When I turned 18, I was on a LOT of drugs, you name it. My best friends father of four years told me he wanted me to help pick out a car for my best friend. I went with him and he propositioned me with money for sex. I thought about it, and decided I could handle the it. (She was living out of town then anyways) + I had a $350 ticket that I didn't want my grandmother to have to pay for. Anyways - I knew i could trust this man and like I said, I was fried.
9 years later.... I can't forgive myself because if SHE ever found out, she would never forgive me. I love her family (not her dad of course) - and would hate to break them up. My friend and I resumed our best friend status shortly afterwards and have lived a great life as friends... besides that one thing.
I thought it was something I coudl live with, but I still beat myself up about it almost daily.
Should I come clean, or keep this burden to myself, because it would only hurt her and her family? (her family is closeeee
2007-02-12 11:55:55 · 19 answers · asked by Vaselle L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
another option... should I stop being her friend because it is unfair for her to be friends with someone she would hate if knowing the full circumstances? I love her so much - and I forgot to mention that I'm not on drugs any longer and haven't been for 6 years.
2007-02-12 12:03:14 · update #1
Hi there. If it has been 9 years then it doesn't seem that much good would come from rehashing something from the past just to alleviate the guilt you have had to live with for so long. You were a messed up 18 year old and despite being "of-age" to make your own decisions, that doesn't mean you were mature enough to know when someone was taking blatant advantage of you. What her father did was very wrong and while you certainly should have had the sense to know better, you are only responsible for half of the blame. Knowing nothing of their family's relationship would make me suspect that you weren't the only young person the man treated that way. This man paid you for sex!! That's treating you like a prostitute. If you were as messed up on drugs as you say, then you weren't in your right mind anyway. That's not to make excuses for your irresponsible behavior at all, but drugs/alcohol definitely make us all do things we would never do in a sober state.
So, in my opinion, you should only tell your friend what happened if it will somehow help her. Otherwise, you really need to forgive yourself and get past it. If you find yourself in a situation that makes you feel bad about yourself, then you should remove yourself from it because your conscience is trying to warn you away from something that could be very self-destructive for you.
FORGIVE yourself.
2007-02-12 12:22:37 · answer #1 · answered by Michele 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why burden your friend with your guilt? What will it accomplish telling her other than your burden? Based on what you have written nothing..............if you need to talk then talk to someone that you know would never tell your secret or a counselor. It is not fair to burden your friend, and I know this is hard but you are only helping yourself by telling her...............yes I think her father is a huge slime for taking advantage of your state of mind at the time and I am sure he knew exactly what he was doing, but bottom line he is still her father. Good luck and I hope you find a way to forgive yourself, you sound like that girl is a lifetime away so give yourself credit and try to move on....
2007-02-12 12:05:32 · answer #2 · answered by irish eyes 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT tell her anything about it. It is in your past, and should stay there. OK, it hurts, but that's life. You are a better person than you were then, and do NOT need to rake up the mess of the past, shattering both your trust in each other, and probably breaking up the family as well. It will solve nothing. Nothing at all. LET IT BE, and move into the future as the person you are now.
2007-02-12 12:01:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bury the past unless her father proposition you again. Then tell your friend about both his past and recent transgressions.
Since you were of legal age, consented to the sex and accepted money, he's not in any legal trouble unless it's for soliciting prostitution. But then you'd be found equally guilty for agreeing to perform an act of prostitution.
Since both you and your friends are now well into your mid/late twenties, you have no obligations to reveal your secrets.
2007-02-12 12:06:45 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just keep it to yourself, have you ever heard stirring the shitt only makes it stink worse? It's only going to hurt her to tell her, and the only way she would ever find out is if you or her father told her. Men are very good at keeping secrets like this so I think it's totally up to you.
Do not stop being her friend because of this! Men and women have sex and keep secrets all the time, this really isn't all that unusual.
2007-02-12 12:00:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Keep it to yourself and forgive yourself for it. You must do that to heal and go on. Revealing this to your best friend would not just harm the relationship but be devestating to her. She may even question that it really happened. May be she knows what a terrible dad she has. You might have to distance yourself from her family as hard as it is.
2007-02-12 12:01:12 · answer #6 · answered by VW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-11-03 07:09:32 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was a different time, a different life. Tell you what. Write a letter to her but don't mail it, just read it over and over and try to find a really good reason to tell your friend. There isn't one. Burn the letter and move on.
2007-02-12 12:03:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep this burden to yourself. If you tell your friend it would crush her. Once you say something out loud, it cannot be taken back. You did the deed - you suffer the consequences.
2007-02-12 12:00:11 · answer #9 · answered by ra63 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why tell her 9 years later - what do you gain from giving her this information
Forgive yourself and MOVE ON ,
You are unhappy - No need to have her unhappy with your mess
2007-02-12 12:02:07 · answer #10 · answered by Yahoo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋