I want to ask my b/f of 5 yrs. to marry me.He is 22 and i 'am almost 20...young i know,but very much in love.So im wondering if it's okay to pop the quest. to him...we live together and have for about a yr. we have talked about getting married and when I ask him he always replys with a "yea" but then changes the subject. Not that he does intentially,everyone is telling me i should wait on him to ask me but im a very anxiouse girl and if someone doesn't do something then i make sure i get it done! So do you think it's a bad idea? i was going to wait till this summer....but i guess im just afraid of being turned down...and i dont know if its okay? we do argue like everyone but we have our ups too. so how would i pop the quest.while letting him know that we dont have to get started on a family right now and everything? im soo confused on how, where, and when to do it....thanks for your help!
2007-02-12 10:31:06 · 15 answers · asked by krissy b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'll admit that I'm silly. Ive asked my boyfriend that I've been dating for several months and that I've moved in with already to marry me. He says yes all of the time, and in a way I'm serious. I love him. But in other ways I'm just messing with him. I don't think it would be too early for us to get married, but I would rather get to know him better and have him know me better. I wouldn't be against getting engaged right now and then waiting several years to see if we work, if we do, then woohoo right? Yeah. I think you should do it if you're 100% sure that you can do it. If you have doubts, then that means something. Do what you feel is right. Good luck.
2007-02-12 10:36:56 · answer #1 · answered by Girl, Empty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's always hard to answer these types of questions, because we really don't know what type of situation you are in, and giving us some details really doesn't help much. Five years is defintely an impressive time, but you are right- you are both very young. And being in love isn't all you need for a real relationship. Getting married won't only be a joy- it will give you a lot more responsibility, and of course- comittment. Are you really ready for that? The way he always changes the subject, whether intenionally or not, is giving you a hint. If he isn't positive about getting married now, you might be pushing your luck by asking him. Talk to him about it again and see what he says. Marriage is just like your first boyfriend- you try to keep it secret, but before long EVERYONE knows. Which brings the question: How does your family feel about this? His family? You're probably still in college- maybe he is too. Don't you want to think about a career before rushing into a life changing relationship?
Think about how such a big change would affect your life. I hope I'm not being harsh, but marriage is really a huge deal. Are you going to settle for a little backyard ceremony, or do you want a big, expensive bash? You have to take these things into consideration.
The best thing you can do is to talk to him about it. You may want to suprise him, but it will be uncomfortable and hurtful for both of you if he isn't ready and you propose. So talk about it. If you want you can just walk up to the bed after brushing your teeth one night and just say, " I want to get married. What do you think?". It doesn't matter how you do it, but you should do it when he has space for an opinon and not just a yes or no.
Hope this helps!
2007-02-12 10:45:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't "propose" to him... But there's nothing wrong with bringing up the subject more "forcefully"; just ask him, what would he think about setting a date and starting to plan to get married. Be more specific in your statement or question - don't simply ask "what do you think of us getting married one day", to which he would answer yeah and change the subject; but ask instead in terms of a date/timeline ("what do you think about getting married this summer?") Don't be afraid to "push" a little - but not too much. Also, have a plan B in mind in case he is clearly not willing/not ready to get married. Are you willing to wait? How long of a wait is "too long" for you? Would you continue with this relationship even if ir became clear that he doesn't want to marry you? Figure these things out for yourself first, then you will feel more in control of what goes on in your relationship. Most of all, remember - he's not the last person you ever stand a chance of meeting; if at some point you come to the conclusion that his goals are different from yours, be ready to move on, don't be afraid. Good luck.
2007-02-12 10:50:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not think you should ask him to marry you. I may be old fashion, but I think it is the man’s place to ask the question. I do however think that it is something the two of you should discuss. He may want to marry you, but is just not ready yet. Then again he could be just hanging on to see if something better comes along. Do not "propose" but do have a good talk about marriage.
2007-02-12 10:46:53 · answer #4 · answered by badsanta40 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey... If he just says "yeah" when you mention it, he is either not ready or you are not the one. You probably should not have moved in with him at that age. He has a lot of growing to do (especially as a guy). I want to caution you of one thing and please listen to me. IF YOU ASK HIM TO MARRY YOU, YOU ARE TAKING AWAY HIS MASCULINITY. In years to come when his macho guy friends happen to ask how he asked you to marry him....he will have to say you were the "man" and did it. You cannot force this. You can hint that you would like to get married.....if he does not ask you, asking him will not change his mind. Please don't let a precious memory be taken from both you and him. A proposal should be a beautiful and traditional thing and not forced. Good luck.
2007-02-12 10:43:10 · answer #5 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly, im not saying this because i dont think a girl should ask a guy, because if the circumstances were right, i would say go for it, but if you have brought it up and he wont talk about it, then i wouldnt ask him. wait it out a little long. i know you are anxious, but wait until you have been living together a little longer. giv eit another 6 - 12 months, then if he hasnt asked you, ask him.
2007-02-12 10:34:55 · answer #6 · answered by bassdog65 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in this day and age, it's okay for the women to ask the man.
years ago, my now mother-in-law made me make her a promise, at the time i promised i didn't know what she wanted, but she's a sweetheart and i trusted her. she made me promise to ask her son to marry me. it took me a few months, but i got it done. we are going to celebrate our 7 th anniversary next month.
when the time is right you'll know. you can plan it if you want, but i like spontaneous. just blurt it out.
good luck
2007-02-12 10:44:19 · answer #7 · answered by bmoline 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry to fast. You are still very young. Don't force your friend in a marriage or you are faster divorced than married.
2007-02-12 10:42:10 · answer #8 · answered by charly brown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wait till after valentines day cause he may be planing to ask u if he doesnt go for it
2007-02-12 10:34:03 · answer #9 · answered by wassup 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you go girl!! But you have to prepare for the worst too in case he turns you down. But if you wanna do it, just do it :D
2007-02-12 10:36:42 · answer #10 · answered by justanickname 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋