My ex-wife has recently informed me that she would like to see if we could get back together again. We have been divorced for 8 years. We have a 12 yr old son. We have remained friends since the divorce and have had very few disagreements. I still have love in my heart for her. She still has love in her heart for me. But here is the onion ...I am scared to death to open my heart back up to her because she utterly destroyed it with her infidelity during our marriage. Can a person change? If she cheated once, will she not cheat again? Can a person truly change what they consider to be morally acceptable? Now here is the garlic to go with the onion; I am in a relationship now with a wonderful lady who loves me dearly. But there are two problems with that. First, she lives in another state, and second I love her but not nearly to the point I once loved my Ex. I am very confused. My ex keeps pressing and I keep side stepping. What is a poor fool to do?
2007-02-12 10:33:09 · 17 answers · asked by badsanta40 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
People can learn and grow from past mistakes. It has been 8 years. Get together and talk about the possibilities. Remind her about what caused the failure and make sure she has learned her lessons.
If you still have feelings for the woman get her a shot. She is the mother of your child and sure your child would be thrilled if mommy and daddy became hubby and wiffy again.
A nice long exploratory conversation will not hurt anyone. The seed has been planted. If you are confused then do nothing until you know how you really feel.
People do change everyday never forget that: why do you think we have words maturity and wisdom. Experience does mean something in life.
2007-02-12 10:48:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, make sure you discuss your expectations for the relationship. For example, NO CHEATING! Do both of you have the same expectations? Second, go to couples counseling. Third, find a marriage enrichment group (usually at churches) and attend regularly. Fourth, make an ongoing commitment to marriage enrichment in general - read books, go to conferences, etc. Fifth, go to counseling periodically whether you need it or not just to clear the air.
In a nutshell, GO FOR IT! Yes, there is a chance you may have your beating heart ripped from your chest (I have been there! It hurts like hell!) again! But, I think it is worth it! If you do not seize this, you may forever wonder what type of life you could have had with your ex-wife and son.
I wish you the best!
2007-02-12 15:02:03 · answer #2 · answered by Richard B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not give up what you have to jump back with the ex. The reason you have not reached the level of connection with the current than you did with the ex is because the ex destroyed a piece of your heart and your are skeptical to allow yourself be hurt again - as you stated with getting back with the one whom hurt you.
As far as if people can change....yes they can and we all know we can. Putting ones faith in another when they did one of the most hurtful things to us is difficult at best. Unfortunately, this comes down to a personal call, but I would not trust anyone whom cheated on me. Cheat me once, you WILL cheat on me again. It has happened to me, and I have been on both sides of it. Cheating is a relationship killer and tro go back to her is a bad call, especially if you have someone now. You have to ask, WHY she want this now? Why so pushy? If she waited 8 years, she can wait some longer whil you actually have some fun with the new girl. She is being selfish and it is not fair to ask you to sabotage your relationship and happiness just beacause SHE has decided to take YOU back.
2007-02-12 11:24:57 · answer #3 · answered by njsnowrider 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is just the kind of story I love hearing around Valentine's Day. You two have a son together and if there is love in your hearts for each other then please give your relationship another chance. Hopefully she has asked for forgiveness and hopefully you have forgiven her. The two of you by now should of learned from past things what not to do or how to act. You two have been given a second chance here. Run with it. It would be wonderful it it works out for you, her and especially your son. The greatest gift parents can give to their children is to love and be with the other parent. Have a wonderful Valentine's Day!
2007-02-12 10:43:29 · answer #4 · answered by Tgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think perhaps you need to ask yourself, why is the ex pressing you, after 8 years? Is she without a man right now, and can't get by without one???? Is the fact that you've met a wonderful woman prodded her to do this? There is a reason the two of you are not together, and there is probably more to her cheating...does she swear that she's changed? Has she cheated on anyone else since the two of you divorced? Need more info...
2007-02-12 10:44:23 · answer #5 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You may want to consider couples therapy before you decide to get back together. If she cheated once, that's not a good thing...but then, it's not the end of the world and she may have redeemed herself. Eight years is a long time, especially if she only cheated once. I've grown a lot in eight years; haven't you? Could she have grown and matured in eight years?
An important question you need to ask yourself: "Who do I want to raise my son?" If you don't get back together with your ex, there is a chance that there will be other men in her life, which means other men in your son's life. As the mother of a 16 year old boy, I cannot express enough how important the dad -- you -- are to him and to his development as a man.
2007-02-12 10:45:24 · answer #6 · answered by marianne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I for one think this is great!!! Go for it and try it again. Take things slow and be friends at first. Yes i feel a person can change. Do not get serious with her again however till you see for sure if she has changed or not. I think you need to follow your heart and take your time here. You have to choose which woman you want to be with and to have a relationship with. Slow things down for a while with both until you can make up your mind. I wish you the best:)
2007-02-12 10:52:08 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you may be able to forgive your ex wife but not forget what she did to you. I don't think starting over with someone who cheated is a wise decision, I think that will just add more stress to the relationship, and eventually it will fail. As for the new person in your life, I have someone close to my heart, very close to my heart that is going through that, and while you try to love that new person, it may never reach the same level as before, but give it a chance. You never know.
2007-02-13 02:54:07 · answer #8 · answered by Cute Stuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well....only you can answer that question...but what kind of relationship are you getting back in to if she is pressuring you to make a decision..if SHE wants YOU back then you cant allow her to call the shots..try just dating for now..start fresh with her don't just hit the ground running, after all you have been divorced for some time now..and yes some people do change...feel out the situation before making major life changes
2007-02-12 10:43:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't
You already have a relationship, and it wouldn't be fair to the new love interest to just ditch her, especially if you don't know if it's going to work out.
As much as you care for her, she had her chance, and it sounds like she's sidling back because there were alot more sharks in the sea than she remembered.
2007-02-12 10:39:01 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋