Answer 4

Realize the child is innocent-
she didn't ask to be brought
into this world-
and yet here she is.
The saddest part is her
own mother doesn't even
seem to want her,
and how will your husband
feel knowing that this
little one of his is out
there somewhere
being raisd by foster parents?
it's bad enough she is being rejected
by her own mother without her father
turning his back on her as well.

Although it's a lot to ask of any woman-
You will score high aces in
your husband's book in the long run,
if you can somehow find it in your heart
to get past your feelings of bitterness-
and learn to accept and love this child as well.

Little girls very often resemble
their fathers-
So, look for your husband in her-
NOT her mother.

If you are willing to give this a chance-
you may grow to love this little girl very much.

I wish you the very best of luck
with this very difficult and sensitive issue.

Answer 5

First of all do not hold that little girl accountable for how you feel. If you forgave your husband like you say you did then you can accept the child. But there is nothing worse than being unwanted and unloved, let the child go into the world of a foster environment (and run the risk of her being abused sexually, physically and emotionally) because you are currently deceiving your husband by letting him think you are willing to move forward in the marriage and you will expose her to having the same feeling of being unloved and unwanted as well. I feel sorry for the little girl. If you really have these negative feelings toward your husband's affair and its consequence then you need to tell him, so that he can raise his child in a loving environment and continue to care for his kids with you ...separately. I am also sure of two things, once you tell him how you really feel, that he is not going to turn his back on that child, you wouldn't want him to turn his back on your two. Secondly, you will be this bitter vengeful woman who will try to make his life miserable for making such a choice for being a man to take care of ALL of his children by trying to break him down financially. Be a woman and tell him how you truly feel.

Answer 6

wow, i really don't give 2 cents for your feelings and how hard it would be on you to look at her, my thoughts are on this little innocent child who never asked for anything other than a parents love, and now her own mother does not want her and now maybe even her own father may not want her because his wife which could be a potential mom to her does not want her because she may feel hurt by it

first of all, your hubby is a real genius, he should be castrated and then lobotomized so that scientists can figure out how he came up with such an ingenious idea to go around and screw people without using a rubber while still married, real rocket scientists there

second of all, i really don't know what to say to you, i can at least understand where you are coming from, you would be constantly reminded that he was with someone else during the time that you two seperated and stuff, it is a hard thing to deal with, and a hard pill to swallow

so yea, to sum it all up, your husband should be castrated and lobotomized, i don't give a rats azz about your feelings because they are irelevant in this situation, my heart goes out to this little child who is going to come to the realization that her PARENTS don't want her for whatever selfish reasons they have, she may go up for adoption not because her family died, but because they don't love her, hell, grownups have problems dealing with unrequited love, i can't figure out what a 3 year old will do

have you considered giving her to her maternal grandmother or family members even?

Answer 7

The best thing for the child would be to give her to the state for adoption by a family that really wants her. You will always resent this child and she will feel that. The strain may also break up your marriage. Are you even certain this is your husbands child? Has DNA testing been done? Why didn't she seek child support the last 3 years? Maybe the tramp that gave birth to her is just trying to make trouble for you and your husband out of jealousy. I can't believe a member of her family wouldn't take in the child. I would not take in this child, no way!

Answer 8

For the sake of the child, take her in and love her as one of your own. She had nothing to do with her conception, and if you can forgive your husband, certainly you can give kindness to his child. Expect to have the child's mother in your life also, but you are going to have to deal with her as a step-mother to her child, and not as the home breaking other women. Again, don't blame the child for any of this. A stable home is the best thing for the child.

Answer 9

Are you crazy it not only hers it's his to which since you two are one it's yours too! It might be hard but girls and their dads are always close! That sucks that you're going to have a stepchild that only make you remember her but you said you forgave him and this child shouldn't have to feel rejected by her father because you don't know how to handle it right away! You have a marrage and now this is a part of it! You two were strong before you can do it again! Trust me I have a stepson and I hate his mom! I mean I really hate his mom but it has nothing to do with him! You just have to let it go and see the child for who she really is and that's your husband! You're lucky she just wants to sign over her rights! This ***** I have to deal with gave him to his dad a year and half ago and was just tring to get him back! She wants child support, tax money and school money she doesn't even want him! She put us in court several times and we lost several thousands of dollars then just two weeks ago she gave up! Trust me, it's hard but it is so worth it!

Answer 10

You and your Husband parted ways for sometime but made a commit to work it out. The mother of this child is a pieces of ****. The child had nothing to do with you and your husband splitting up. This CHILD need to loved and I think adding this Little girl your family would be wonderful. You say it would be HELL looking at her everyday, then how would you fell knowing that you pushed this child out in the cold. PLEASE THINK ABOUT THIS LITTLE GIRL who only need to be LOVED