Women: Would you keep (or have you kept) your name after marriage?

Question

What if you don't like your fiance's surname? How do you tell him?

Double barrelled would sound odd for our names.
I want our children (if we have any) to have the same name as both of us, but I think his parents would be upset if he changed his surname, as he is the oldest son.

Answer 1

When I got married I was going to keep my maiden name and not change my name at all. But the man I fell in love with had a fairly nice last name.

Instead of changing my name, I added his last name onto my maiden name. For me personally, my last name that I grew up with is a huge part of my identity. Many couples are combining their names together.

Answer 2

I have kept my maiden name as my middle name after marrying by husband. He's kind of old fashioned and doesn't like hypenated names. I said fine, I will still use my maiden name because I have a job and a music group that I am involved with where my fairly distinctive last name is recognized. By giving up my maiden name, I more or less become anonymous. I use all three names for my signature.....it takes longer to sign checks but I don't feel I have lost my identity. I feel that in this day and age, totally giving up a last name that you have been using for 35 years is like going into witness protection. Many women use their maiden name as their middle name....like Hillary Rodham Clinton and Coretta Scott King. I have known other women who have kept their maiden names entirely, never switching to their husbands or adding their husbands name on. If you think about it, with all the marriages, divorces and children, etc., why is it even necessary in the 21st century?

Answer 3

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Answer 4

If I get married I would double barrel my name if that's possible. I would do that because my daughter has a double barrel surname, mine and her fathers, but we are no longer together so if I were to get married (to someone else!)and have more children with them, I would also double barrel thier names but that would be so my daughter doesn't feel left out.

Answer 5

I took my (now ex) hubby's name when we married just because it was better than mine! After we divorced, I kept his name for about a year then it didn't feel right so changed it back.

If I were to marry someone who's name I didn't like I would tell him and see if together, we could come up with a solution - perhaps a double-barrelled name?

Answer 6

Yes, I kept my name after marriage, I simply never wanted to change my name regardless of what my husband's name was. I like mine. There was no special way to "tell" him; when it came up in conversation, I simply said that I was not considering a name change. Most people don't have a problem with it, and there's certainly no need to explain yourself or invent excuses. It's your name, and your decision - there's no practical reason to change it, it is a matter of personal preference. Neither my mom or my grandmother changed their names after marriage, and it has never caused a problem. The reasons behind the name change are purely symbolic and sentimental.

Answer 7

When I got married 30 years ago, I took my husband's name. We were only married for 12 years, and when we split, For convenience sake, I kept my married name. However, some of my female friends reverted to using my single name for letters, etc, which I like. So I use both, depending on who im with.

If I married again, I would not change my name. It is perfectly fine for you to continue to use your single name; there is no law that says you must take your husband's name. You don't have to tell your intended you don't like his name. Just say that you've been thinking about it, and you like your own name.

Answer 8

You dont have to tell him you dont like his name. Just say you want your family name included in your new family ( you and him ). You could say it makes the family bond stronger, by starting a new family tree. My daughter did this, and now she her husband and their 2 daughters are living happily with their double barreled sir names and have been for the past 18 years.

Answer 9

The thing is i can never understand why someone would get married and not take their new husbands name. you have become a married couple, going to spend the rest of your lives together, have children. to keep your maiden name would disrespect and undermine the new marriage. Its the same with separate bank accounts if you don't want to share your bank account or name don't get married. there is no point carry on as you are. The other thing is even if the name is strange if you love the guy and want to get married it should not worry you. marriage equals sharing of everything, if not stay single.

Answer 10

My sister and I both took our husbands' names and we both made our maiden names our middle names.

My husband was actually a little upset about THAT. He says it's just tradition to take the married name. He didn't linger on it though. Personally I do agree that you should take the name just for that tradition's sake. I just really liked my name and wanted to keep it.