Hesitant to Marry...?

Question

I'm 20, I just had my first baby with my partner. We have been in a commited relationship for a year and a half. We have talked about marriage, he wants to get married, but I don't. Not yet. I want to be with him, I want us to live together and raise our son like we've been doing. I've been married/divorced once already (got married when I was 17) so I'm a little disillusioned on the whole gung-ho marriage thing. I'm fine with our relationship the way it is. I think he is too, but he is willing to go that "one step further" - any way for me to "get over" my thing against marriage, or should I stick with my feelings?

And no, I'm not worried about becoming a single mom. It could happen whether we're married or not, and I am capable of handling that.

Answer 1

Get married, make it legal and moral. Something might happen some time that gives you a flash back to the problems of your first marriage but you can catch it and calm down and keep yourself from taking it out on your man. Every marriage is completely different, no comparison. Good luck.

Answer 2

I'm not really sure what your "thing" is with marriage. Marriage is just a way to "squeese" some extra benefits out of the relationship you're already in. You're totally right that it doesn't guarantee anything - if you're going to go your separate ways, it will happen whether you're married or not. So, what is the hang-up? If he's good enough to have the baby with - wouldn't this make him good enough to marry? I mean, if you feel reasonably sure that you're not going to stay with this person long-term, then certainly don't marry him; but the fact that you two have a child tells me this is probably not the case. It really depends exactly what you feel is wrong with "marriage"; I'm not sure I follow you. I, too, got married young (18); I got married again at 23, and again at 32. Yes, not everything works out - but I'm glad I have made the attempts that I have, and don't regret anything. My current marriage is working out great. I think, having had the previous experience with marriage can actually be an advantage for you - don't let it drag you down, but instead learn the lessons and apply them.

Answer 3

I'd have to ask why you had a child so early in a relationship? You have had a committed relationship for a year and a half? That's 18 months, and you were pg. nine of them.... you really don't know each other well....... Children are not bonding, they are divisive, and usually a guy will stick around about 5 years after a kid..... about the time the kid is pretty independent. That you were married at 17 would indicate you either wanted out of a messy home life situation or were immature enough to think a marriage that young could survive.... which of course it didn't.

That you are not worried now about being a single parent means that you are somewhat selfish..... every child deserves to be planned for and raised by two people --- his parents. Short of that, every child deserves to have parents mature enough and old enough to realize that raising a child is difficult, but at least they went into it knowing that, and willing to get educated, learn the gifts of compromise, and solving problems without rage and resentment. your little avatar indicates a lack of maturity.... adult women do not see themselves with purple Mohawk hair cuts.

I'd only question why he would be asking you to marry.... and why you would refuse.... rights, his and yours, do not change with regard to property, your child, and yours and his responsibility toward that child.... Should you marry him? Of course... you have a child together...and if it fails, it's just another "oh, well..."

And yes, circumcise your baby boy. Cancer of the penis is about unknown in circumcised boys. Young boys and young men generally do don't keep themselves clean enough to avoid odor and health problems.... ask your pediatrician.. And this is important for his self-esteem as a young man. Women tend not to like to date/marry/choose as partners uncircumcised men..... This uncircumcised trend is uncommon in educated people, common in those with only hs degrees or simple training. Give your son a leg up in the world.... don't make him have to choose to go thru this as an adult.....

Answer 4

Well to me since the first marriage went bad you think the second one will to......
and plus it also sounds like you are saying he might do what the other guy did to you..so you are judging him already without giving him a chance..
it takes 2 to make a marriage work...Honesty and communication...and being faithfully to each other...plus not be not being married you might affect the child later in life...he or she will think you to only stayed together for them..by not getting married..you two did not really care for each other...
plus you said your not worried about being a single mom...so you are already to think marriage will be bad by getting married...so you think no harm no foul...
I got 2 kids...and got married at 21 the wife was 18 and I'm goning on 38...I've seen alot in my young life..if you love him then get married if you dont why be together...you'll just hurt the child down the road..

Answer 5

I am 27 and have been married three times. The first one I was 19 and much too young to get married. The second, I got pregnant, so I felt like it was the only and best thing to do. BIG MISTAKE!! He ended up signing his rights over to me when she was 2 months old. The last one has lasted five years and still going strong. My advise to you is don't rush things, I lived with my husband now for a year before we got married and not much changed after we got married. That's one good thing about living with him before, you already know how it is, and if you aren't happy you can always get out. So, if you're happy with him now a peice of paper and a ring won't make much difference. Hope I helped! Kelli

Answer 6

Stay true to your feelings! Be open an honest with him why. I am willing to bet that if he is wanting to marry you, that he loves and cares about you that much, that he will be okay with waiting. Just be open and honest with him. If he is not okay with the idea than its a good thing that you talked with him. If he is not okay with that than it is best that you did not marry him. This is a good test to see how much he really respects you and your feelings. Sit him down and talk to him. Tell him that one of these days you will probably be ready but not right now because... and that you want things to continue the way they are, you don't want to jump the gun.

You sound like a strong person... I know you can do it! Good luck!

Answer 7

You don't have to marry him. You are giving your child a father just by being with him. It is just a piece of paper. Some of the happiest couples I know are together, raising children and NOT married.

But you shouldn't not marry him because of your first marriage. Then it seems like you are letting your first bad experience keep you from other good experiences. And that would be sad.

Answer 8

Marriage isn't just a piece of paper.

Marriage is a vow that you'll stay together...richer or poorer, in sickness and in health....come what may it's a commitment to each other. Until death us do part - not until we get tired of each other or someone better comes along or we hit rough spots in life.

Are you ready to make this commitment?

Answer 9

Marrige will not make you any happier. It will just make it really hard to split if he treats you like crap later.

Don't fall for the scam. You already married once before and it sucked right? Whey repeat the same mistake.

Answer 10

you can only do what you feel you should do. if the two are you are happy then just be happy. as soon as you are ready at least you know he is willing to marry you then. if you marry just to make him happy then it won't work out. GOOD LUCK!!