I'm engaged to a man with no sex drive whatsoever! We have been together for two years now, and our sex life has been on a rapid decline from the beginning. He is my best friend, and I could not imagine my life without him... but we have no sex life or intimacy! I mean if i could sleep with another man and come back home to him I think I would be fine. Yet, I know our relationship would be over if he ever found out, and I'm not willing to take the risk. We've had lengthy discussions and he apologizes, but he's not sure what to do... he just doesn't have those feelings towards me or anyone for that matter. No he's not cheating, no it's not porn (trust me I've looked into all of that) lol. What do I do?! I need SEX! I need to feel that closeness and excitement. I need to feel like a woman again instead of just someones best friend! Any advice? Please help I'm desperate! BTW I'm 26 and he's 30 if age matter.
2007-02-12 08:37:20 · 11 answers · asked by irishpolskilove 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
As founder of SWAGE I can attest to the hell of being a sexual person married to an asexual (person that doesn't like sex).
After the years you begin to feel like "what's the point of living with someone who acts like a roommate, not a spouse.
You're luck y to find this out now, before you are married. My spouse told be the sex would be great AFTER we got married... huh! that proved to be untrue.
Run away ... and find someone who matches your sex drive. Avoid a hellish existence.
If you want to talk to other currently living in a sex drive mismatch marriage, come on a visit us.
2007-02-12 09:03:17 · answer #1 · answered by JRSK007 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
See, you are exhibiting just what I say of women all the time. You are being given clear signs as to how this man is, yet you somehow want something other then him. You wish him to change, be different, act differently or so forth. Or you will say much of what you said above, only to in the end be disappointed and mad at him, even when he has remained the same. If he isnt what you want or can deal with, get out of the engagement. Do not try to kid yourself, tell yourself stories, believe he will change or anything else. By doing so you will not only be disappointed but you will hate him for your own choices.
He is him and he has a right to be just who and how he is. You can either decide to marry him as he is or you can say bye. That simple. Your choice. He may change, he may not. He doesnt even know that. But you wont change him nor do you have a right to do so.
I must also add this. If you do marry him, no matter how sexless he may be, you had clear warning and still decided to commit to him. So you will have no excuse to demand, be pissed or to cheat later. Remember this, people only change when THEY think they should and THEY find that THEY have a good reason to do so and then are willing to do so.
Next, few people are everything we wish for, hope for, desire. People are just what they are. Humans, frail, imperfect. No matter how good someone is, they will still disappoint you in some manner, as you will them.
2007-02-12 08:53:22 · answer #2 · answered by Mr. JW 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have suffered with this with my husband on and off for the past 2 years. I understand totally. But communication is the key. A good sex therapist is another idea. We have tried both and let me tell you it is a TOUCHY subject. But some of the very recent explanations I've got from my husband about his low sex drive are these: he has lost interest because he is tired of not being able to make me climax (it's about 50% of the time) and he says not only has it made him feel inadequate and stressed, but he can't enjoy the physical pleasure of sex because he's so focused on me. The other reason is his stress about the business he is trying to start. it's a rollercoaster and he's constantly looking for clients. This has opened up a new door for us, because NOW we can figure out HOW to solve those two problems.
Be sensitive. It's SO difficult, I know. Women need that connection and intimacy......and just need that physical satisfaction like every one else. But know this ahead of time......before you marry him......get to the bottom of this before you marry him. It will not magically go away by itself and it will lead to bitterness in time.
I have also found a wonderful sex therapist who I drive 45 minutes to see and I think that if we go consistantly she will be a wonderful help to us.
2007-02-12 09:17:54 · answer #3 · answered by paintgirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suggest Viagra maybe that will help. Please don't cheat on your man because he doesn't have a sex drive. If he isn't willing to get help for the both of you maybe you two should call off the engagement if you two are going to play the role of best friends instead of husband and wife. Tell him you want him to get help for this problem and if he is willing to get help that stand by him if not then i think it would be best for you to break up.
2007-02-12 08:57:33 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sex is important to a healthy relationship. It provides intimacy as well as wonderful adult pleasure. Perhaps he has intimacy issues...or a childhood trauma that keeps him from wanting to become intimate. I would encourage him to seek out help for this. And I would also put off making a date for the wedding...this is something that should be dealt with a long time before you two say your vows.
2007-02-12 09:15:45 · answer #5 · answered by Laceyfromcali 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he wants to change, he probably should seek medical treatment or some type of therapy. If he doesn't want to change, you could either decide to live with it and be miserable for a very long time or give him up for another man. It simply depends on what's most important to you-being with the one you love, or being fulfilled and learning to love someone else.
2007-02-12 09:01:01 · answer #6 · answered by Leroy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should talk with him. Try to arrange a night out together. Get someone to look after the kids. You need time away from the normal day to day stuff to chat. I think you should try to get to the issue at hand rather than him just not paying attention to you. Something is behind it. Try to talk without blaming just be honest and open. Worse thing will be you decide to part. But you need to do this. Take care
2016-03-29 03:49:48 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek out a therapist who deals specifically with these types of issues.
I would be very reticent about entering into this marriage with such a drastic difference in sex drive. Physical needs are just as important as emotional ones and you need to address tis with your hubby (soon to be hubby).
Again, find a therapist who specializes in this.
2007-02-12 08:50:29 · answer #8 · answered by jw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to decide whether or not this is a deal breaker.
If you go and get married, don't cry about it later.
Does he know that this problem exists?
Maybe he feels he shouldn't have sex with you anymore until you are married?
Hash this out. Well.
2007-02-12 09:10:46 · answer #9 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wonder, I know u said he has no desire towards u.
But maybe he is not interested in u because u may be the wrong sex?
I don't know. Good luck.
2007-02-12 09:25:01 · answer #10 · answered by RR77 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋