wanting to have a baby. he wants to wait till we have more money, but i think no matter how much you prepare it is never enough. He is in school fixing to graduate in may. we both work as well. I know we are going to be great parents. I have worked in childcare for 5 years and love everyminute of it. I also have a little sister with a 20 year gap who I keep on a regular basis so i am aware of the changes a baby brings. should I keep trying to express my desire for a child with my husband or just push my feelings aside and let it go.
2007-02-12 09:00:34 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
This was totally our problem 10 years ago. Almost exactly. You are 100% correct in that he will never feel completely ready for having a baby. Heck, even after we tried for 1.5 years, when she finally got prego I freaked.
Oh yeah, keep in mind that if you have been on BC for a long time, it is possible it may take months to get pregnant. In our case it turns out I had slow sperm, so I had to take drugs to fix thing.
But, here is the compelling argument you can make to him. And this is coming from a guy. The longer you wait the older you are when you start getting your freedom back. Have kids at 25, and you are able to have fun again at 40ish. Wait till you are 30, and that becomes 45ish, wait until you are 35 and you are 50. Look at the end of the process not the beginning and trust me, he'll realize that you want to get started ASAP. Oh, and he should have known that you guys were going to have kids when you got married, so guess what, time to put out.
2007-02-12 09:14:20 · answer #1 · answered by javelin 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you this - the more ready you THINK you are for a baby, the bigger shock it is when the baby comes. NOBODY is ready.
You and your husband must agree. Unless you are really struggling, I say there is no time like the present.
Have as much fun as you can trying to get pregnant.
EDIT I can tell you this - being poor with children was better in a way. All the furniture in our house was crap, everything we could afford was cheap junk anyways. So the kids wrecking it wasn't such a big deal. If you make your house into a musuem or have a great car, the bigger the catastrophe is when your kid dumps paint all over the $3000 sofa.
The sooner you have your kids the sooner you have your teenagers and the sooner you have adult children. I am glad I had my kids young. Life is looking great - I will have my 40s and beyond without kids in the house and will be young enough to REALLY enjoy my grandchildren.
OH and one more thing - don't get pregnant on purpose if you have "agreed" you would not (i.e no intentional accidents). You will damage your relationship forever.
2007-02-12 09:07:12 · answer #2 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying to drop how you feel, but I do understand your husband's defense. I do believe that you need to be financially stable because babies cost more money that you can believe. I know you say you've had experience with your sister and the children at your job, but really with kids, you can never have enough.
Pushing your husband may cause a conflict in your marriage and you dont want to do that. if you wait a bit more to have a baby, you wont lose out on anything. If anything, you will build your relationship with him and you two will be strong and have no problem providing for your new healthy family.
2007-02-12 09:09:44 · answer #3 · answered by Selma 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in a kind of similar boat right now...Me and my husband have been married for just 5 months and lately I have been going crazy wanting a baby so bad.
My husband is not in school, but he also wants to wait a few years before we have children...
My suggestion is to let your husband know how you feel (that you want to have a child) but also repect his point of view of wanting to wait. Maybe you can come up with an agreement somewhere in the middle, for example if you want kids now and he wants them in 3 years agree to start trying in about a year and a half.
Also, have open conversations with our husband and make sure he wants to have children as well.
2007-02-12 09:08:24 · answer #4 · answered by JesJ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you should wait, just a few more months, let him graduate and get things settled down, and then you bring it up again.
Regardless of how much money you have, or anything like that, having a baby is a huge change, and some people dont realize that they want something like that until they have it.
2007-02-12 09:05:53 · answer #5 · answered by B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait at least 'till he graduates from school and have a job before you begin to talk about having children. The question is not whether either of you will make great parents, the question is are both of you financially ready.
2007-02-12 09:08:06 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until you're both ready. At the bare minimum he should get done with his school and get a better job (isn't that the reason why people go to school in the first place?). When you have your child, are you willing to let someone else raise him/her? Would you still be "prepared" if you stopped working?
Wait it out, he's being very rational here and you're being hormonal (which is normal for women, which is why men are the rational ones when it comes to this kind of stuff).
2007-02-12 09:31:36 · answer #7 · answered by calliope320 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
From what i read. . . I don't think its the right time to have a baby right now, but like you said " no matter how much you prepare its never enough" . Maybe your husband isn't ready to have a baby, maybe he wants to settle down first and then start a family.
2007-02-12 09:11:01 · answer #8 · answered by MoN!c@ 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I think you should continue to try. You never know what the future holds. Enjoy it while you can and have your children while you are young enough to enjoy chasing after them.
Take advantage of your younger years while you have them and try to convince him to do the same.
Perhaps you can try to make him see the logic in that scenario. The longer you wait, the more chances you have to deal with unanticipated and unavoidable circumstances and situations that may preclude raising children in a healthy, happy environment.
Also, the younger you are, the better your chances of uncomplicated childbirth and delivery.
2007-02-12 09:09:52 · answer #9 · answered by Leroy 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you that no matter how much you prepare, it is NEVER enough!!! i think you should start trying now, it may take up to 6 months on average to conceive. But more importantly, you must learn that phrases such as "he is in school fixing to graduate" is NOT correct grammar prior to raising a child!
2007-02-12 09:16:06 · answer #10 · answered by pumperola 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋