26 years ago I was in a bad,deteriorating relationship.My family influenced me to renounce a friendship that I could have resolved myself if they had left me alone.Now that I am married,I cannot release this burden,these memories of happier times.
2007-02-12 16:36:47 · 13 answers · asked by ocean_sailing_ship 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
1-800- Ghost-Busters
2007-02-12 16:39:05 · answer #1 · answered by Hi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am assuming that you are speaking figuratively when you use the word "ghost". It happens a lot...
What I would say is that you owe your current partner your honest commitment, whether you decide to stay in the current marriage or decide to go after your "ghost".
I don't think you will have much success rekindling anything from the past to be honest but that is up to you. Either way, your wife NOW deserves your full commitment to her if you are with her at all...and you deserve to be happy too.
What I would do is write the "ghost" a letter, pour your heart out, explain everything, grant and ask for forgiveness to and from this person, and then say your goodbyes to give the relationship some closure for yourself.
Don't send the letter, this is for you to gather and process your thoughts about it so you can refocus. I would actually find some way to ceremonially destroy the letter. Light a candle and burn it, bury it, tear it up and burn it, whatever.
This would almost be an exercise in eulogizing and funeralizing the relationship with her.
Then do your best to throw yourself into your current marriage. It is worth it for both of you to at least try to commit to each other, without being haunted by the past.
If your current wife doesn't know about this past relationship, I can't tell you whether or not to tell her but I think this is better a private thing between you and your feelings. I would hope she trusts you enough to do this on your own. If you think it will explain anything or reassure her, or prove that you are committed to her, etc you can tell her about your burden. If you think it would just plant doubt for her or hurt her for no reason, then don't. It is completely not my place to say. Chances are, she has wondered off and on during your marriage if you were distracted by something or someone else.
2007-02-12 16:48:52 · answer #2 · answered by musicimprovedme 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this sounds overly simplified, but you are married now; you have to forget this past relationship and get on with your life. Trying to go back and "fix" situations like this never works. All that happens is you ruin the relationship you are in now, and you never end up with the one from the past or even fixing a friendship. Everyone talks about closure, it's not always needed. The past is the past, and the present is the present, and never the twain shall meet. Take my word on this, I have been on both sides of this situation. I have had 5 women who have broke off our relationship to go back to an old boyfriend. I am now with none of them, and they are not with the one they left me for. All of those relationships I was in were good ones, we treated each other well, and we were happy together. They had old unresolved feelings for these other guys and thought they could start back up where they left off. It does not work that way. Once time has passed, the person has changed and you have changed. Forget the past, and live in the present. Don't mess up what you have now. I'm sure you've heard the old expression- "A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush".
2007-02-12 17:00:28 · answer #3 · answered by vegasg8r89129 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This question had me thinking about a song by Diamond Rio called "I Believe". But, 26 years is too long to hold on to a mistake you or your family made. You're at a crossroad right now, and your two choices should be 1. Let it go and never look back 2. Make amends with your past but be true to the present. You're married after all, and that means alot more than a past relationship.
2007-02-12 16:46:38 · answer #4 · answered by koovaaa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It probably wasn't REALLY "better times" but it was 26 years ago! Who wouldn't want to be 26 years younger (i.e. "start over")?
Decide if you want to be married or not, then change. If you do, start new with what you've got, make the best out of what you have. If you don't want to be married, then get divorced.
Your "ghost" has likely moved on, especially since 26 years have gone by.
2007-02-12 16:39:34 · answer #5 · answered by LD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stand your feet in real world. you are not a dead man yet. face the facts and be a wise man. just.. thanks to those memories. those happier memories is just a past memories of what you should take as part of your learning process to build your maturity
2007-02-12 16:51:58 · answer #6 · answered by badlis 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find her and make amends
She may be feeling the same way
try yellowpages.com
2007-02-12 16:42:03 · answer #7 · answered by Dreamer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sleep. Never wake up. Grow self-confidence. You will need it when she comes
2007-02-12 16:41:23 · answer #8 · answered by Elder 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hear the ghost whisperer is on every tuesday on fox
2007-02-12 16:39:45 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is in your statement. You said it : "She is a ghost". (Your ghost). Therefore, only you can decide about her.
2007-02-12 17:03:07 · answer #10 · answered by Tom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋