am i a lesbian? is she a lesbian?

Question

okay i am in high school and i have had one serious relationship with a boy
3-4 months ago i met a girl and she is very pretty and funny and nice and i started to hang out with her a lot and she is also very touchy. i realized that i like it when she touches me (never sexually) just like holding hands or cuddling with me. obviously i do it back and she never tries to stop me, but we both come from religious backgrounds which means we would both try to conceal it and sometimes she doesnt talk to me, i thought maybe because i am 3 years younger than her, but i dont even know if she is into boys or girls!
its so complicated

also does that make me a lesbian? becase i dont know what i am

to answer your answers:
-i dont feel the way i feel about her with boys
-she has never had a boyfriend and doesnt seem at all interested in boys

Answer 1

I have the ultimate answer you've been wanting to hear/discover for a very long time. While I learned that love comes in all sizes, shapes and colors; this is a society of extremes, especially when it comes to relationships. On one end of the extreme is being straight, the other end is being gay, or just celibacy (being alone). Why does it have to be this way? There is a FOURTH alternative lifestyle that is just as fulfilling. Believe me, I dont think u are a lesbian at all!! Here's a typical scenario I see in many women who are confused about their sexual orientation: "Look, I dont know why, I'm just not crazy about guys, they're just ok. But when I look at girls, especially the one I like, who look (not just pretty) but also sophisticated, charming, smart, funny, witty, etc. I get this warm fuzzy feeling inside of me. Whenever I'm with her, I wanna hold her hand, hug her, kiss her, be close to her, I even think about her a lot, get nervous sometimes and self-concious too. But the funny thing is, I CAN'T picture having oral sex with her for example. I mean its sooo like yuck. Help!! Anybody experience these kind of feelings? Is it weird? Am I normal? What should I do??!!"
Answer: There is ONE kind of unique relationship in-between that not too many people know about... That is BOSTON MARRIAGE, and it blends nicely with ROMANTIC FRIENDSHIP. As u read about it, people don't practice this kind of thing today becuz it's such a sex-obsessed society! Lol... We need to be more open-minded when it comes to platonic physical affection. In this kind of relationship, kissing on lips (closed mouth; gentle, soft and slow) hugging, holding hands, running your fingers through her hair, dancing, massaging her feet, playfully nibble her ears, cuddling and spooning with her at night can be non-sexual. Who says it has to lead to anything else? You just do it because you love her and feel its the best way to express it. You can write sappy notes or poems to her, enjoy deep intimate conversations telling her how u feel. It has nothing to do with sex ok? Just remember that. This is more like emotionally intense stuff. You're lucky you have a touchy-feely girl and can explain this. And if u want to spend the rest of your life with her, agree to have a committed friendship ceremony (they do it in some parts of the world) & buy rings.
Let me know what u think about this. I'm sure many people out there are looking for this kind of thing. Believe it or not, I am too. U see, I'm more emotionally drawn to women, but at the same time I'm not a lesbian, so this lifestyle is the best for me. I havent found the lady yet, but I'm still waiting. I just need to have faith and patience and I'll find my one true female soulmate someday...
Well then, with the information you have now, I hope it works out for u! Good luck! :-)

Answer 2

If you stop thinking about it in black and white terms. From what I can understand it's kind of like left handed versus right handed. Naturally, most of us are right handed. We can use our left hand to varying degrees, but most of us can't use it very well. It's just the way our body evolved. However, there are also what we label as left-handed people because they primarily use their left hand. But we make this grand assessment based on how someone holds a pencil. The reality is, although there are some people who can only use their right and others can only use their left, there's a great variety of how much you can use the weak hand although it is skewed to the right. Now imagine being right handed is straight and left handed is gay.
If you are attracted somewhat to a girl, but are still strongly attracted to boys, that doesn't make you unusual. If you enjoy something and no one is being hurt, nothing is wrong and you're not considered a lesbian unless you greatly prefer girls over boys. Since you're in a serious relationship with a boy, that's probably not so. It's just religion that has taught us that this behavior is evil, but biology trumps religion. It will take several generations before this is accepted and the church understands, but remember Galileo was excommunicated for saying the earth revolved around the sun

Answer 3

Don't be so quick to label yourself or get worried. Just notice your feelings, without judgment or fear. If you are a lesbian, as time goes by, it will become unmistakably apparent to you; you won't need strangers on Y!A to tell you.

In the meantime, relax. If you do turn out to be lesbian, it's not the end of the world. There are far worse things that could happen.

Answer 4

you are still Young you will find the answer and just because you hold hands and cuddle does not mean you a lesbian do you get the same feelings when you are around that special boy

Answer 5

Sometimes it takes awhile to sort our our sexuality so don't be in any big hurry to label yourself - you could be bi-sexual. When you fall in love you'll know. It may be worth a confidential conversation with your school counselor, just so you have someone to talk to - or if there is a gay/straight alliance at school that might be a good group to hang with for awhile. Meanwhile, be patient with yourself,and your friend.

Answer 6

You could ask her if she knows of any girls at school that are into other girls. If she responds in a way you didn't want, you can brush it off by saying you were just curious / wondering.

You might ask her what her last boyfriend was like. It may give you an idea of her opinions on guys.