My husband and I both love children, all of my life I have wanted to be a mommy, but I can't have children. We have talked about adopting, but he really doesn't like the idea of having somebody else's baby... He keeps bringing home animals to help me to cope with not having children...What should I do?????????
2007-02-12 08:57:37 · 18 answers · asked by yep-it-is-me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You do have options, but they are immaterial, until both you and your husband get on the same page. OK, you both love children. But, you can't have kids. So, it won't be just a do-it-yourself project. LOL So, if you two have kids, they won't be yours, biologically. Your husband apparently doesn't want to adopt. Soooo, he brings home puppies????? Lady, are you married to the right guy? Didn't you two discuss this before marriage? Or, was your inability a suprise? Regardless, you want kids. Is your husband going to help and support this effort? Or, is it- "Natural way, or no way." I hope he realizes that for many women, this would be a deal breaker. I suspect it may be for you folks too. Good luck.
2007-02-12 09:16:19 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't have any children and don't adopt if he is uncomfortable.... the world doesn't need any more anyway. Go back to school, and get a job. OR
Alternatively, you might be able to carry one, if you still have a uterus, or fertility clinics can do such things as use his sperm to fertilize donated eggs, and you two can then "rent a womb".... All of this becomes extremely expensive, of course..... The problem with adoption is that many of the caucasion kids up for adoption are crack babies or meth babies, and you are not told that...... adoption in this country is a joke..... that is why many couples opt out of caucasion kids, and adopt from central and south America, as well as China.
As an example, several years ago, a child under the age of 1 was adopted by several families, only to be returned. A couple finally kept this baby, and years went by before they realized the kid was severely damaged.... learning difficulties were just a clue.... by the time the kid was 18, he was a mess, and committed suicide. Orange County in California was aware of his health issues, but did not share them.... the couple sued and won, but it was little comfort 20 years later, was it????
2007-02-12 09:23:01 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, if you can't have your own kids, and you don't want to adopt - you just have to come to terms with the fact that you will never be a parent; I mean, what else is there to do? I don't know if you have pursued the whole fertility clinic route - perhaps if you're desperate enough you might want to dig deeper into what other options you might have. Animals are good, but they will never "replace" children - nor you should expect them to. Coming to terms with the life without kids may be your only option. There are plenty of things to enjoy in this life.
2007-02-12 10:30:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me ask a question that I am sure you will find rude, yet I mean seriously.
WHY CANT YOU JUST ACCEPT THAT YOU CANT HAVE CHILDREN AND THEN LET IT GO?
Look, there are things each of us have hoped for, wanted, wished for, dreamed of, etc, which we have not had or gotten and possibly never will. Many times, we have found out later it is a blessing that we didnt get some or all of what we wanted or asked for.
So all your life you wanted to be a Mommy? So what? All of a blind persons life they have wanted to see too. All a deaf persons life they wished to hear. We all have disappointments and unrealized dreams or wants.
You know, in my opinion, you are making a classic mistake here. You are being selfish and consumed with what you want rather then realizing that maybe being childless is a blessing you dont understand yet. Maybe you are not realizing what God may have in store or what he is trying to save your from.
I know a women who was desperate to have a kid. They finally adopted. Now this couple is continually on the verge of cheating or divorce. Do you think that is good for the kid or them? To be honest, I told her she was selfish and only wanted what she wanted, never considering just how life might actually be on the kids part. She now sees that. But it is too late and this kid will likely grow up being taught all the wrong things.
I am not trying to be heartless here. I am simply tired of people thinking they can circumvent God and how he made things, without ending up worse off and likely making others worse off with them. Be thankful for the blessing you do have. Learn to be content in the circumstances and situations you find yourself in. If you do that, you will find life so much better and more fulfilling then you ever dreamed of.
2007-02-12 09:15:59 · answer #4 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Adopting is a wonderful thing. However, if you really think you cannot love "someone else's baby" as your own (I have two stepchildren myself and they are *my* kids as far as I am concerned) then I don't know what else to say.
Your choices are adopt or not. What else is there? Animals won't fill the void.
If this is a deal-breaker for him....time to break the deal. It sounds harsh, but if he is bent on fathering children, he will leave eventually.
I sincerely hope he accepts this reality and you can adopt a child.
2007-02-12 09:04:18 · answer #5 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes look into a surrogate mom. And if that isn't possible then there are so many children out there that need loving homes, and someone that will care for them. Do not deny yourself the pleasure of being a mom just because they don't come from your womb. Some of the best moms in the world never birthed a child in their lives. Good luck to you honey.
2007-02-12 09:05:21 · answer #6 · answered by Angela K 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband is adopted, as are all of his siblings. So was the mother of one of my bosses, and the daughter of one of my cousins. There's really no "someone else's baby" to it, they're your children from the day you bring them home. He really should be more open to the idea.
2007-02-12 09:26:27 · answer #7 · answered by calliope320 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How do you know you can not have children? Have you been to specialists and have they tried everything within your means to conceive? I think it is in men's nature to try to fix things especially when they don't know what else to do. He is only trying to help, however crazy that sounds. I think both of you should sit down and have a heart to heart on how you would like to spend the rest of your lives together. Tell him the pets are not going to provide you the comfort you seek...and that if it is true that you are unable to conceive, both of you need to heal and let go of the dream of having biological children together.
2007-02-12 09:00:30 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
People that say they cannot love "someone else's baby" irritate the hell out of me. A child is a child...new or used! I might be afraid of some of the silly adoption laws, but never of loving someone else's baby.
If I were you I would talk to a family counselor. I personally think your husband sounds terribly selfish.
2007-02-12 09:11:09 · answer #9 · answered by Bev 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Consider yerself LUCKY... kids are a major pain in the A*s... I honestly dont know wy anyone would wanna have em.. but thats just my opine...
2007-02-12 09:12:57 · answer #10 · answered by darchangel_3 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋