My husband has a child with another woman. They have supervised visitations and I am not allowed to go.I feel so hurt that I cannot be included in these visits but she said she doesn't want stangers around I really think that she is trying to make my life miserable. I dont know what to do I feel like I am going crazy We are going to go to marriage counseling but has anyone ever been in this situation and how did you handle it. I want to make my place that I am going to be here and there is nothing that she can do to stop me. I want her to know that I am not going anywhere.
2007-02-12 10:25:12 · 5 answers · asked by tkara 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The supervised visits are because she is only 2 and she crys when her mother is not with they are only until she realizes who her father is. I know that the visits are for him and the child but I want to be included I have never seen her. She is my stepdaughter and I love her even though I don't know her and it hurts.
2007-02-12 10:51:21 · update #1
I have never seen his ex either nor have I ever talked to her I have only seen her in pictures that she sent my husband of her and their daughter.
2007-02-12 10:53:31 · update #2
I agree it's very frustrating for you, but you've got to let it go. No matter how much you think you love this step-daughter that you've never met, you've got to remember that you have no rights regarding her. Seeing the child will not show the mother that you are here to stay, etc.
The visits are for the girl to see her father, not you. No matter how much it hurts you, it's just the fact. Actually, alot of women would give anything to not have to lay eyes on the ex or the step-kids! {laughing} Believe me, those cute little baby step-daughters can grow up into horrible teens that will hate you and resent you.
If you nag your husband about this issue, he'll probably get defensive and it will drive a wedge between you. Is this really worth sacrificing your marriage over? Get over it and get on with your life. Have you considered having kids of your own? If so, once you do, you won't care as much over not visiting your step-daughter.
You might consider joining these groups for step-mothers. The members can give you advice and support. Alot of them are dealing with crazy ex's who use the kids as weapons against their husbands:
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Step-Support/
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/stepmoms/
Good Luck!
2007-02-12 17:39:16 · answer #1 · answered by Ruby V 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesnt sound like shes trying to make your life miserable as much as she just want you to replace her as the childs mother. Shes being protective as not to force a showdown between you two in front of the child. There must be some friction already as per the supervised visits and no sense making an already tense situation worse. I dont really see the reason for the marriage counselor unless there is more here than you wish to tell. You have the problem, not your marriage. It sounds like you maybe a little jealous of the situation and the childs mother is not trying to get to you in any way or form. Concentrate on what you can change and leave the rest alone. Good luck
2007-02-12 18:42:54 · answer #2 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is a reason for the supervised visits. She's not trying to make your life miserable......it isn't about you. It's about her child. You need to keep that in mind. There is usually a reason, and not a good one, for someone to only have supervised visitation with their child. I think your husband has some explaining to do, or you have some further explaining to do here.
2007-02-12 18:38:42 · answer #3 · answered by ksgirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not your child, so why do you care? Why aren't you allowed to go? I'm curious about that. Sounds like a similar situation I know of, and the husbands new wife was being abusive to his kid, and so they made it so she can't be around the kid at all when he's got visitation. Why aren't they letting you be there? You didn't explain that.
2007-02-12 18:30:18 · answer #4 · answered by Jenny m 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the woman (lets call her X) probably does not want to let go of your husband. A lot of women, after having a baby with their ex, want to get back together with them to create the ideal family. They want their baby to grow up with a mommy and daddy around to see them off to school, or nurse when they have the flu. If you have a child, isn't that what you always want. and if you don't, isn't thet what you would want them to have? Your husband probably wants to include you, but would you want to include your husband if you had a baby with someone? You would probabaly feel awkward and out of place if you did go to these meetings with your husband and his child. Just think of it like this, the baby is meeting his/her daddy and how confusing would that be if you were there? What would happen if the baby started calling you mama (possibility) instead of her real mama?
My suggestion would be to maybe talk to X, tell her how you feel. Don't accuse her of making your life miserable, she may have her reasons. Try practicing what you will say to her by putting yourself in her shoes. have you maybe not excepetd her in the past like Felicity Huffmans character on Desperate houswives? Maybe when you thought you were being gracious, you wernt gracious enough. I know that you think " i was perfectly nice and gracious" but were you? I suggest you talk this out with her and don't forget to include your husband. remember to not appear needy of attention, and to state your facts calmly. Don't loose your cool, and also talk to your husband about how you feel.
hope this helps
2007-02-12 18:42:38 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋