As I believe and have lived since my son's birth (8 years) the child comes first. As we have been told on planes, "put the mask on you first and then your child"....in life we are told, "if you can't take care of yourself, you can't take care of others"..."you cannot give somehtihng you don't have" etc. etc. Yes. a mother is going to eventually date and find someone and this requires an amazing juggling act between prioroties and time sharing. A boyfriend is going to want to spend time - more time with the length of the relationship - together, without child. If the mother does not put the childs needs first, what happens when the child really does not like her choice of men and becomes very disturbed being around the man. What does she do then? I for one will not force my son to go anywehre with someone I am seeing if he does not want to go. Has not happened. But I am very curious other perspectives.
2007-02-12 08:20:43 · 7 answers · asked by RealEYES 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, your child should always come first. And, as I have personally experienced, if your child does not like the man-get rid of the man asap! Don't allow the boyfriend to be alone with your child. Oh yes, one thing also that is important, if and when you have a boyfriend, and you two get married, or even if you live together---he is NOT to discipline Your child-ever. You are. Of course, only when needed. I was handling a situation with my son, and my now ex-boyfriend yelled at him. I told the ex later that he was out of place to do that. He apologized. But he shouldn't have to begin with-yelled at my son. Also, please do yourself and your child a huge favor--don't allow yourself to get to involved-too much time away (or even with) your child/for time with bf. Child will feel like in 2nd place in your life-child is to be in 1st place in your life. And, a lot of single moms wait to date-or at least wait to get married another time-till the child(ren) are all at least 18 yrs. old. Hope this helps. Take care.
2007-02-12 08:40:04 · answer #1 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Spoken like a real doting mother. Look at the situation in a little different light...... what if you were already married and you had a child together. Just how long do you think the marriage would last if you always put the child before your husband? I'm not saying that since you have a child you souldn't give serious consideration to who you choose as a mate but..... our job as a parent is to raise our children to exist on their own as responsible, respectable adults. Part of that is being an example which also includes the example of a strong and healthy marriage. If this approach isn't taken then we set them up for failure because they have seen nothing in the way of marriage coping skills, only how they can act or react to get their way! Children do not always know what's best!
2007-02-12 08:32:05 · answer #2 · answered by open_phunguy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Single parenting is a whole different scene than the usual dating scene. You have to find someone who accepts your child as much as they do you. If you don't you will always have problems and put into a situation of chosing spouse over child. And if put into that situation you should chose your child. If you find the right man and they are out there you wont ever find yourself in that situation of having to choose to be careful, take your time and choose the right partner for you....not someone who isn't going to accept your child and make your life and your childs miserable.
2007-02-12 08:36:43 · answer #3 · answered by lookingwesttexas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you that it's a horrible place to be when you are madly in love with the man of your dreams and your child gets in the way and doesn't like him and makes it very obvious!. I go home after work every night to the love of my life fighting with my 14-year-old daughter and it breaks my heart. I don't want to lose either of them. He tries so hard, but she just will not let him. In a couple of years she'll be gone to college and I could never find another man to equal him - so what to do? Either he's going to leave or she's going to go live with her dad because this causes so much stress in an otherwise blissfully happy relationship.
2007-02-12 08:32:37 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't get bring just any man around my child. i think you should really be serious about a mna before you introduce him to your child. if you just dating him then meet him somewhere, but unless you want your childs opinion keep the dates away. and yes put your child first. if you find a guy that you may want a long relationship with then go ahead and tell your child about him then introduce them but make the child aware that he is #1. and make the man aware that he will have to accept the whole package not just you. many great guys out there will... i found one
2007-02-12 08:32:58 · answer #5 · answered by Hi its me again 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
those terrible excuse for mothers i've got self assurance have been the two abused as infants & dont understand any further acceptable or have psychological well being subjects of course no longer dealt with & those are women persons who're purely grimy ordinary examples of organic evilness
2016-09-29 00:41:31 · answer #6 · answered by elzey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand the apprehension, but since when is a child the best judge of character?
You cannot live your life to whims of your children.
2007-02-12 08:28:16 · answer #7 · answered by Slimslimmer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋