So I posted the question last night about my husband pushing me to have kids... alot of people answered saying that we should have talked this over before marriage and the whole bit, but we did... it was decided that we were not going to have kids, and then he turned 26 last month and he changed his mind. I took advice by talking to him and finding out the truth... he said that he wants to start a family with me and he feels that it would bring us closer together. I told him that I'm just not ready yet, and that I'm still young... I asked him if we could wait a year or so and then discuss it again and he didn't have a problem with it. He said that "it's not a necessity to have kids, but that it would be something that he would like to do at some point before he's 30." So thank you everyone who posted answers... it really helped...
2007-02-12 12:05:54 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's so nice to hear that a couple was able to sit down and have a mature discussion about such an important thing. Your husband sounds like a great guy who loves you very much, and if you keep it up like this, your marriage will do well. Good luck to both of you.
2007-02-12 12:09:21 · answer #1 · answered by Jess H 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think it would be really pointless in saying that you need to explain to him why you want to wait as I assume it's been done already. At the same time however I think it's wonderful that he wants to share this special bond with you and providing that there are no financial grounds that would prevent you from raising children I am sure you will do a wonderful job of it. I have a friend who has had children in her thirties and now she feels that by the time the 2 boys are school age she will be too old to enjoy her life and would lack patience to support them. She said if she had a chance to turn back time she would chose to have kids at a younger age.. that way when the kids are school age she is still young enough to live her life. I am quite a young mum myself and I think the fact that your husband is ready too have children is wonderful, as it's usually quite the opposite with men. Also you will find that being younger will will worry less and be more natural in raising the children and be able to bond and understand them as you will be closer in age than older mums.
Good luck and I hope that whatever choice you make it will make you happy and bring you no regrets.
2007-02-16 10:32:56 · answer #2 · answered by tusca 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not going to like my answer, but I will tell you that we are working on number 42 years of marriage. Most husband don't want conflict in the house. Most of us will say what ever it is that you want us to say. I have read all about how wonderful it is that you are able to talk,....oh really? No, you spoke and he agreed to keep out of a conflict. What I have to say has nothing to do with making you feel good but I would tell my own children the same.It is not lack of respect that I tell you if he wants children and says so you better listen to him. This situation is usually the other way around, she wants a baby and he is to selfish to want a baby. If he is saying that he wants a child then I would tell you with your with drawing that you may be in a very serious situation and he may start to look else where. Why don't you both go and talk to your clergyman. If you do be as honest with each other as possible, I wish you both a wonderful and bountiful life,.....and maybe a child or two. Please don't minimize what I have written, and think not you. There are a lot of, "not me and my man," in divorce court everyday.
2007-02-12 18:13:48 · answer #3 · answered by ffperki 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"My reasoning is he has cheated on me. it can not be actual yet besides the undeniable fact that it is defintly emotional." It sounds from some thing else of your submit that you've not confronted him in this issue. in case you've not then you quite have a issue with your self you want to fix. you want to confront him in this. "very last evening he suggested as us all lazy. I had got here domicile from operating(training children), swept my flooring, wiped clean my dishes and had all started my laundry. And he suggested as me lazy. He works for the city mowing grass. Our fights are over stupid issues besides the undeniable fact that it hurts my emotions and exceptionally at the same time as he drags the boys into it." the reality of the count number is you're an similar human being that has no longer confronted him on suspected dishonest so once you tell this tale your credibility is decrease because it makes one ask your self what you're leaving out.
2016-12-04 02:43:57 · answer #4 · answered by lesure 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if you really love this guy love then go for it and start a family with him , If hes not then tell him, ! Guys may not seem very understanding but deep down we really are.
All guys want is a lover to tell the truth all the time and tell us when your down , If you dont talk about these things to him your never know ,
I made a mistake with my ex Gf and we never talked together about things so it all went wrong ,
Talk with him about all these things and im sure it will all come together,
2007-02-12 12:14:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'll say wait ofr a while. It seems that the both of you don't know what you really want and you can't go backwards in time so wait another year or so and then make the decision.
2007-02-12 12:10:57 · answer #6 · answered by DW 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he thinks it will bring you closer together, and you dont want kids, then he's sadly mistaken, if he forces you into having kids it could destroy your relationship into an unmendable position. If you both aren't agreeing upon having kids then i'd say dont have children.
2007-02-12 12:10:24 · answer #7 · answered by I love Mirra 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would definitely wait another year and see if you are both ready then.
Don't be bull dozed into it if you are not ready.
Hopefully your relationship will be stable and you both will want to bring children into the world for the right reasons.
2007-02-12 12:14:57 · answer #8 · answered by Jewel 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well...it's good that you are waiting if you are not sure. because if you are not sure then don't do it. as you know...the decision to have children cannot be compromised. either you do or you don't. so dont let his anxiety (because he's almost 30) to influence your decision or to even give in. if you don't want to have children then don't do it. and watch your birth control and make sure that he doesn't try to sabbotage it (you never know). but just be prepared for a lot of friction and also mentally prepare yourself for full separation from your husband...because he wants to have children and you don't.
2007-02-12 12:51:03 · answer #9 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's amazing that you needed people to advise you to talk to your husband about it. If more women would simply do that with their boyfriends/husbands in the first place instead of talking to every other person first or instead of, then there'd be less problems in relationships. Women have a lot of nerve placing communication problems on men.
2007-02-12 12:12:08 · answer #10 · answered by marklemoore 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋