Slowly falling. Light as it is graceful. The pure white feather, seemed to radiate all that is good. As it dropped below the sun, out of sight of the clouds, slowly downward. It moved some what majestically in the wind, being blown to and fro. The Earth once tiny blue, now massive, the ground creeping closer and closer.
Looking up towards the sky, with a hand held out. Just as it drifted down upon the Earth it landed with the same grace. Upon the palm, of the out stretched hand. The hand of a woman, who’s gaze never left the sky as she clenched the feather within her grasp. Warmth in her eyes swelled as she wiped a tear, and smiled. The screams had finally ended…
2007-02-12 15:53:44 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
I have to admit, no. Not because it is poorly written--actually your language is very poetic--but because the image has been used in so many movies that it has grown stale. You need to do something to make it new.
2007-02-12 16:07:28 · answer #1 · answered by nbsandiego 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Suprisingly, no.
It's a great passage, definitely, but its got a lot of "frillies" and "poofs" that don't have to be there.
sure, i like it when there's a lot of despriptive adjectives and stuff, but at times like these sometime it's okay to say:
She fell.
Seems strange, but I'm a journalism major...so what do i know, right?
au revoir. :-)
2007-02-13 00:17:13 · answer #2 · answered by Just Ryan! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's poetic like someone said, but the sentence fragments would drive me crazy.
2007-02-13 01:50:25 · answer #3 · answered by kittydoormat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What's happening to that woman? Finish the story so I can analyze it in my mind. Yea it kept me reading.
2007-02-13 00:02:52 · answer #4 · answered by ♥c0c0puffz♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it keeps me reading to find out what is going on. Great beginning.
2007-02-13 01:06:22 · answer #5 · answered by tina y 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Probably not, I have to be intrigued really quickly.
2007-02-13 00:05:12 · answer #6 · answered by Cajun_ Creater 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yep.
2007-02-13 00:29:45 · answer #7 · answered by Rose S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow i love that it is very touching i would want to read more really good
2007-02-13 00:24:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes! of course! well done!
2007-02-12 23:57:49 · answer #9 · answered by wise 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sry, not my type...looks like sum kinda philosophy
;)
2007-02-13 00:05:55 · answer #10 · answered by The_One 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋