in my mind im a perfectionist but my life and me physically are so far from perfect?

Question

im 29 and i long to find someone to love me. im so isolated and alone all the time. my small, 1 bedroom flat is like a small empty cave, dark an empty. i have no friends to turn to..i feel like i live on the fringes of society, i cant work because of my dibilitating symptoms, high levels of anxiety constantly, feelings of inner rage and bitterness. when i go out i feel very paranoid, like all eyes are watching me, i become disorientated, feel detached from reality, and i feel angry at people, because my lifes worthless, empty, and unfullfilling. and everybody looks like there getting there needs met and that there happy and smiling..watching that makes me feel even more alone and isolated with my life. im awaiting a second opinion from a psychiatrist, because i feel i may have a mental illness a mood disorder or psychosis..ive never had any kind of a life since 16. im ageing very fast i have two missing teeth, front bottom lower teeth..im a mess. my lifes a mess. the girl from canada

who ive spoke to on msn for two years and who i love so much, has not been online for a couple of days..im wondering where she is...i expect her soon to reject me, after all what good am i to her? i bet she finds someone her own age soon of 20, a fresh faced, happy go lucky 20 year old with a full set of teeth, who hasnt got any baggage or pain in his life, like i have......i wish god would strike me down..i have genuinly had enough of life..look at my last questions to see the torment i live out daily..im finished...humanity is a shallow pathetic place to be, theyve damaged me beyond belief. you bast***rds !!!!

im wanting a life i feel i can never achieve...the pretty girl, emmegration from the uk, to assimilate into society, get a good job, make friends, have fun, live in peace and security...not gonna happen..no one wants to help me...grrrr you b****ards!!

Answer 1

Remember, perfectionists never feel good enough, so it is totally normal that you would be a perfectionist and find yourself far from perfect. Perfectionism is a cruel master, the echoed words of a mom for whom you were never good enough. (Because she believed she wasn't good enough.)

You do sound like you might have a mood disorder. I know people with symptoms like yours who have gotten tremendous results with depakote, a very old drug (well-tested, no suprises.)

It ends the rages, reduces the paranoia and anxiety.

There is hope. You'll have a lot of catching up to do, but you can do it and the most important thing now is to stop the downward spiral and start moving back towards life again! -Are you working with a case management worker to help make sure you get all the services you need.

Were you sexually abused? There are support groups for people struggling with that, as well as struggling with most other concerns. (Course, it's hard to get paranoid people to open up to each other!)

The feelings you have may be totally chemically produced by a malfunctioning brain or they may be the result of abuse. Regardless of their origin, help is available. You just have to trust, to take a leap of faith that what lies ahead is better than your cave.

Good luck! You deserve to enjoy this life - it's the only one you've got.

Answer 2

As long as you remain a perfectionist, nothing will ever be perfect or even close. You keep setting your sights higher and higher...just out of reach. You need to stop being a perfectionist and lower your sights a little. Try it, you'll feel a lot better. Learn to accept what you have and don't mourn what you don't have. Set reachable goals. I'm no shrink, but I've had my share of therapy and meds. I use humor to cope with the bad things. Also it's good to be mentally divergent- meaning you can "go" somewhere else in your head when you don't want to be where you are in the present. I do it all the time, it works. I am in a difficult relationship too, but I just take it one day at a time, like in A.A. I don't expect a miracle overnight. Good things are worth working on & waiting for. Keep your chin up, and think about what I said.

Answer 3

Write a book about everything you see from your point of view. Oh, and see a shrink.

I was serious about the book. Even though your views are dark and somewhat morbid, it is interesting nonetheless. You could be rich if you could work on your grammar and your story is good enough. Write it and send it to a publishing company. Who knows...it may cleanse you.

Answer 4

Oh my GOD. I never thought that I would meet myself in somebody the way I did when I read your question. I never thought before that I could see clearly and feel every single pain, all in one single person at once. I even said to myself: “Meet the male version of myself.” Your story and your question overwhelmed me. I wanted to close the computer and forget about it, but I couldn’t. I felt very strongly that if I didn’t even try to reach you that I would fail to reach myself! I felt that if I neglected you, I would be neglecting myself. But then I asked myself; “God, what can I tell this fellow? What can I possibly say that would be of any meaning to this person, who is in so much pain?!” I even got angry because for a moment I felt as hopeless as you are feeling right now perhaps.
By answering your question, I hope that I answer myself as well.
My dear, you are in a point in life where you no longer have the choice, that’s right, you have no other choice but to become Your True Self. Whatever that may be called; enlightment, self actualization, God, whatever…
Your pain served its purpose here, it brought you to your knees, and is asking of you to open your eyes at things that you’ve never even looked before. Your pain is like a pointing gun to your head, as it screams at you;” Come on, give this s**t up! Realize! Realize now who you REALLY are! Enough of sleepwalking! Let go! Let go of who you think you are!” And you are still freaking out; “But, but, bbbb….” And the pain yells at you even harder: “Come on, stop being afraid! How hard do I have to hit you before you make up your mind?!” And then you look at the pain with your wide opened eyes, scared to death and confused. “Help” you say. But nobody can protect you from your own pain, even if they tried, and you know that.
Come on, it will be OK. Listen to it. Scream at it even lauder: “OK, OK, fine, I’ll do it! Fine, I get your point, alright? So, what do I do?”
And then let your heart tell you what it is that needs to be done, and follow it, but first, give up your resistance, admit that you can’t win it this way.
I know, it’s scary, isn’t it? It’s only scary because it’s new to you, and to me, for that matter. Hopefully soon it won’t be anymore.
Derek. You actually encouraged me by making it clear to me that we are as if we were standing on top of the Clift, ready to jump but scared to death. Until we do that we will remain terrified and in pain for that reason. So let’s do it! Let’s let go of our attachments, whatever the are, once and for all. Let’s completely surrender to the Greater Power that is within us. Let’s love flow through us freely. Let’s just BE here. What do we have to loose, the pain? Let’s go, let’s be free!

Answer 5

considering no person is suitable, you may in basic terms anticipate that the correlation between requiring perfection on your ideas and being some distance from suitable bodily displays extra on your prefer for perfection. you may anticipate perfection from no longer in basic terms him or herself, yet from those they stay or paintings with on a regular basis. "Perfectionists" prefer, or anticipate, particular initiatives to be executed specially procedures. no remember if or no longer they're appearing the activity or no longer, they won't face up to their impulse to think of the way it would be executed in accordance to the concept their ideas tells them is the suited technique. as an occasion, one guy or woman would desire to fold tub towels in halves whilst yet another would fold them in thirds as they in wonderful condition extra acceptable on a shelf. besides the indisputable fact that, the perfectionist would desire to purpose to cajole the different to alter the way she or he folds towels. even although your physique isn't suitable, your ideas remains thinking alongside the strains of appearing initiatives completely. those are expectancies which you have set up for your self, and increase to those around you apart from would. do no longer difficulty approximately no remember if or no longer they adventure up or no longer, difficulty approximately no remember if the "perfectionist" in you impacts your existence to any quantity that motives disruption on your existence, paintings or relationships.

Answer 6

lool stop seeing what is negative in you nobody is perfect we all have bad habits we all have something wrong that's why we are humans we are not Gods i think you need to love yourself be more positive u must have interesting habits. stop be angry with people, smile more often be friendly with people and take a look on live with more faith... when you do something wrong take your lesson and move on quickly

Answer 7

i could go into the very psychological aspects of analysis here (not psychoanalysis, but the real kind), but i'll try to stay away from that and instead concentrate on concrete simple things you can do to help. for starters, you need to get outside. i know the UK isn't exactly beautiful, but listen to the song "London Skies" by Jamie Cullum... it should cheer you up some. phrases like "you worship the sun, but now could you fall for the rain?" punctuate it's overall theme of beauty in even dismal things such as the sun is actually behind the clouds... the sun's there, and in that you can find beauty. find some good music... read some good poetry... distract yourself from your foolish or unhappy notions and outlooks on life. so i'd encourage you to start there... look through things... into things... both physically and cognitively to attempt to discover beauty in things you may usually find mundane, worthless, or even appalling. if you see nothing, create some. take your flat and fill it with some candles. start painting some walls with things you think look cool. burn some incense and just sit down, chill on a nice pillow on the floor, and just think about good things in life. i was severely depressed for awhile but then i just said to myself... hey self, there's a lot of bad sh*t in this world sure, but man look at all the good things. it's not that they're non-existant, they're just invisible to a person who's eyes are covered with a very dark lens. you really have to let yourself and even help yourself crawl out of the hole that you're in right now. you can get very comfortable in a dark hole of unhappiness, but you never go anywhere and eventually you're drowning in your own sh*t. don't do that... build yourself a ladder out of all your dried sh*t and climb up it and out of the hole. weird analogy i know, but it's true. if you take the things in life that you hate, the things that stink, and you use them as a springboard to getting "well" then you're doing something good for yourself. here's another suggestion... study something or get a job. just really dig into something. even if it's not a "great job" you can make it great. and most importantly, you can make it yours. strive to do it better than anyone else ever has before. you said you were a perfectionist, but to me it seems you have nothing to perfect. find something. take up a hobby and really get into it. along the lines of studying, there has to be something you find interesting. get online and research the hell out of it. find people that share a common interest and meet with them. find a group that allows for discussion about your interest... your hobby... even your job perhaps. as far as the woman, the girl from canada, i'd say scratch her out of the picture for right now because you've got more important things to concern yourself with. you never lose "the one" in life. because if you don't get her, she wasn't the one. let her go and if she ends up with you, it's how it was meant to be. otherwise, don't be surprised to one day bump into a girl in a bookstore and suddenly end up with a date on your hands... then a kid a few years later. it's funny how life works. if you're lonely because you lack physical interaction, honestly... go buy a hooker. but i assure you, you'll feel unsatisfied. you really gotta know you and love you before you can even begin to contemplate loving or being loved by someone else.

Answer 8

your point