ok i know i'm gonna get the holier than thou types, but save it. I've heard it all before. here's the situation...i've been engaged for over a year which is fine. i don't want to get married. i'm cheating on him with a married soon to be divorced co-worker (of course, how typical). i'm not in love with my fiance any more. not b/c of the other guy. i'm just over him. do i tell him before or after i get an apt of my own that it's over? i don't want to leave him high and dry, but i really don't see this going to much farther. he just doesn't satisfy me sexually anymore. anyone else been here?
2007-02-12 15:21:46 · 36 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Tell him now...
2007-02-12 17:45:01 · answer #1 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
except for the cheating part. I am not holier than thou so don't even go there. I was engaged to a man up to two months before we were to wed. For some reason I just couldn't do it. I did a complete turn around and told him we couldn't get married. I felt it would be a huge mistake. I told him I would find a place to live and I would move out. I did. He was devastated by my decision. It was an unloving situation on my part. I didn't love him. I lost a lot of money on this wedding, but I am so glad I didn't go through with it. Its better to figure it out now than have to pay for a wedding then a divorce. Good luck.
2007-02-12 15:30:05 · answer #2 · answered by zsaffireblue2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you are doing is wrong and do you think that he deserve that you should be honest with him if you are not in love with him anymore that it is best to tell him that and stop keep making excuses for what you are doing it is not fair to him and you know that-you should tell him and you should have had your own apt when you started this affair-you don't want to leave him high and dry but it is OK to cheat on him and go home to him every night-don't do that to him it is not right and you know that-if sex was the only thing that kept you in the relationship than there was no love to begin with-sex is not love it is a part of a relationship not all-it is best for you to tell him that it is over and go your separate ways because it will hurt him anyway but it is better to come from you than for him to find out on his own
2007-02-12 17:44:33 · answer #3 · answered by brown sugar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would get an apartment first, so that you can make a clean break. It's sounds a little on the tough side, but dragging things out is ultimately harder on everyone. A lot of people wouldn't agree, but I would suggest that you don't bring up the cheating thing if you don't have to, as it will only hurt him more. However, it's best to end this as soon as you can, so get moving on the apartment hunt. It's good to move on when you know you aren't going to be able to make a relationship work, and to avoid a marriage that would only fail. But, speaking from experience here, don't set your heart on this new guy of yours. There's a reason they say "once a cheater, always a cheater", you're likely to get your heart broken here.
2007-02-12 15:30:51 · answer #4 · answered by KyLeth 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What you should do is get your own apartment. Plan your move ahead of time. Then sit him down and just tell him you're not ready for marriage and that you need to be alone. You may want to tell him you've changed and your feelings about him and the relationship have changed.
Give him the ring back. Move out promptly. You do not need to tell him you planned ahead of time, just move out over the course of a day or two. Actually it may be easier to move out while he is at work (again this is after you two have talked). This way you won't crush him.
IF you truly do not love him and never intend on having a future with him, keep your cheating to yourself. Don't hurt him unnecessarily.
2007-02-12 15:36:20 · answer #5 · answered by You Don't Know Me! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through the EXACT same situation, except we were just boyfriend/girlfriend. We had been dating for about 3 years and I just happened to meet this guy who had a live-in girlfriend. We started talking and hitting it off (i even cheated on my boyfriend with this guy), and I told my boyfriend that I didnt' want to be with him anymore. He took it really hard, and eventually found out that I liked another guy. There is no soft way to tell someone that its over, but if you are cheating on him, you need to do it soon before it's too late and you have already made a commitment that you can't, or don't want to, keep.
2007-02-12 17:11:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really is not much you can do but just tell him you are leaving when you decide what to do. You will have to leave him like that, there really is no other way. You could try to set him up with a new girlfriend but I'm not sure in your situation how well that might work. I think he probably deserves you to tell him the truth at least and give him a chance to talk to you so he's not just left there broken.
2007-02-12 15:32:03 · answer #7 · answered by Wendy C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, And I thought that us fellas have just sex in our mids when it comesto relationships. I personally can wait for sex. seriously, you're breaking up with your fiance due to the lack of your satisfaction? That's low don't you think? Well, one must respect your needs in a man. Sex isn't everything, ok? Love conquers all, but in your case it doesn't. Hey, you gotta do what you gotta do. Conrfromt your fiance about it. If you had the courage to cheat on him, I'm sure you'll have the couraqge to break it down to him too, right? Don't wait until you move to your new place. You tell him asap. You don't want to keep on hurting him any longer. I think what you did already is enough. Do the right thing. Good Luck!
2007-02-12 15:31:39 · answer #8 · answered by Drivliam 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my opinion, can you get your own place quickly or is this something that's going to drag on?
If you can get a place in the very near future than wait, but don't even drag this on for another month. Also are you still sleeping with him? If so then you do need to tell him now b/c you are not being fair to him, he trusts you with his body and yet you could potentially be exposing him to STD's. And no I'm not calling you dirty or anything like that, but everyone has a right to know whether or not the person they are having sexual contact with is having sexual contact with anyone else.
2007-02-12 15:36:51 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you need to know something about a guy soon out of a marriage... The "bridge" into singleness is never the one he will end up with so if that is you, sorry.
Secondly, no problem with getting over your boyfriend.... we all fall out of love...
Suggestion since you asked? dump them both and find a guy who is emotionally available.... if you are looking for a relationship.......the soon-to-be-divorced guy ain't it. But, you may have a good time for a while. If you are in no rush, to marry, and be a wife, fine.
2007-02-12 15:28:10 · answer #10 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow! How hurtfull. I think you need to tell him ASAP! Actually you don't sound like you are ready for marriage to begin with. Take a step back, and look long and hard at what you are doing. What a mess. He probably knows anyway. Give him the ring back too. You messed up so why should he be out of the money the ring cost?
2007-02-12 15:29:06 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋