What do you do if you are trapped in a completely loveless marriage?

Question

One where you are only used for your income and get absolutely nothing in return?
I have 2 children who I love dearly.

Answer 1

That's so sad. Are you sure that's what you're used for? What was your relationship like before you got married? I'll guess you've talked to her about it and things haven't changed. Have you tried counseling? It's very difficult for a man because you fear you'll lose your children, or at least easy access to them. Have you talked to her about separating? About what would happen with the children? Although my husband and I are not in that position we have talked about what would happen with our child. She would most likely live with me, but unless he did something to harm her I would never get in the way of their relationship. If you have tried everything you can think of to save your marriage, it may be time to look at your options to leave. Keep in mind that children do not benefit from living with two parents who do not love each other, and especially who fight.

Answer 2

I would first try to think back to why I fell in love with that person to begin with. If that doesn't work then I don't know that there is anything you can do. You definitely need to put your children first. They will not be little forever, but they also don't need the kind of grief that comes with a divorce. You can have a life of your own and still live under the same roof as your spouse. The only way I would say bail out is if there is a lot of fighting and the kids are having to live in the middle of it. That is not good for them either. I say, if you can be civil, stick it out for the kids. If not and you two are fighting in front of them, move on.

Answer 3

The first thing to do is to try and change your attitude about it. I think your wife is getting the negative vibes you may be sending her way. Is changing your attitude for the sake of your children worth giving it an honest effort? In marriage, people tend to start taking their partners for granted. It sounds like that is what has happened to you. Try and remember how you felt about your wife when you were first together. Remember how wonderful you felt at the birth of the children she gave both of you. Remember the times you laughed together. Take her out on dates, just the two of you. Try and rekindle the love that was once there. Fall in love with her again! She obviously had things that attracted you to her and her to you at one time. All that is still there, buried just beneath the worries about the mortgage payment, the kids, and the faucet which needs fixing. And go into it with an attitude of love and acceptance for who she is without ulterior motives, just love. I can almost guarantee if you put her first, she will come around to doing the same for you,too. I hope you can work it out, I sincerely do. I think you still love her, but are at your wits end as to how to proceed. Give it an honest effort and see how it goes, ok?
Best wishes

Answer 4

I am seeing a man in the same situation. I love him like I have never loved before and it is hard because I can't stand the fact that he is still married. Had I known he was from the beginning I would have never agreed to a relationship with him. If you want to have a relationship with someone else and you find that you cannot make it work with your wife no matter what you do, then divorce first. Don't cheat. It sucks.

Answer 5

Well, unless she can prove you have abused the children either physically or sexually, there's an excellent chance you will retain at least partial custody of your children. If they are old enough, the judge may even ask them him/herself how mommy and daddy treat them. But that's extreme reasoning, I'm certainly not suggesting you've hurt your children, on the contrary.

On a personal note, I'm on the opposite end. Except I don't have the benefit of having access to any of *his* money.

Answer 6

The only way is to seperate. As with you having kids it makes it worse for them if you are miserable all the time which angers me when couples only stay together for their kids as 99.9% of the time the kids grow up with parents who have argued or fought all the time. So pls dont stay because of your kids its not fair on them. There are ways to get access and plenty of it to your kids if you do decide to split and yes at first the kids will be upset but they will get over it as in the long run they will have a happier father to support them. Thats just my oppinion m8 and wish you all the best in your quest for happiness.

rezz

Answer 7

I know exactly what you mean...if you're not happy then she is probably not happy. Do you think your kids will notice the distance between you and your wife? Do both of you a favor and discuss a divorce. When you are less worried about your wife you can pay more attention to your kids and you may find someone who will treat you how you should be treated...with lots of love.

Answer 8

The sooner you divorce, the happier you will be.

Don't stay because of the children. That is an old cop-out and excuse. Resentment and anger will only build up from everyone and you don't need that.

Get out of there now.

Answer 9

Get out now before you have 3 children.

Answer 10

that,s sad,but i think more than typical situation, than most people want to admit to,actually...i would definitely suggest some heavy duty counseling for sure.children are involved so some definite effort should be given by all means available,take care.(some sort of religious involvement might also help the whole situation also,it certainly won,t hurt!