How do i leave a 22 year marriage, without losing out financially?

Question

How do i get out of a 22 year marriage without losing out financially, my husband is self centered tight and is a bitter person about life in general. Please help me i dont love him anymore and forget marriage couseling he is to tight to pay for it.

I forgot to put in the part, if i needed any money from this man i had to pay him back no matter what even if it was $1.00 thats how bad it is. just a little more info here

Answer 1

1. call the local bar association referral program if you do not know the best family law lawyer in town. hire him/her, immediately. (if you are in chicago, i can tell you who is best, and nice on top of it--just write to me).

2. did you work outside of the home? income tax returns will show that you contributed to the finances in the home, and it won't matter that his pay was higher than yours. you worked. that's what counts.

3. did you work inside of the home, cooking and cleaning for him, arranging all social and familial agenda, raising his children/step children? did you adopt a child? a judge will see what you did in the home as work, even though it wasn't paid. if not for what women did, men would be social brutes.

4. most important of all: i think we should all act like the vidal sassoons (of hair product and salon fame and money). when they divorced, there were millions and millions to divvy up. they didn't want the lawyers to get their hands into it. so they themselves each wrote up a settlement agreement. they looked over that of the other, met, and then decided what would be fair. they then gave the final decision to the lawyers and told them to write it up in legalise, which they did. then, since they had the property settlement all worked out to their own pleasing, they had a peaceful, easy, cheap divorce and went on their own two ways.

(i strongly recommend that you do not have an affair at any time prior to your divorce: if he sends a private detective after you, who knows what he may do with the information and photos, even if your state is no fault divorce).

Answer 2

Have you considered getting a job? You'll need one once you are divorced. You could use some of your money for counseling if he won't pay. Atleast you'll feel better about having tried everything to save this marriage.

Both parties generally lose big-time in a divorce situation. There will be attorney costs, and they could get out of control if both parties fight over everything.

If your husband is as tight as you say he is, he'll fight to take it all. So it will be expensive. If i were in your shoes i'd first get a job and just start banking your paychecks in a separate account he doesn't have access too. I'd also start stashing as much cash as possible from the grocery budget etc. into that account but not so much as he will notice it immediately.

I'd gather up all your jewelry and anything that is small and valuable and stash it in a safety deposit box where you have the new account i just suggested.

You need to build yourself a nest egg that will enable you to survive while starting a new life. Use him for everything you can get to build this nest egg.

You can start selling things he won't notice gone on yahoo auctions etc.

Just about anything in a house has some value to it. so get busy and start identifying these things. List them in a password protected file on your computer. or download that list to a cd-rom or disc.

Also, look in the phone book for attorneys that offer free consultations and go talk to several and get their opinions.

Hope this helps and you can contact me for any additional questions should you have any.

Answer 3

I left a 24 year marriage for some of the same reasons. Your attorney or the judge will see that you split things 50/50. That is the law. You will get half of the assets in most states. I left with very little. I did not get married to profit from leaving it. Unless you are not well or unable to work etc, why worry about it, get a job, have your freedom and be happy.

Answer 4

If councelling would help, get it. At church, it may be free. You should always fight for your marriage, it is never easy. It sounds like you have done that for a while. The easy answer is to say, leave and get out. I am not sure of the financial ramifications. If he is the money maker then you might lose. It depends on the circumstances. If you are considering this as an option, you should seek the councel of a lawyer. good luck to you....

Answer 5

Well, I'd need a lot more info...

Did you ever work? Do you have an IRA? Did you ever contribute to the household finances? Did you raise children together? Were you always a stay at home mom??? And you didn't say how old you were, so there is too little info to consider here...


If you never contributed to the household funds, and stayed at home raising children, depending upon your state, you might be eligible for alimony for a few years... Courts tend not to award tons of money for long periods of time....

Answer 6

Have you tried to kick him to the curb as a warning? sometimes we get stuck in the rut of know that the other will always be there for us, no matter what, and the aftermath is neglect on the loser end, not even unnoticed. maybe a dramatic wake up call may bring the two of you back to the reasoning that you got together in first place. Find a simple time of where you two started from in beginning, maybe it needs to get back to the basics before all of life came raining down. grass really isn't greener over there. your know. its just a thought maybe things can be reconciled. Good luck money issues can be the most ugliest of all break ups.

Answer 7

I wasn't married as long but was married for 12 yrs and had 2 children. The last thing I worried about was financial reasons to stay. It all depends on what your wanting for yourself. Is it just differences that your wanting to leave or is it abuse? There are many reasons to end a marriage but to stay in one and be miserable because of finances is the wrong reasons, especially if you have children. I left everything and granted it was hard but, I made it. As for counsouling that will only help if that is what you both want and from sounds of it your done. So it is truly up to you if you want to make it on your own you have to decide that you will truly have to do it on your own and forget finances and depend on yourself. Because if you cant depend on yourself then who can you depend on ?

Answer 8

There for a second I thought you were talking about my brother. Then I realized, based on your question, this is not a problem that only men suffer from. My suggestion. Exercise tough love, and tell her what to do with herself. Stop answering the phone when she calls and change the locks. Or if you feel your hands are tied, arrange a marriage for her and tell her if she wan't to live like it's the 1800's then so be it. "You marring Doofy from down the street. He has a job and his parent's let him have the whole basement all to himself. It's like he owns his own home. So what if he drives a moped, it's transportation. You will just love him."

Answer 9

why get married in the first place?

you are only talking about his faults... but remember it takes two to clap. acknowledge what's really wrong with the relationship and both of you before saying goodbye to the marriage.

marriage counselling is useless unless both parties want to save the relationship. from what i see, you do not even have the interest of keeping him, so why mention about him being too tight to pay for the marriage counselling?

i hope things go well for both of you after sitting down and have a good talk with your husband.

Answer 10

Suze Orman has financial advice for women considering leaving a marriage. Go to her website and check it out, or read her books. She will help you get everything set and protect yourself so that you can get what you deserve and support yourself while going through a divorcel.