I have to read it infront of my class and I want it to be good becuase I hate sharing my stories.
Alyssa was in a car. She was a foster child and she was going to meet her new mom. She was excited and nervous. She finally arrived at her mom’s house. As her fingers trembled she rang the doorbell. An old lady with pimples, zits and gray hair answered. Alyssa was scared to see her face but she seemed really nice. She told Alyssa to come in and gave her some milk and cookies. She thought that her new mom was really nice, but as days went by she turned meaner and meaner. She wasn’t as nice as she was before. She became evil and always screamed at her. One night when Alyssa was going to bed in her room she heard her foster mom talking on the phone.
She was horrified when she heard what her mom was talking about. Her began to beat faster. She found out that her mom wanted to kill her by poisoning her food. She didn’t know what to do. Alyssa sat up the whole night thinking. She decided t
2007-02-12 11:29:22 · 6 answers · asked by Mike 1 in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
She decided that in the morning she was going to skip breakfast and find out more about her step mom. The next day Alyssa got up, took a shower and read a book. When her mom left for the grocery store she took the phone and called the police. After her foster mom came back from the grocery store, a couple minutes later the police came. They told her that they had a reason to arrest her. Her mom confessed after several hours of torture. Alyssa was given a new home and her mom was arrested. Her new home was safe and her parents were actually nice to her.
2007-02-12 11:29:48 · update #1
Uhhhh I am not getting graded on this this is for class participation!
2007-02-12 11:44:52 · update #2
that really got my attention. probably put more detail after the she hears the phone call like say "Why arent u eating? are u trying to kill urself?" no mam, im just not hungry today" then the police can bust down the door and yell "put ur hands up!" and then explain why they arrested her. and say at the end "somethings weird they arent as happy as yesterday"!
2007-02-12 11:36:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I see grammar errors and I see too many sentences, what you need is to combine some sentences to a bigger one.
Here some stuff to demonstrate to you. (These are some of your sentences)
She was excited and nervous and when she finally arrived at her mom's house, her fingers trembled as she rang the doorbell...
like that, and if you proofread your essay then i think you will get a decent C or B depends how you fix your essay.
2007-02-12 11:37:17 · answer #2 · answered by Andrew 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow that is really nice. I think if you read infront of your class they will like it. Lol I have that problem too, but this is a really nice story. Don't worry about it.
2007-02-12 11:32:22 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pimples and zits are the same thing - you only need to use one of them.
2007-02-12 11:40:32 · answer #4 · answered by KJ480 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I guess its good if you are about 10 years old.
2007-02-12 11:37:39 · answer #5 · answered by Pedro Sanchez 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i really enjoyed this story. Good job!!
&Don't worry, i also hate talking in front of my class, but hey, you'll get through it. =]
Good luck.
2007-02-12 11:36:17 · answer #6 · answered by Eclipse 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋