ok , heres the deal. I fell in love with a man I work with 6 months ago. We started having an affiar, and we are so deeply in love. His wife has had 2 affairs on him in the past and he just cought her in another affair through Emails she left out. They have a daughter togather and thats why he has stayed with her. Now he says he wants to leave her for me, wich i would LOVE. He's already setting things up to make sure he has solid proof.
I am engaged to another man though. I always thought i was in love with him, he was my high school sweetheart, but now I know what real love. i wouldnt have cheated if I actually loved him, but i know he loves me so much, and i'm scared to leave him because of how bad it would hurt him, i dont want to hurt him like that.
So should I stay with him and let him have the life he dreams of, or should I let the other leave his wife for me and try to have a life. most people in our position dont work when they get to be togather
2007-02-12 06:52:53 · 36 answers · asked by waitn4someday22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok, i may be scum and a peice of crap for cheating, i know its wrong and i always said I wouldnt do it and I do feel bad for it...but him, there's no need to talk crap about him. His wife has had 3 affairs on him, hes stayed with her for the sake of their daughter. So yeah I may be a "Scum bad" but hes not. He married her when he was 19, and she treats him terrible.
2007-02-12 07:02:37 · update #1
Here's a positive note for you:
You can't have more one than one cake without a tummyache!
You have to make a positive decision for yourself, staying with your fiance would not make you happy and it certainly would not be a good situation for him either. If you truely love this married man and are not comitted to your fiance you need to give your fiance the respect he deserves and let him go. No one wants to waste years in a relationship that ends up going no where. You're fiance will hurt for a little while but people move on and hell he might find better happieness with a more comitted person.
Life isn't easy just respect others and you will both win in the end.
2007-02-12 07:31:52 · answer #1 · answered by Emily M 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Girl you are in a mess. And i think all you saying all the hateful things to her need to stop. No one is a saint or perfect....
I know I've been in realtionships where I couldnt break it off becuase I knew how much it would hurt that other person.
In the long run, yes he is better off with someone else, because you dont love him and everyone deserves someone they love. You'll find a way to do it and it will happen just make sure its before the wedding.
As for Mr. Married man. If you think u can handle it, give him a little time, look for solid signs hes really going to divorce her, if it doesnt happen soon give him that ultimadium ..and stick to it. him or her.
As for the little girl, good look. I hope she never finds out there was an affair.
My parents were both married to other people when they started dating and they've been togather for 14 years and are still as happy as can be. so good luck honey
as for the rest of the *** holes answering this, either try to help her or just dont say anything
2007-02-12 07:19:13 · answer #2 · answered by workn2live22 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
What makes you think that this married man will not do the same thing to you that he is doing to his wife? You are condoning this behavior and telling him that what he is doing is okay because you are participating. Both of you are selfish and have not thought one bit about the other people in your lives that you supposedly "love". Your last statement is exactly right, most times once you are together it doesn't work. The two of you have this secret, exciting relationship and it is all fun & sex right now. What happens when you live under the same roof and can't stand each other. What happens when all of the day to day things become too much? All you have left is 4 lives that have been destroyed because the two of you couldn't keep your pants on!
And what is going to happen at work? He is going to be the guy who left his wife for the home-wrecking office slut (you). That will make for a fun work environment for both of you!! I honestly don't have any sympathy for either one of you. Infidelity is never okay, if he is going to leave his wife because of what she has done, then you need to step back, let him deal with that situation and be done with his marriage completely before the two of you decide to play house!!
2007-02-12 07:06:11 · answer #3 · answered by Meadow Soprano 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to tell your high school sweet heart, what is going on. If you don't want to hurt him, now would be the time to tell him there's someone else in your life. Don't let him think, you are going to marry him, when there is someone else in your life. The longer you wait to tell him, the more it's gonna hurt him. He really needs to know, what is going on. As far as the married man, don't wait on him. He can tell you, he is gonna leave his wife, but that could be months or even yrs. down the road. Let your man know what is going on and be single for a while. If the married man really wants to be with you, he will leave his wife, when you are single. You being engaged could also be a problem with him staying with his wife. It's good, that he thinks enough of his child to want to stay, but if he's not happy at home, he should leave and the child will understand that later on. She won't be happy, knowing mom and dad aren't.
2007-02-12 07:18:22 · answer #4 · answered by pysmith429 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
First off you are a cheater and so is the married man you are screwing. Honey, really, you may be a nice woman, I don't know what circumstances lead you to this married man and you are engaged, but WAKE UP!
What are you doing with your life, and how can you even know if his wife has even ever cheated on him. Men lie to get you to sleep with them you know! So how can you even be sure he is telling the truth.
How can you do this knowing the devastation that his child will feel and the resentment she will have towards you as she gets older after learning you were screwing her dad when he was STILL married to her mother.
How can you hurt your fiance'? What do you really know of love anyway. You say, you thought you knew what real love is, but now you really know what real love it. Well maybe you do feel that way, but if this married man felt the same way about you, he would have already left his wife for you.
Haven't you read on yahoo answers the things men tell their mistresses? I think you have been played, and besides how could you even ever trust him if he cheated on his wife with you. I really would hate for you to be the next one with his child, all the while he tells his next mistress, how you are cheating on him and he wants to leave you for her but he needs proof first.
Realize what you are doing before its too late for everyone.
2007-02-12 07:06:37 · answer #5 · answered by Premo Mom 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Been there done that --no judgment here. It will all end up in pain. You effect all those around you. I think you need to get out of both relationships and think about yourself. Is this really what you want? I know that the feelings overcome your commonsense. Stop and think!! I was married for 23 years and left my husband for another man. The feelings were like nothing I had ever felt before. I was angry that I never had that with my husband and left but the man was married and never actually got around to leaving her. Even though he told me how much he wanted to. I hurt so many people and you can never take that back. Please think before you do anything. You can't really know for sure what he is saying to her, please think!!
2007-02-12 12:37:42 · answer #6 · answered by Lynn T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you should re-read what you just wrote. You don't want to hurt him by leaving and breaking it off with him, but you have cheated on him, how bad do you think this would hurt him if he knew? You need to break it off with him FIRST, like now, if you truly do care for him, this isn't fair to lead him on.
The truth always comes out also. I think you may think you are in love now, with this other guy, and maybe you are, but I believe you need to take some time on your own. Most of the time, you are right these relationships don't work, you may just be the rebound of his wife hurting him, just a thought.
2007-02-12 07:28:32 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is very weird because this seem like some **** I wrote or said I am in the same exact situation, we fooled around in the early 90's I stop talking to him, he got married maybe in 95, I didn't see him for a while then seem him a year or so later, then we hoked up during this time he's having marital problems, he wanted to pursue his career in church, so I did what was best for him by just vanishing. That don't mean that I don't love him, because I do. All I can say if you want him first let him get out of his situation, before pursuing you, then you have to get out of your situation before pursuing him. I promise this is so weird because we seem to somewhat be talking about the same issue, I just hope it is not the same man. Even if so he is really his wife man .any-who?
2007-02-12 07:04:55 · answer #8 · answered by meme32 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You and your lover deserve each other--both cheaters. Do your fiance a major favor and call off the wedding. He'll feel terrible but it would be a lot worse for him if you married him. He'll get over you and find someone who deserves him. On the other hand, you sound pretty naive to think that what you're being told by your lover is the truth. You're buying the old, "It's all my wife's fault and I'm just staying in the marriage for the sake of my children" line. Don't hold your breath for him to divorce his wife. You're in a lose-lose situation. Best case scenario, he won't leave his wife and he'll dump you. Worst case scenario, he'll dump his wife and marry you and then you'll have to worry about him cheating on YOU! Have a happy life.
2007-02-12 07:02:35 · answer #9 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
your making excuses for the married man, how do u know what he is telling u is true about his wife? as for having solid proof on his wife, the courts don't care anymore who does what to whom, so why is he trying to get proof, think u are making the biggest mistake of your life, and loved your fiancee before this other man came into your life. how do u know he won't cheat on u the same as he is doing to her, and find fault with u too. you are in lust not love, and it will wane after awhile and u will wish u had married the other guy. your also going to have this woman and her child in your life if he does leave her, and she will cause u all kinds of problems for breaking up her marriage. u need to get away from him, he is married, not to mention the karma that comes with hurting someone else.
2007-02-12 07:29:48 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋