Why do people say you have to love yourself before someone else can love you?

Question

I just got out of a 3 1/2 year relationship. I feel terrible and have awful self esteem. I feel like no one will ever love me again. Why are people saying I have to find the love inside myself first before someone can love me? I think that if someone loved me, I'd feel better about myself. Meanwhile, i feel like chopped liver and its giving off bad vibes, and other guys dont like me. I feel hopeless. :(

Answer 1

J,
Snap out of it!!! the reason people tell you this is because, if you don't love and respect yourself then you can believe no one else will especially a man. You need to understand that a man or a mate does not validate you and that you don't need one in your life all the time, you need the right one in your life. Don't ever settle and and get to know yourself and how your want to be treated. No one can love you better than God and yourself.

Answer 2

I'm sorry about the breakup! People are saying that you have to find the love inside yourself because it's hard to give what you don't have.
We do send vibes, and people don't seem to want to treat us any better than we treat ourselves. If we believe that we deserve alot, and feel worthy,... people pick up on that,
We can also ask for what we want and need if we know what we know what our wants and needs are! There are all kinds of self esteem boosters available such as books, Cd's, affirmations etc...
to teach us how to improve our esteem. Esteem is an acquisition, it isn't something that lands on our porch, nor is it delivered by someone else.
Please don't feel hopeless. Provide yourself with the boost you need, and that will give you something to already get to feeling good about!

Answer 3

Well, after a 2 year relationship and 3 years of nothing, I dont think I am really qualified to answer this. However, I think you are giving yourself too little credit. I bet you have a lot to offer. Although, the whole thing about "finding the love inside" sounds a little cliche. Don't give up on what could be.

Answer 4

You're right. If you don't love yourself, you may be giving off vibes. You should shopping and buy yourself stuff, or have a spa day with some friends or something. Before you know it, you'll have high self esteem again, give off good vibes and have a boyfriend that's even better than your last one!

Answer 5

When you feel good about yourself, you give off good vibes. Few people are attracted to someone who lacks confidence in themself. You shouldn't see your past experiences as failures, that would probably help a lot. Hold your head high and keep your eyes forward....don't look back. Feeling like you need someone else to love you in order for you to feel worthy of love is not a healthy attitude, and most men can smell desperation from miles away.

Answer 6

Do you define yourself by someone loving you? Can you not be happy to be you and make your life what you want it to be? We are not drawn to people who have low self esteem and that give off bad vibes. Would you want to date someone like that? That is why everyone is telling you so love yourself, so that the right kind of person will want to be with you and you with them. There are some people who prey on people in your situation and make their life misreable. Stand up, be happy, live life, and go on!!!! Be you, not who you were with your "other"! Get your chin up and like yourself. We as individuals are so obsessed with having to have a partner that we do not see that we are great with or with out someone else!!!

Answer 7

when you begin to love yourself you will find that guys are more attracted to you... guys dig that confidence thing... why would i like a guy that doesn't like himself?... look at it this way.. if you don't like your self then why would a guy like you... you know yourself better than anyone and if you don't like then other's won't either... there are some of those guys that see that you are vulnerable and they will take advantage of you and they will abuse you physically, emotionally... you just gotta have confidence in yourself and believe that you are beautiful on the outside and in... once you start believing that it won't hurt so bad when you are rejected.... just remember that there is a guy out there for you and it's just a matter of time before you two find each other.. if you don't even know how to love yourself, what makes you think that you are capable of loving someone else the way they need to be loved?

Answer 8

You kind of answered your question yourself. you feel like you have awful self esteem and you need to know why you need to love yourself? You have many great things about yourself ask friends and family if you can't figure them out. Then put them on post cards and place them around your house. I promise you are a wonderful person and here comes a big HUG=)

Answer 9

I've been in your position before. YOU do have to like yourself in order to expect anyone else to like or love you back. You have to display confidence and you have to know that you have something good to offer them...other than your body, of course. You have to work on finding out what you like about yourself...your strengths and when you are confident, it will show and others will be attracted to you. You usually attract what you are...so remember that. You'll feel like you're worth something when you love yourself and you won't put up with just any behavior. You'll demand respect and you'll earn it in return. If you don't stand for something...you'll fall for anything. So learn to have some values, opinions, moral standards for yourself and what you expect out of a relationship. You'll be happy again soon, you'll see.

Answer 10

sounds like you need some time to heel see the reason people have to love them selves is because if you dont feel good and care about yourself then you will only find people who are doing the same thing but take time and heel yourselfg go out do what you want get your self a makeover you need to make yourself you oh yeah hey if you want someone to talk to because ive beeen there pm me