intimacy problem in marriage. this has always been a problem since before we married?

Question

My husband and I have been married 4 years this april we don't fight about much except one thing and we have this argument every 6mo however its not a fight anymore more like a discussion about our future will this work out or not. We have sex max once a week sometimes less. I would like to fix this we love each other dearly and I don't see myself with anyone else and I don't worry about him cheating, but we can't keep going on like this. Our lives are busy he feels that we need to work out 5 days a week for 1hr tan by the time all this is done we don't get home till 8pm I then fix dinner and we don't get to shower and prepare for the next day until 9 or 10 we don't head to bed until 11 or so. He is not mr romace and I am not the run around naked type. How do we satisfy the need for a healthy sex like one that real people have not those on tv. Any ideas would be great maturity please!

Answer 1

This is a common problem in our day and age, we are just too busy. Here are some things to keep in mind that might help you our.

First, if you have a need and he is not ready or just too busy take care of yourself. Here is a helpful link that you might check out.

http://www.durex.com/US/

http://www.literotica.com/

You might not feel this is the best answer for you but it can help when you are going out of your sexual mind.

Second, why does he need the body that drives women crazy if he is not willing to use it? BTW tell him that you have to work out the soul and spirit if you are going to be truly healthy. Sex brings people together and release the pressure that we are all under too. Remind him that sex is part of a healthy lifestyle. If things keep going the way you say they are someone's blood pressure will go up big time, anger and bitterness are hard to live with.

Third, it is ok to dress to meet the need or may I say undress. When a person goes fishing you have to have the right bait. If you walked into the room and hiked up your dress and started a show that might help and if he does not move then get out your toy from Durex and enjoy yourself, only a "thick rock head" would misunderstand your actions. If he throws a fit about it then tell him to come over and fix the problem.

Fourth, we bought two matching doves and placed them on the table...when they were face to face touching that meant it was time to make time four love, the one that turned the doves could expect to hear from the other when time would be made available for sex. We also made a rule that sex had to start within a 24 hour period.

Fifth, you might want to make 4 date times a month and switch back and forth as to who will decide what to do on the date. We know what you want to do so get cooking!

Sixth, learn all you can about how to please your man remember when a man's favorite meal is served he is more likely to come running. You know what maybe he has a problem on how to please you, did you ever think of that.

Seventh, just sit down and talk about it when you are not upset. You might not say it just right but remind him that there will come a time when he will need to talk with you and you will do your best to understand.

I have a number of other things I could say and write me if you need to. Remember to give one of us a "best answer award" because many people are working to help you!

Answer 2

If this has been an issue since before the marriage, and it is still an issue - it must not be a big deal if you have not figured a wayto fix the problem by now. That being said; someone needs to make an effort. Someone needs to step up. Go buy a sex book. There are many boks out there that offer new positions/ideas for every day of the week. Read up, watch some movies. But the bottom line is someone needs to step up to the challange and get the party started.

Answer 3

It sounds like he is a man who likes his routines and habits. Habits are hard to change. Men are hard to change. As the years pass, sex is likely to get less frequent rather than more frequent unless you take a hard look at the habits. See if you can change just one. Maybe you can suggest cutting out something in the preparing for the next day part of your evening, postpone or make it low priority, suggest sex instead. See if this pleases him or annoys him. This will give you a clue about whether there's a solution to your intimacy problem at all.

Answer 4

You don't have to run around naked, but why have perfect toned/tanned body if not going to use it!

Try to look the best you can all the time (for yourself even!). Don't wear frumpy clothes or Pajamas.

Your hubby needs to see you as fun/sexy so maybe you two can agree to have more date nights. Go dancing/take lessons if necessary to rekindle some kind of heat.

Rent sexy movies (not porno)..... Body Heat, Big Easy and make a pass at him, if he tries to pull away, just say "come on sweetie...I just want you so bad...I'll do all the work" Or something that gets him going?

Be honest with him that you need to ramp up the level.....

Answer 5

How many times will women have to fail before they learn.

IF YOU TRY TO CHANGE A MAN, YOU HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF CHANGING HIM INTO SOMEONE YOU WON"T LIKE!

You knew he was like this before, yet you fraudulently entered the marriage with him when you really wanted someone else.

Now, your answer.

You're gonna have to be the change you want to see in him. You will have to become the "run around naked type" to get him to notice you want more sex. You will have to become the sexually aggressive one. You're probably going to have to take his hand each time and lead him there too.

And it's all your fault for entering marriage under false pretenses.

Or you could just run away from your own mistakes and divorce him. God knows he should have know that you were conniving and manipulative beforehand.

I know you asked for maturity, but you just don't want the truth, and maturity begets maturity.

Answer 6

Is once a week not often enough for you? It seems to be about the average, at least for the couples I know that have been married for a while. My husband and I don't get around to it more than 1x/month, but we are *really* on the low side - once a week seems about right for others. I don't know if it might be a problem with your husband, but it was recommended to my husband that he takes a blood test to check his testosterone levels; low testosterone can cause low sex drive, and is a treatable condition. Perhaps it would be something to chat to your doctor about.

Answer 7

It is called, "someone is LAZY!!" Sex is an important part of any marriage, if it is bothering you that you don't do it as much as you think you should, then confront him about it. My husband is like this to, however our lives are much different than yours, seeing as we do not tan, but our sex life seems to get moved to the back burner a lot also. If you have any kids, that can slow it down also. Tell him to get off his butt and give you what you need. You gotta be happy.

Answer 8

A lot of men are afraid of intimacy because they don't know what it really means. They associate it with sex, when it actually has little or nothing to do with sex. It's a connection shared by individuals. Communication is the key to all good relationships. You have to make what you want known. Humans aren't mind readers, you have to be able to convey your feelings to one another.

Answer 9

hey there.....
from personal experience..there are a lot of things that keep you from getting "in the mood"...being too busy is one of them....
I am not one of those that believes in "scheduling" it....with 4 kids and my husband and I both working fulltime..I know how you feel...
but something I have learned is the more you have it...the more you will crave it....with men its the opposite..the less they get..the more they want....
talk to your husband and tell him that somehting has to give in your lifestyle to allow more"relax" time. and then use that "relax" time to just be together...
there are some days that I get into bed and before i know it i am out..like an off switch...and believe me if my husband doesnt get it at least 2 times a week hes a big baby about it....
sex isnt always just about romance, either...sometimes its like eating or sleeping...you just need it to keep you sane...its so healthy for you mentally and physically....my answer....try to shower together.....my husband and I use our daily shower together as a time to talk uninterupted...and we wash eachothers hair...those small things that remind us that we are US..and it then usually turns into sex....
try to think all day about those things that turn you on...that put you in the mood.. we women dont just turn on like our mates do...it takes us a bit more to get started...so spend some mental down time just thinking about sex...think about how it was when your relationship was young and you couldnt get enough of eachother...think of the small things he does or smells or the way it feels when he touches you...
Most importantly...talk to eachother...more frequently than every 6 months...talk about the things you like or what he can to help get you into the mood without making you feel like your pressured...
Good luck!!!

Answer 10

Tell him work out only 3 times a week. Get a sexy outfit and day he wants to work out and its not 1 of the 3 new work out days tell him your be at a bar. He see you in the sexy outfit if he loves you he will not work out. Don't cheat but make him not want men looking at you in sexy outfit and him not around