I've been with my boyfriend 3 years. Lately a few of my friends are talking about getting married, and with valentines day coming around.....well...I got to talking with my boyfriend about marriage, and he's flat out against getting married. He said the ceremony was a waste of time and money, and getting married legally doesn't change anything..so why get married?? Well I want a wedding, I'm kinda the traditional one in the relationship. I don't want a big one but I still want one.....The kicker is that a while back (maybe a year), he was telling me what kind of ring he was going to buy me, and what the ceremony would be like and who would be invited....So I want to know...WHY the change in heart??? And WHAT do I do about it?? He said he loves me and wants to be with me forever, so WHAT gives????
2007-02-12 14:22:43 · 13 answers · asked by Princess 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Maybe he was telling you *what you wanted to hear* a year ago bout getting married etc. Not sure what the sudden change is..that now he doesn't want to get married at all. I would ask him WHY? (just because of how much a wedding costs? thats a lame excuse*).....You both need to sit down and talk about what it is you both want from this relationship. You've been together 3yrs.......are you going to wait and HOPE he changes his mind again ?? and after another 3 yrs , he still hasnt changed his mind......where does that leave you? You want to get married someday and have a family im sure*........I would talk about it again with him AFTER VALENTINES* (cuz who knows...he may just be saying that to throw you off, and then perhaps he may propose on Valentines day*).........but definately talk after v-day and ask him what he wants from this relationship and that marriage is more than a piece of paper to you ., it's a binding contract for you both to be united as "one".......Partners for Life and it means alot to you* You don't feel it's a "waste" of money*.........Get to the bottom of what he's thinking about all of this. Is he planning on having kids? etc* GOODLUCK*
2007-02-12 14:30:51 · answer #1 · answered by friskymisty01 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't get married just because you like the idea of marriage or a wedding. If he doesn't want to get married, don't force him because he'll regret it, which will make you regret it. Maybe decide something the two of you could do that would symbolize your commitment to each other (you can still have the big party and all), but isn't quite the same as a marriage.
2007-02-12 22:35:46 · answer #2 · answered by meh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like you're with the wrong guy, I think you need to cut your losses with this guy and find someone who wants what you want or at least, is willing to give you what you want. About the kicker, maybe he's bluffing on what he said about not having the ceremony and whatnot, and is thinking about proposing this year on Valentine's Day. The only thing I can tell you to do is ask him to be completely honest with you about these change of hearts he's going through.
2007-02-12 22:33:12 · answer #3 · answered by Dimples 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you heard that saying "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?"
Well, maybe he does love you but he's at a place right now where he can love you with all his heart but he doesn't have that real commitment.
If you want a marriage, and I would too, then talk to him, tell him, and if he's not going to give it to you, tell him you love him, but you want a marriage, not a live in boyfriend forever.
It's a hard choice, but one that sounds like it's been made, especially when you used to talk with him about marriage and then he changed. You hooked up thinking that was a possibility. Not thinking it was never going to happen.
But it's ultimately your choice.
2007-02-12 22:28:56 · answer #4 · answered by flutterby 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ummm...think about it...if he was talking about it before...now all of a sudden he is totally against it....(put two and two together) When you love some one and want to be with them forever, then you will make that commitment. No excuses. It would be one thing if he was saying he just wasn't ready, then you would just have to give him some time. But he is flat out not wanting it...! Maybe you should think twice about the one you are with. Every girl deserves a good wedding and a commitment. Good Luck.
2007-02-12 22:29:56 · answer #5 · answered by BE HAPPY! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear-when a man says he does not want to get married, it means he does not want to marry you. You did not state your age, but 3 years is long enough to know whether you want to marry someone or not. Have a nice v-day, and I would break it off soon afterward. Be free and enjoy the single life, you will meet someone soon.
2007-02-13 01:00:30 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want to get married, find a man who shares your life goals when it comes to family, marriage etc.
Lay your cards on the table, and deal with it. It doesn't matter why he changed his mind- it matters that he has and you now want different things. 3 years is long enough.
2007-02-12 22:26:50 · answer #7 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
his love for you is true and real. maybe he has plans of his own. this is not the right time for him to talk about it. just wait for him to ask you or open that kind of conversation. you know guys marriage is a delicate story. so, if you really love him dont push him or force him talking about it. guys is not comfortable talking about marriage - you know that!
if he knows his physically, emotionally and Financially stable enough - he'll just surprise you and pop you that question without any clue. does it feel more special? happy valentines!
2007-02-12 22:32:23 · answer #8 · answered by leoNpari 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
By being together, does that mean living together? Dont mean to sound harsh, but if so, then he has reason to feel there's no point to offically get married.
2007-02-12 22:27:38 · answer #9 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU propose to him on Valentine's Day. Let him know you need a committment. Let him know how important being married to him is to you
2007-02-12 22:28:05 · answer #10 · answered by Duchess20 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋