I have a crush on a fellow grad student...?

Question

Hey folks, I'm a grad student here in the midwest, and it's my first year. I'm working with another grad student, a guy, in his fourth year, who's almost done with his PhD work. He's pretty much been a colleague and mentor over the past few months since September. He's really cute, and I've developed a crush on him. Here's the thing: I'm a guy too. I know he's gay (for sure -- long story), and I'm just starting to come out. Should I tell him about my crush and ask him out?

Answer 1

Go for it. It sounds like you have a lot in common and you already know he's gay so the worst would be that he says "I'm flattered, but not interested." At least then you can move on and still stay friends with the guy instead of having googly eyes and drooling all over your school work every time you're around him...you'd probably get more work done afterward!

Answer 2

Milkbone's right, for two reasons: One, the mentoring thing is kind of like getting a crush on doctors and therapists. Two, just because a guy is gay doesn't guarantee he's attracted to you.

But if you don't show some affection, you'll never know how he feels. The worst regrets are for the chances not taken.

Answer 3

I think that you should ask him out :) (I'm jealous that you at least know that your crush is gay too you lucky devil :D).

Ask him for coffee and perhaps talk about how his coming out was (if he is) and if he has any advice for you. This way he knows that you're gay too and doesn't immediately put pressure on him by saying that you have a crush on him.

When you're done having coffee or whatever ask him if you two can do this again but as more than friends. Hopefully he'll be interested too :), but if not at least you should be able to keep your friendship and who knows maybe he'll be able to introduce you to a cute friend of his who is interested :).

Go get 'em Tiger!

Best wishes,

Answer 4

Yeah, why not...but be a little sly. Wear your favorite jeans, you know, the ones that make your package look real good. Compliment him subtlely. Watch for his reactions. Most guys give signals if they're interested. Ask him if he wants to go out for a pizza or something like that. He's not likely to respond in the school situation if he's a moral person, so.... Good Luck! Rob

Answer 5

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Answer 6

Go for it. What's the worst that could happen beyond him using you up and kicking you aside after he gets his PhD? And there you'll be with your broken heart and your unfinished thesis, working at Starbucks in the summer while he goes off to bigger & better things.

Answer 7

I think you should. I would if I were you (especially if he cute in your eyes). If you know he's gay too then go for it. For starters do you know if he has crush on you?? Just don't take it hard if he doesn't. Have Fun.. ;)

Answer 8

Ask him what it was like when he realized he had fallen in love with another guy. Then, when he tells you his story, you can admit to being in love with him.

Answer 9

I would. Just don't set yourself up for heartbreak.