The Missing
It started innocent
I had no agenda, no wish or desire
Funny how things start to transpire
I don’t know what made it okay
There is something missing, misplaced or unmade
I sit here
There is no tear
There was no intention
I knew from the start
It’s fun to play
Even the sad part
This was something not to do
I should have kept telling you
I didn’t…I couldn’t say it
I needed you to finally say it
But it was my feelings you reflected
And I cursed you when we disconnected
I sit here
There is no tear
The situation is not real
There was never any deal
There is something missing, misplaced or unmade
Your life cannot end for me
Even if we were meant to be
Ms. Smith said it best…
I was much further out than you thought
And not waving but drowning
I know you can breathe
I know mine is gone
I know this isn’t as poignant as song
I sit here
And there is no tear
It had only just begun
And I knew I hadn’t won
This is to convince me it’s true
But I can see right through you
There is something missing, misplaced or unmade
So I will sit here with a tear
2007-02-12 13:38:13 · 18 answers · asked by Sahmantha18 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Philosophy
I know, I know...it rhymes. I don't like those either, but hey there has to be some rhyming poems right!?! I wrote this in about 20 min yesterday. Thanks for all your feedback!
2007-02-12 13:47:35 · update #1
Would it be better if I exchanged "Your life" for "Marriage"? I started w/ "Marriage" but thought it limited what the poem could mean to people, so I changed it to "Your life".
2007-02-12 14:06:34 · update #2
6
2007-02-12 13:40:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
5
2007-02-12 16:47:24 · answer #2 · answered by Cajun_ Creater 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
10
2007-02-12 13:46:13 · answer #3 · answered by Simon 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, this is an honest effort but it is completely unnecessary for a poem to rhyme. Rhyming, especially in couplets, makes a poem sound childish like a Dr. Seuss story. Also, there are no specifics in this piece for a reader to grab on to. The purpose of poetry is to show the reader something and transform a viewpoint or situation. There is no change here and there is no concrete (description of real places or solid things) to unify and ground the poem. Overall, this poem is perhaps a 3.
2007-02-12 13:43:14 · answer #4 · answered by PUtuba7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but it didn't make a lot of sense to me. Your thoughts seem disconnected, so I don't know what you are trying to convey. It seems like it might be written to someone, but what is it about? It isn't vivid enough, doesn't describe the situation, and doesn't explain your feelings in a cohesive way. It seems like it lacks direction. I would give it a 2.
2007-02-12 14:01:19 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm no longer plenty for poems yet i'd say this is a pair of four. the reason I say that's considering you used frequent words the element approximately poetry is each and each be conscious you opt for would desire to be heavily chosen and chosen for a particular reason. thoughts are poetry purely righting precisely the style you experience isn't v. innovative.
2016-09-29 01:02:10 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How fast you can write a poem!
Add spice to a poem that can awaken a brain, something that can draw interest and smile to the reader. Based on my reaction to your poem, I rate it a 4, i just need something a thrill, eh. Write some more poems , ok.
2007-02-12 15:21:40 · answer #7 · answered by pearls & lace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Eh, it seems kinda exclusive. The only ones who would be able to understand it is the author and the person(s) it was meant for. I'd give it about a 5 (It made very little sense to me).
2007-02-12 13:55:16 · answer #8 · answered by Radgar E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounded cool...a little confusing which I kinda liked cause I don;t like when poems spell things out for me. I give it an 8
2007-02-12 19:13:19 · answer #9 · answered by missthang 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it. It has a good beat and you can dance to it. I give it an 8
2007-02-12 13:40:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋