Should I give my hubby another chance?

Question

My husband has a drug problem he is the best dad, husband and son. He has the biggest heart but he got caught up in drugs its been up and down for 14 years. he is in recovery again! I love him with all my heart and I know deep inside he wants to change but I'm scared to be let down once again by his promises. Please give me some advice I can work with.

Answer 1

The only thing I can tell you to do is to tell him a drug addict is not welcome in the home. If he is clean, you would love to have him back. But if he falls off the wagon - ever - even once more, that's the end of it.

Pick some date - like June 1. Tell him after that day - he has to be clean forever.

If you MEAN BUSINESS and are serious - well, then just see if he can do it. If not, you HAVE to boot him.

Answer 2

Yes i feel you should give him another chance and support him in his recovery. Encourage and praise him when he does good and is off of the drugs. Do not bring him down or ever bring up the past in his face. You have to trust God for him and pray that God will change his heart and ways. Seek counseling for you as well so you can learn how to better deal with him and this marriage and the things that have hurt you in the past. I also recommend marriage counseling for the both of you. Go to some drug rehabilitation classes with him and be supportive and loving. You be a strong shoulder he can lean on through the hard times.

http://www.drphil.com

Answer 3

So somebody gives me this cake it is really good, but part of it has manuere in it. Do I throw away the bad part and keep the good part? Or do I throw away the whole thing?

I know that seems kind of harsh. But he is an addict, the children of Addicts are more likely to be addicts. It is time for you to think of the well being of your children. Can you say Drugs are bad, when you allow thier Druggie father to live in the house with you? I don't think so. I was married to an Alcholic. I know what you mean about being let down. I think that if I were you, I would split. But you just focus on your children, watch him closely if you can see that he truely has changed, and his attitude will change if he has, then maybe you can get back together, but give it several years. Just think of the influence it will have on your children if you stay married to a druggie, the will mostlikely become druggies too.

Answer 4

You need to know straight up that a drug addict is NOT the best dad, is NOT the best husband and is NOT the best son. He can't be any of those while he's hooked on dope. There goes his money, there goes his brain, there goes his priority. You can't help him. This is one thing he has to do for himself and if he hasn't conquered it in 14 years, it's not likely to happen overnight. What you decide to do is your choice but you are cheating yourself and your children of the kind of life you all should have.

Answer 5

Do not enable his behaviour. Make it clear that you need an equal partner. One that can be strong for you, a role model for your children, one that can whole-heartedly say they'll be around for you and your kids' future, one that carries through on promises and committments.

He needs to take care of himself and his addiction issues BEFORE he can take care of his family. In my mind, his long-term addiction is affecting you and your kids' psychological well-being. Give him the option and hope he chooses life and his family.

It sounds like you have been thus far pretty forgiving, but allowing him to be a user and continue as a partner in the relationship you have with him, tells him, through actions, that it is ok to NOT kick the habit for the long-term.

Get serious and think about you and your kids' future. Most simply: you love him, but need to cognitively DECIDE that you need a clean husband for all of your futures.

Be firm and willing to work on things with him through joint counselling, perhaps, but he needs to carry the ball partially on his own by successfully committing to recovery. Do not allow him to impact and jeopardize what you two have and can have in the future.

Your decison will inevitably test your courage and strength. I wish you good luck, happiness, and peace.

Answer 6

prepare him which you're no longer to any extent further a push-over and tell him to stay out of your existence. in case you have incredibly tried each thing else and not something worked out then there is not any way that this is going to be any diverse. He is conscious which you will constantly take him back and allow him in till he gets waiting to depart back. positioned your foot down missy and allow him comprehend which you deserve greater valuable. which you're a greater valuable individual and you need to not stay in worry. you're additionally putting all this stress on your little ones that they do no longer disturb. you would be ok on your individual and you will detect a guy who loves you and could look when you and the youngsters. You need to be with a guy like that. You deserve lots greater valuable! basically save your head held severe this time and deny letting him in. look after your little ones and allow HIM flow!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

only if he's clean give him another chance if you really love your husband but don't let him stay if he messes with any more drugs he don't need them around the kid's it's illlegal also

Answer 8

All you can do is try to help and encourage him. He really has to want to get off the drugs, but with your help he can do it. I know it is scary, but give him a chance to change, sicne he wants to. Good luck.

Answer 9

the best advice I can give you is to get professional help for you and your children to help you deal with this....protect yourself, your family and your assets.....your husband needs your love but you really can't help him....good luck

Answer 10

I would say to keep giving him chances as long as he keep trying. Once he stops TRYING, you have permission to stop supporting.
Good luck