How can you learn to live with an appearance you hate?

Question

Husband says cosmetic surgery is too expensive - and I cannot pursue or debate this with him, I haven't the energy anymore. He doesn't understand... which, for reasons I won't say here, is EXTREMELY ironic. He says 'I'm beautiful'... his opinion doesn't matter... not in my mind's eye... I'm too tired to explain this to him, money is all he cares about anyway... I mean, who cares if I can't look in the mirror, right? I guess the bright side is that self-loathing is free...

So now, I have to reconcile myself to living with an appearance I HATE. I cannot stand the way I look. How do I fix this?

Answer 1

You will still have to live with your Self if you resort to surgery.
Learn to love YourSelf first, then see if you want the surgery.
Start with Mental Health Counseling.

Answer 2

Everyone feels they have flaws (and of course, most of us do!) that they'd like to have fixed one way or another. But I'm concerned about your vehemence that you generally hate your appearance. Obviously, unless you are tragically disfigured by a disease or accident, you are probably like the rest of us---you likely have some lovely features and some that are not as lovely.

But the fact that you are obsessed with your flaws tells me that your problems go deeper than maybe having a big nose or imperfect skin. I have to wonder if your problem isn't physical, but psychological.

I would suggest that you have a makeover done to downplay your flaws and play up your better features and see how that makes you feel. If you still feel so awful about your appearance, you might want to consider seeking professional counseling to determine why you are so down on yourself. Perhaps after a few sessions you will see yourself more realistically. Then, if you still want to have a flaw fixed, then get a job (or a second job) and pay for it yourself. You don't need your husband's permission to do it if you pay for it yourself.

Just remember that getting a new nose or fuller lips is not going to change your life. You are still going to be you, no matter what you look like. If you go into it expecting that the heavens will open and your life will suddenly change because of a new bra cup size, then you are setting yourself up for a serious crash.

Answer 3

It seems you have two choices.
Change your appearance.
Change your thinking/feeling about your appearance.

Changing your appearance might be the only way to fix this for you. My sister's breasts were enormous and she had them surgically reduced. Best thing she ever did, she says, and not having them reduced was not an option for her. Her husband didn't want them reduced but it was her body and she paid for it so he had no say. He didn't have to understand, he had to put up with it. If you are not financially dependent on your husband then he has no say (or shouldn't have).

Changing your thinking/feeling about how you look can be achieved through counseling. It can be a long, difficult process and just as expensive as surgery depending on the amount of time spent on it.

If your husband cannot work with you to find or fund a solution then chances are he isn't pulling his weight. His opinion of your beauty are not relevant. If there is no money to address your problem then chances are you are not pulling your weight. If there is no money then it is your responsibility to make some.

Answer 4

Learn to love your appeararce. I know it sounds crazy, and maybe impossible, but it's the only answer. Your husband means it when he says you're beautiful, and his opinion should be the only one that counts! No one is perfect, everyone looks different for a reason, accept who you are! Chances are if you got one thing fixed, then you'd want something else done, and then something else, trying to reach a level of perfection that doesn't exist! This sounds so cheesy, but the change you need to make is on the inside, not the outside! Plastic surgery IS expensive, and the results almost never please the person as much as they hoped they would.

Answer 5

Maybe "Dr" Ashley thinks he can give advice, but he certainly does not know his grammar or he cannot spell!!!!! He reads about cosmetic surgery in the papers and not Lancet or the other medical journals. His cousin had an operation in India, but other than that he has no references. Get a life, Dr Ashley - go play with the kiddies while the grown ups are trying to have a decent conversation.

As for you - let go of all your insecurities and learn to accept and love yourself. Your husband loves you for all the right reasons and you are desparately dependant on his acceptance. Be careful that your insecurities do not wear him and others around you out. Lots of good luck and happiness to you.

Answer 6

Accepting & giving love is the Beauty of life.Each an inspiration,
a valued gift to treasure.Concentrate more on the beauty around you, the gifts each seasons bring.Imagine a life without the sensation of wind, the sight of the stars or the moon,rising at sun- rise every day ,watching the sun set ! May the vision of this beauty live somewhere in your soul & give you peacefulness within. All eyes will see your glory in this vision,&seek the love that"s showing. Power in this beauty! Fill an empty hand!

Answer 7

You can only modify yourself so much even if you have lots of money. Body modification is addicting as well. No matter how much you change yourself you'll still feel ugly inside unless you change from the inside, thats the catch. I know this from personal experience. I used to be short, Very skinny, flat chested and had no curves. I said to myself, if I only had boobs the size of my hands cupped against my chest I would be happy. When they got there I still wanted more. It wasn't till 21 when I bloomed to a b cup. but I had to deal with the extras everywhere else. I thought I was perfect once I lost the weight but then at 25 I bloomed again up to a c cup, with extra weight again. Now I had curves but too much. I have issues with being too skinny and too fat. I just try to do what I can to stay in my comfort range. I couldn't get a date to save my life growing up so I desired attention bad. Now I feel I can't dress sexy without every man wanting in my pants. Ugly or not your doing better than me. You have a husband. I am 28 and yet to find a man to propose to me. He must have fallen in love with you and not your shell, it fades in time anyway and no surgery or botox can change that. That means when you get old he will still love you. If you alter yourself you risk your marriage because you'll desire a better looking partner or the constant cat calling may hurt your man and cause him to leave. You may end up with a man that likes you for your shell but when it goes, so will he. Cut your man some slack, He loves you! His opinion does matter you just refuse to see that he loves you unconditionally. If money is an issue you need to be real about it. What good is beauty if you are without true love and homeless. The streets will turn you back to ugly. One more thing! Sometimes it is healthy to lie in relationships. You wouldn't want to hear from your husband that "You are ugly." Think of the Geiko commercial where the lady asks her man if the dress makes her look fat and he (busy with the paper) says "Uh-Huh!"

Answer 8

Cosmetic surgery is very safe nowadays. There is one company that is very famous in India that arranges Tummy tuck, Liposuction surgery for foreigners in India. They are called the Fly2india4health Consultants. I read a lot about them in the Newspapers and about their patient stories. I have also read that they arrange financing for international patients, as all surgery is not covered by insurance or by the stinking NHS.

They also have photos pasted of their International patients. You can checkout their website. The cost savings are incredible. As a doctor I personally believe that your Tummy tuck, Liposuction surgery can be easily handled in India, as the quality of Healthcare available here is simply best in the world. The surgeons are USA/UK trained and facilities are 5 star.

My cousin got her Tummy tuck, Liposuction surgery done there and she is more than very happy with the results. She is all praise for Fly2india4health Consultants. She paid just 20% of the cost what she was quoted in USA and it was like a wonderful vacation for her. Hope this helps

Source(s):
http://www.fly2india4health.com

Answer 9

Get counseling? I mean I know this sounds weird and inconsiderate but you shouldn't hate the way you look. Maybe you are extremely beautiful and just have really bad self -esteem. You shouldn't have to live hating your appearance. And you also shouldn't have to pay thousands of dollars for you to like yourself, so I'm not sure what to tell you.

Answer 10

What exactly do you want to fix? So many people want to a plastic surgeon. Sometimes the doctor exacerbates the situation in the first place. Is it something the doctor needs to fix or something that needs your work and a Phil McGraw book? There is this thing called self-esteem. Work on it.