I worte the 1st verse and chorus to a rock song, and I would like some opinions!!! Please offer any critisim you think is nessasary...and I know I can't spell to match my vocabulary...
1st verse:
She walked into my life
Gave me a start
Thought she was fine
Let her take my heart
She wanted to take me
So I gave to her all
But when she shoved me away
No one broke my fall
Chorus:
She's an eater of men
And a Breaker of hearts
Got it worked down
To a fine black art
2007-02-12 15:47:32 · 13 answers · asked by bass_god_09 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Music
I love it they sound like the song could be really good. I am a lover of lyrics and I really like them if you ever finish the song plz email me with the final lyrics@ rel2009@yahoo.com Although in between And a breaker of hearts and got it worked down, somethings missing maybe with music it would sound better but let me know how it all goes plz!!!!
2007-02-12 15:52:30 · answer #1 · answered by Ummm 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you struggle to rhyme at all cost - this "gave me a start" line really hurts, as does this "soo I gave to her all." It reminds me of the '80s "She's a Man Eater," I think Hall & Oates and the '90s Phil Collins "She's an Easy Lover."
2007-02-12 15:53:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
G to be honest with ya they too simple, they might sound cool with the song, but just as lyrics they weak, expand the vocab use other words, stronger words with more meaning
2007-02-12 15:54:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sure, it is approximately the evil of guy. except, i enormously doubt that the satan had whatever to do with the loss of life of jesus, the one hundred years warfare, the russian revolution, the blitzkrieg in global warfare two, both kennedy assassinations, or the individuals killed at the hippie path. so it need to all had been guy's doing. it is a cool historical past lesson even though.
2016-09-05 07:38:14 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your lines are really fantastic, i think your fallen in such a things thats why you are wrote like a superb lines.........
Really i admire of these lines....
Chorus are also related to these lyrics....
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2007-02-12 16:04:21 · answer #5 · answered by Catherine W 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I like the lyrics a lot. I wish I could hear the music.
2007-02-12 15:51:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would only change one line
instead of so i gave her all I would go "so I gave her my all"
otherwise I would think the simplicity of the words makes it great.
2007-02-12 16:00:04 · answer #7 · answered by George G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What tempo are You thinking about using?
2007-02-12 15:54:37 · answer #8 · answered by Ashleigh 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really good! I don't like the chorus all that much...but it's really good!
♥,
{≈Lauren≈}™
2007-02-12 15:57:46 · answer #9 · answered by ≈[Łąūřėņ]≈™ 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yeah, they're cool
2007-02-12 15:50:36 · answer #10 · answered by Death Virus 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋