My mother-in-law has become increasingly needy of my husband's attention. Since her husband passed away, she has developed learned helplessness. She refuses to do anything for herself anymore, including working. And it's not as if she not capable; she's only 55 yrs old. My husband and I still live in an apartment and one day hope to have our own home. But we are now having to take on her financial issues, which keeps us from getting ahead. For the last several months,she has mentioned on numerous occations that she wants to move in with us, so that she "will be entitled to a third". My husband says that there is no way in hell that will ever happen (thank God!). But it's not fair for us to have to support 2 households. Her self pity and childishness is driving my husband crazy. And me as well, but I try not to let him know.
Will we ever have our own space and/or home without her invading our relationship?She's been able to live her life as she chose to.Shouldnt we live ours now?
2007-02-12 07:20:22 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
She constantly pressures us to have children.I can only imagine how possessive she would be.Plus,it's not fair to burden my husband with that much more responsibility.I want to move far away, but I'm afraid she'll want to come with us.Help!
2007-02-12 09:15:38 · update #1
Good for your hubby in saying no. Now he needs to say it to her!
I would suggest a few sessions with a therapist about how to draw boundries, and then set up several for her! She obviously needs some help with her grief as well as adjusting to being a widow and needing to be independent and on her own. It would be money well invested. AND if she has insurance, it will be covered by it as well! Good luck, I really feel for you, dd
2007-02-12 07:28:28 · answer #1 · answered by dedum 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to immediately talk to your husband and for both of you to come up with a solution that benefits everyone. Your MIL is not an old woman only middle aged. She can definitely do some type of work that will pay her to live on her own. Your husband has to be the one to bring this topic up with her and give her some boundaries. Its just a matter of your hubby putting his foot down with your MIL. Does she have other kids?? Any savings or pension? You and your husband should some up with some plan that will bring peace in to your home.
2007-02-12 07:28:49 · answer #2 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since she is not that old, she needs to remain on her own and start a new life for herself. You do not need to support two households as she needs to take care of herself and your husband needs to tell her this. Sometimes we have to bite the bullet and tell our parents just how it is. If she were old and unable to take care of herself it would be totally different. You are entitled to live your lifes with her included, not around her.
2007-02-12 07:26:18 · answer #3 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there any other siblings? I think your husband is the one who needs to take a stand with her and let her know how you two really feel. It can be done without being hurtful. You shouldn't be supporting her- she should be receiving funds from her late husband's estate or something. Your husband needs to take the responsibility of talking with his mother.
2007-02-12 07:27:41 · answer #4 · answered by NLH823 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since your husband and you are on the same page it will be much easier to get rid of this pest. Let her know in assertive terms that she is not welcome in your house under her terms. It's as simple as that! You have an obligation to your husband and he to you. With her interference it will be next to impossible to meet your goals. She is an adult and should understand. If she doesn't, oh well! Do not let your marriage go to pot through her emotional blackmail and manipulation.
2007-02-12 07:29:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should. Your husband needs to have a serious talk with his mom. There is nothing wrong with helping her out, but, she has got to get herself back together. Talk to her and ask her what the two of you can do to help her get back on her feet and start living for herself again.
2007-02-12 07:27:49 · answer #6 · answered by Golden 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How long has it been since she lost her husband? If ample greiving time has passed...........then, I would have a sit-down pow-wow with my husband and explain the problems this is causing. She is going to have to learn to FLY on her own wings again. I'm sorry for her loss, but she cannot carry her finances and burdens along with your own. You are going to have to convince your husband to do something, that you are unhappy and its preventing you from having your own home.
2007-02-12 07:26:16 · answer #7 · answered by HowdyThere 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Support your husband's decision that she should not move in. Get him on your side now that you and him cannot afford her. At this rate, you and him will never be able to save and buy for a house. She'll make sure of it.
2007-02-12 07:29:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
hi Mam, once you've a elder brother or if by probability u had a elder brother and the sis in regulation is equivalent to u and if she tells about your mom like this, will you compromise for that ? Hmm... What will be the answer that aspect on your sis in regulation ? which will be the answer for this question of your's. And suggestions that even you're married and think ofyou've got or gonna get a touch individual who will be male. If he receives married and your daughter in regulation comes, you'd be cent p.c. similar on your mom in regulation. do no longer ignore. attempt to regulate with her. once you've understood the about para. each and each and every of the most ideal.
2016-12-04 02:25:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to contact your local Adult Protective Services and get her some professional help. The burden she's putting on your marriage could be way too heavy to bear.
Best of luck t you.
2007-02-12 07:30:40 · answer #10 · answered by Starla_C 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋