He has asked her, they have talked about it, she knows he's interested, she used to really enjoy it. Now, for the last 6 or more months she has refused. She is not cheating, she claims she loves him, but that life is so stressful, she's too tired. He's the one who works 2 jobs to keep up with her shopping habit, she takes care of their one child.
Now, he has an opporunity to sleep with someone who is also married and has a bad sex life, too. The other woman knows his situation and wants the same as he does, and doesn't want to harm his family or hers. He loves his wife, he loves his child, he's so torn about what to do. He's also only been married just over a year. A lifetime without ever having sex again seems like a long time.
2007-02-12 14:19:43 · 24 answers · asked by meh 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, for one thing, I am a woman and this is about a close friend of mine. He and his wife are in their early 20's, and have been together off and on since they were about 16. Before they got married he said he wasn't ready for kids because they were still so young and he wanted to get them to a better place in their lives first, so she went off the pill and got pregnant without his knowledge. He loves his child more than anything and is afraid if he leaves he won't have custody. Also, did I mention she has total control over him, he isn't even allowed to go out with his friends without her calling a few times to make sure he's really there. He has not cheated nor has he ever given her any reason to think he has.
2007-02-12 14:32:00 · update #1
honestly i just got out of a situation like that my x g/f did everything i ever asked except she lost her sex urge well after about a year of nothing i couldnt handle it no more but in your case if you keep it on the down low then yeah but if you tell your wife thats going to do nothing but cause a **** load of problems for you
2007-02-12 14:28:34 · answer #1 · answered by vamp_19772001 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your story is quite common. Sex goes right out the window once you get married/have a kid. Why? Many women mis-represnt their sex drives. Before marriage, men get the "it'll be sex on demand 24/7/365" speech. And they are gullible enough to believe it.
Soon after the wedding though, the reality of married life sets in. Sex is far less frequent than the man is thinking. This is fine with the woman, but the guy is being driven up the walls. Why promise fidelity and monogamy when you get no sex is the reasoning. Not that that is right, but it's what guys think.
Don't cheat - it REALLY screws things up. Rare is the woman who after screwing you won't want your wife to know at some point. Sorry but you should be honest and re-evaluate the marriage before heading off to screw someone else.
2007-02-12 14:35:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having been in your shoes a long time ago (and still together), you need to talk to her and explain to her how this is affecting you. Women, in general, go through periods of depression and how you handle it can help her or make it worse. After you explain how you feel about the relationship, tell her how much you love her and want to support her. Your wife knows that you love her but does she actually see it? Do you buy her a rose one day just because? Spend some time just cuddling without expecting sex. It is very difficult when it has been a while but perserverance pays off. Do you hold hands in public? How about just putting your arms around her just to show the world that this is the person that you want to be with. While these are not big things, they can mean so much in a marriage and in a relationship.
2007-02-12 14:32:49 · answer #3 · answered by dadof7n2001 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i imagine she is being a hypocrite. yet some thing like this shouldn't grow to be a large argument. in case you 2 communicate nicely, then there should not be a difficulty explaining your area to her. a twin of daddy's little lady there's a mommas boy. (no longer announcing that you're, yet it truly is an excellent anology to apply) no matter if it truly is that bothersome, then why do not you pass out one nighttime, get an inexpensive inn and function sex for some hours and then pass lower back homestead? (you could also spice it up extremely with some wine and end result) tutor her that besides the actual undeniable reality that the kinfolk is round you both can get excitement from one yet another purely no longer in the homestead. i recognize,it truly is a touch a lengthy way fetched notwithstanding it would artwork. somewhat of throwing the actual undeniable reality that she did not opt for to do it inclusive of her dad staying there, make some form of compromise. i'm a woman and my entire existence has been about compromise, what am i able to attempt this will fulfill me and the desires of others.... choose you the finest of success!
2016-11-27 19:22:12 · answer #4 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi.
Please refer your friend to the book 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Dr. Robert Glover. There is also an online support group he might find useful. From what you say, he falls BIG TIME into this trap. He's ceased to be a man in his wife's eyes, and has become a gopher who attempts to appease her needs. How many women find a man like that sexually attractive? While clearly she deserves blame for this, blaming her will get him nowhere. He needs to learn to shift his behaviours. Once he's done that, he can assess whether he wants to stay in the marriage or not, whether her behaviour changes in kind, and whether at that point he wants to go outside. But I _urge_ him to work through the book. If he's like many men, he's gotten on a vicious cycle - she's declining sex, so he tries harder and harder to take away all of her stress and make her life perfect, dealing with all her complaints. But the more he does, the less he is the man she originally found interesting. He needs to disengage, stand up to her, establish boundaries, and find himself again. You may be surprised to know there are men in situations like his who've actually had their marriages turn around and sex lives pick up. Others, once they become stronger and less under the wives control, elect to move on.
Good luck to him.
2007-02-13 07:42:29 · answer #5 · answered by kheserthorpe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not true that she's not intrested, not extactly! It could be something medical! if she is on birthcontrol and/or medications smokes or drinks a lot of caffeine it can affect a womens sex drive! It could be something medical! Women have those problems too! Besides if youre working two jobs and have a child that you means that you aren't spending as much time on her as you should or as she needs! You are married you shouldn't be thinking about another women unless youre thinking divorce first! Have a little respect for the women who brought your child into this world! You really should try to figure out what stresses her out and find out what you can do to help! Try helping her she's your wife you picked her for better or worse! hopefully this is the worst and things will get better!
2007-02-12 15:02:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My advice is to seek marriage counseling. Sounds like there are more problems than you can shake a stick at. Maybe she is bored...
You could take her away for the weekend get Grandma or someone to help with the little one and wisk her away for a romantic evening.
About the other woman...you are playing with fire here. Once you cheat you can never take it back. Can you live with the guilt? If you don't think you will feel guilty then I have to wonder if there is any thing left to your marriage.
Good luck!
2007-02-12 14:25:19 · answer #7 · answered by ~Just A Girl~ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Pleasuring ones partner is a part of the contract known as marriage.
If money is an issue, it might not be a possibility to hire a local private investigator to see what exactly is going on while he is at work.
2007-02-12 14:23:56 · answer #8 · answered by flagmagnets 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There could be a medical reason why your wife doesn't want sex. Have you really asked her why?
Take her to a doctor.
Don't bang the other woman. You'll end up regretting it and may end up with more problems than you started (STDs).
If sex is THAT important to you, get divorced because it's obvious you don't really love her. You wouldn't think of getting it somewhere else. You would please yourself.
2007-02-12 14:25:43 · answer #9 · answered by Nancy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't go there. There is more to her lack of interest than "tired and stressed". You need to find out what is happening between you before you complicate matters by adding another person in the mix.
2007-02-12 14:23:04 · answer #10 · answered by kitty-mama 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋