I love my husband, but I am sick of the drinking and wallowing. I have been the sole support of the home for 4 years and in that time have supported 3 of his boys and 1 niece.......I have my own son whom we raise together. My husband said that he would only take 6 months off and then find a job. That was in 2003. Last week, my employer asked my husband to submit his resume and he would look at finding him a job. My husband retired from the military and has issues and is usually inebriated when I get home. He told me that he "doesn't have to work or turn in his resume". I am working 60 hour weeks and coming home to have to clean and cook and care for the house and all of the bills. I am at my wits end and am ready to call it quits. Does anyone have any ideas?
2007-02-12 15:11:33 · 24 answers · asked by nursecandi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
if he's aggressi-e i would get-away now....if he's not, i would get some kind of professional help....you can start out with a book that deals with helping you cope...if you can manage to get him to some sort of counselling, the two of you , that might help....if none of this works, i would condsider separation.....is he retired with full benefits? if he is, your challenge might be a bit more difficult.... because he may be able to justify himself , a little easier....i'll be 100%honest with you, i use to be in a similiar situation, my girfriend was a nurse and i was a bartender...she talked me into quitting....so before long i was drinking a case of beer a day....it's easy to get in a rut like that and he probably want get out of it without some serious incenti-e or help....good luck
2007-02-12 15:41:11 · answer #1 · answered by michael m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Best you leave while you have your good will. Apparently, he has issues he does not want to face, and cannot ask you or does not want your emotional support. Suggestion- slowly pack your things away, mostly important papers and photos, take them to a rental place to store until you can move. Save every penny you can and then rent a place and move out. Do not file a change of address with the post office as he can find you through them. Just notify those who you have to as to your new address. Let the school know you are a victim and they will keep your son's address off their records in case he looks there. Very few people who start behaving like he is, will ever recover for good. Its usually an up and down life style that never stops until he is dead; about half the time by his own hand. Get out safely while you can.
2007-02-12 15:23:58 · answer #2 · answered by John C 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yeah, you are still there why??? What ARE you thinking??? You don't have a marriage from what you have stated here, you have a roommate... marriage is admiration, respect, passion and trust... the guy's drunk all the time, so there can't be much passion, and you sure as hell have no respect or admiration for him... Everything's in the toilet..... He's a parasite.... You didn't say what your housing arrangement is, but don't leave the house if you two own it together... the guy who leaves looses tons of cash....attorneys regard it as abandonment... Stay until your papers are filed If you and he are not ready for counseling, or you are just not interested, tell him you want out. Find a mediating attorney, decide how you will split your estate, have the attorney fill it out, and get out.... cost is $75-300 depending upon your area. If you get into an adversarial situation, it will cost you each $6000, and likely you will be paying all of it!!!! since you are the only one working.
You are nuts to stay, hon.... if he's an alcoholic, he is already in a relationship --- it just isn't with you, but I think you have that figured out..... And you can support yourself, so,,,, why are you still there.?????????????
2007-02-12 15:37:10 · answer #3 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
cut back your work hours. When the bills are all late or they are turning off your power. He will be forced to get a job. Don't leave him if you can still love him. Leave him notes on his responsibilities around the home and don't do what you asked him to ever. When chores get out of hand he will help out. If you talk to him about his problem getting a job that might help too.
2007-02-12 15:16:21 · answer #4 · answered by Christina H 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He has some serious issues. I understand what he is going through. On the other hand. You can't leave the children in his care if they are still under 18 if you get out. Make sure they are in a safe place. Good Luck!
2007-02-14 01:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by amoritaspice 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why have you stayed this long????? Do you enjoy being a doormat? Get out! Get out! Get out! Give yourself and your son a chance at a healthy life. You don't need an albatross around your neck and you sure don't need to support his kids--HE does! And, while you're at it, please get some counseling to figure out why you "love" this guy and have put up with this for so long. You are also enabling him. Join Al-Anon as soon as possible. It will open your eyes. If he has issues, insist that he get help with them. They are not an excuse to be a dead-beat drunk.
2007-02-12 15:17:47 · answer #6 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can truely relate to you as I have gone through this, it took me a long time to figure it out, but no one and I mean no one is going to be able to help him (including you ) , but himself. You need to leave and give the kids and yourself some much overdue peace. I know what its like coming home to a drunk everything, It was awful, it was hard for me to leave as he was not phys.. abusive. It took along time to figure out that was he was doing was just as bad. Please I beg you get help for yourself and kids, leave him, let him know that if and when he sobers up maybe then you can work things out. Do not fall for the I swear I`ll stop speach, Just make arrangments to get the hell out.
good luck to you I wish you well
2007-02-12 15:24:31 · answer #7 · answered by topside 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I assume that he doesn't need to go to counseling either because he is happy in this situation and doesn't need to change.
Probably shock therapy is the only solution and that isn't guaranteed to be effective. He isn't going to change unless he wants to and he isn't going to want to unless he is made uncomfortable.
Try to explain to him that you are tired of being used and that you and your son will be staying with a relative to give him an opportunity to straighten himself out. It may be possible to negotiate getting professional help from this position. Explain that you still love him but are tired of the situation.
2007-02-12 15:19:04 · answer #8 · answered by John B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think there are veterans services that you should seek. I think this is not uncommon for vets. What they have gone through mentally is really difficult. You are great for having taken care of him for this long and I thank you for that. However, for your own sake you should get him some help, either from veteran services or otherwise. It will not get better otherwise, and you have to draw a line some where. The best of luck to you....
2007-02-12 15:15:39 · answer #9 · answered by C. A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm a big proponent for keeping marriages together but come on here. Love and marriage is pointless with out respect... and I see no respect here. If you choose to stay then you have to accept that you will be used.
2007-02-12 15:19:52 · answer #10 · answered by David P 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋